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I'm an apatheist. The question is no longer interesting, and the answer no longer matters.
-- petro (a.s.r)

"Life is a zoo in a jungle."
-- Peter De Vries

Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.

Caffeine is not a substitute for sheep.
-- Peter da Silva

When a metric becomes a target, it ceases to be a good metric

(A)bort (R)etry (T)oss computer across room?

"The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums."
-- Peter De Vries

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony #9.
-- Erwin Dietrich

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.
-- Anais Nin

It's only fun if you can get in trouble for doing it.

Success can corrupt; usefulness can only exalt.
-- Dimitri Mitropoulos

I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.

Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."
-- Marlene Dietrich

Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
-- Pete Seeger

Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
-- Laurance J. Peter

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries

"In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence."
-- Laurence Johnston Peter

If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
-- Laurence J. Peter

PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals.
-- Jon Ribbens

[Perl] isn't a programming language, it's a thousand special case rules flying in close formation.
-- Peter da Silva

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
-- Laurence J. Peter

"Life at the top is financially rewarding, spiritually draining, physically exhausting, and short."
-- Peter C. Newman

"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards."
-- Soren F. Petersen

The loom works perfectly well without the steam powered wig darner and shortbread cutter stapled to the side.
-- Peter da Silva

When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout

Perpetual motion, illustrated: Try putting a slinky on an escalator.

"And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men--evil. You know, straight up, black hat, 'Tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy metropolis' bad."
-- Buffy (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

feet and stones may break my bones, but metrics are more comprehensive

There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup

Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice

I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity

"Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder."
-- Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull

Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.
-- Henry Peter Brougham

"I doubt whether any girl would be satisfied with her lover's mind if she knew the whole of it."
-- Anthony Trollope (1815-1882, British novelist)

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"

C makes it easy for you to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes that harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup

"I'll fight for you, but I will not compete for you... There's a difference."

"In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from."
-- Peter Alexander Ustinov

"The main differences between a computer salesman and a used car salesman is that the used car salesman can probably drive and knows when he's lying."
-- Peter da Silva

"When solving a kernel panic you must first ask yourself what you were doing that could possibly frighten an operating system."
-- Peter van der Linden

> 0C is freezing, 100C is boiling, 70F is a nice day, and 110C is a nice
> sauna.
This is the same logic that took out the Mars Polar Lander, I see.

-- Peter da Silva

Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"

Usenet is like Tetris for people who still know how to read.
(Computer Museum (Boston))

She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.
-- Dr. Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters.)

Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.

Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.

Primus in orbe Deus fecit timor.
"It was fear that introduced gods into the world."

We have gone from a world of concentrated knowledge and wisdom to one of distributed ignorance. And we know and understand less while being increasingly capable.

-- Peter Cochrane

Petonic (peh ton' ik), adj: One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Come, let us retract the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

Bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

Hi, this is Peter. Right now alien creatures are eating my brain. Please leave a message at the tone and when they are finished one of the alien creatures will assume my form and get back to you.
-- Peter da Silva (heard occasionally on his answering machine)

A troll is someone who, finding that no-one likes them, decides to pretend that it's on purpose.

The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.

The music is the magic carpet that the other things take naps on.
-- Tori Amos

"The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy."
-- Louis Kronenberger

"Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled."
-- William Blake