randomsearchproposestats
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"Ahh, Mr. Scott, I understand you're having difficulty with the warp drive. How much time do you require for repair?"
"There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing!"
"Mr. Scott, if we return to Spacedock, the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the captain, or Dr. McCoy, alive again"
"Could take weeks, sir"
"Thank you, Mr. Scott"
-- Spock and Scotty (Star Trek VI)
Virtue is a relative term.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Friday's Child")
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Better blatant than latent.
-- Scott Safier
Logic is the beginning of wisdom; not the end.
-- Spock (Star Trek VI)
There are always alternatives.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Galileo Seven")
A GUI is to a command-line as a TV is to a book.
-- Scott Hess
Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Cloud Minders")
To err is human. And stupid.
Without followers, evil cannot spread.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "And The Children Shall Lead")
"Grand ennui" sounds so much nicer than "annoyance."
-- Eric P. Scott
If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.
-- Scott Fahlman
Change is the essential process of all existence.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield")
What would Scooby do?
"Who ever walked behind anyone to freedom? If we can't go hand in hand, I don't want to go."
-- Hazel Scott
I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without constructive purpose.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Squire of Gothos")
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
You Earth people glorified organized violence for forty centuries. But you imprison those who employ it privately.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Dagger of the Mind")
"Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person."
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Amok Time")
Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains arouse me.
Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
(A coffee cup)
"Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people."
(Bumper Sticker)
Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?
"If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd everytime, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side."
-- Orson Scott Card
"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."
-- Scott Adams
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but so would an 80 pound carrot.
Do not mock a pain that you haven�t endured
When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout.
When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout
feet and stones may break my bones, but metrics are more comprehensive
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
-- H. L. Mencken
Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
Sometimes before bed, I look in the mirror and wonder just what I'll be doing in ten years. Then I look at the clock and think, 'Probably flossing.'
-- April Van Scherpe
"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."
Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock
(Star Trek IV)
I always say, keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.
-- Mae West
Given a choice between dancing pigs and security, users will pick dancing pigs every time.
People must think I'm a mushroom. They constantly keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit.
"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's the weather for you.
-- Terry Pratchett (Good Omens)
"Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees."

-- Boris Marshalov
[Disk] quotas are evil; they discourage users from learning how their greed impacts others. We're not here to parent users, we just provide a model electronic ecosystem. If they deplete their resources, they become extinct. A very simple concept.
-- Eric P. Scott
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli
I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it anymore, and what's it seems weird and scary.
-- Abraham Simpson
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard
I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
-- Rob Pike (on X)
Only an artist knows what he meant to say with his work, and sometimes you'll need to deal with it.
UNIX is a scrawny kid from New Jersey who became something of a local hero, but is now middle-aged with a beer gut. Mach tries to turn modern UNIX into RoboCop; POSIX is an attempt to make UNIX more attractive to corporate America with silicone implants and Tammy Fay Bakker's double-parked Maybelline truck.
-- Eric P. Scott
Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?
Practical or mean and sneaky? - getting a permanent heart tatoo on your arm and getting three-day temporary tatoos for the names.
The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.
-- R. D. Laing
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."
-- Stewart Brand
"It's all cheese anyway."
-- Barnes and Barnes
"I thought they would be creepy, mid-western geeks who had probably done a Gloria Estefan B-side four years ago and all they wanted was some novelty Scottish bagpipe song."
-- Shirley Manson (On meeting Butch, Duke and Steve for the first time)
[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
-- Mark Twain
"Whatever sinks your boat, and gets you wet."
-- Andrew Harman
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-- Dr. Seuss
...as opposed to Xena's paradox, which is, "How exactly can she fight in that leather outfit, and leave all of that flesh exposed, and survive?"
It's better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes....
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
-- Hedy Lamarr
"Reality continues to ruin my life."
-- Calvin and Hobbes
You don't stick a knife in a man's back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you are making progress.
-- Malcolm X
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
The two most common elements in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
-- William Dement
I've decided, I'm going to feed every little addiction and silently go mad 'cause right now my writing sucks.
-- Zaffel
You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!
-- C. Stanley
"Men make angry music and it's called rock-and-roll; women include anger in their vocabulary and suddenly they're angry and militant."
-- Ani DiFranco
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
-- George W. Bush
The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.
-- Robert Pirsig
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
Life is like a grapefruit...it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.
-- Ford Prefect
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.
Mirth prolongeth life and causeth health.
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
"We are the flaming, exploding, CGI-movie saturated MTV generation after all. If it isn't bright pink and green, naked, on fire and computer animated, I just yawn and walk away."
(Someone on Slashdot)
"When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. Know what the Russians used?"
"A pencil?"
"A pencil."
-- Leo, Toby and Sam, and Leo (West Wing)
Nobody's creepy from the inside, Hazel. Some of them are sad, and some of them hurt, and some of them think they're the only real thing in the whole world. But they're not creepy.
-- Neil Gaiman
Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.
You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.
You use sex to express every emotion except love
-- Husbands and Wives
"The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone: the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood."
-- George Bernard Shaw
I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'
-- Dave George
Privacy and security are those things you give up when you show the world what makes you extraordinary.
-- Margaret Cho
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, 'Make me one with everything.'
-- Robin Williams (Bicentennial man)
If I sit here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something.
-- S.R. McElroy
WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
-- Ambrose Bierce
Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.
-- Lisa (The Simpsons)