randomsearchproposestats
294 hits
Virtue is a relative term.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Friday's Child")

Better blatant than latent.
-- Scott Safier

Logic is the beginning of wisdom; not the end.
-- Spock (Star Trek VI)

"Ahh, Mr. Scott, I understand you're having difficulty with the warp drive. How much time do you require for repair?"
"There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing!"
"Mr. Scott, if we return to Spacedock, the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the captain, or Dr. McCoy, alive again"
"Could take weeks, sir"
"Thank you, Mr. Scott"

-- Spock and Scotty (Star Trek VI)

There are always alternatives.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Galileo Seven")

A GUI is to a command-line as a TV is to a book.
-- Scott Hess

To err is human. And stupid.

Without followers, evil cannot spread.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "And The Children Shall Lead")

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Cloud Minders")

"Grand ennui" sounds so much nicer than "annoyance."
-- Eric P. Scott

If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.
-- Scott Fahlman

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?

Change is the essential process of all existence.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield")

What would Scooby do?

"Who ever walked behind anyone to freedom? If we can't go hand in hand, I don't want to go."
-- Hazel Scott

I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without constructive purpose.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Squire of Gothos")

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains arouse me.

Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
(A coffee cup)

Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"It's all cheese anyway."
-- Barnes and Barnes

You Earth people glorified organized violence for forty centuries. But you imprison those who employ it privately.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Dagger of the Mind")

"Writers aren't exactly people...they're a whole lot of people trying to be one person."
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people."
(Bumper Sticker)

After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Amok Time")

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
-- Calvin and Hobbes

Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?

When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout.

"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."
-- Scott Adams

Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes....

feet and stones may break my bones, but metrics are more comprehensive

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but so would an 80 pound carrot.

When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout

It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.

"If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd everytime, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side."
-- Orson Scott Card

You use sex to express every emotion except love
-- Husbands and Wives

Lies, damned lies and user documentation.

Mirth prolongeth life and causeth health.

Do not mock a pain that you haven�t endured

Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
-- Confucius

Adventure: The land between entertainment and panic.

"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."

I always say, keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.
-- Mae West

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
-- H. L. Mencken

Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.

[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
-- Mark Twain

Language and its absurd conjunctions;
Constellations and crustaceans rhyme.

Given a choice between dancing pigs and security, users will pick dancing pigs every time.

"You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."
(Gone With the Wind)

People must think I'm a mushroom. They constantly keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit.

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept."
-- Calvin and Hobbes

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
-- Disraeli

Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living from it.

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

You will trip and fall over a three-eared cat today

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"She hates me."
"She hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back."

-- Corey and Gina (Empire Records)

People want stories about things they can relate to: life and death, good and evil.

"To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising yourself."
-- Will and Ariel Durant

Sometimes before bed, I look in the mirror and wonder just what I'll be doing in ten years. Then I look at the clock and think, 'Probably flossing.'
-- April Van Scherpe

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

Nothing true is popular, and nothing popular is true.

I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
-- Rob Pike (on X)

"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock

(Star Trek IV)

You don't stick a knife in a man's back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you are making progress.
-- Malcolm X

Practical or mean and sneaky? - getting a permanent heart tatoo on your arm and getting three-day temporary tatoos for the names.

Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!

"Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees."

-- Boris Marshalov

"Whatever sinks your boat, and gets you wet."
-- Andrew Harman

"Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't."

Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.

The Four Food Groups: Coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.

I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it anymore, and what's it seems weird and scary.
-- Abraham Simpson

Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
"Hmm, pleasant effect" thought God, and flipped it off and on a few times.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's the weather for you.
-- Terry Pratchett (Good Omens)

It's better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-- Dr. Seuss

Destinesia: The act of entering a room and forgetting why.

Only an artist knows what he meant to say with his work, and sometimes you'll need to deal with it.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
-- George W. Bush

Computer Science without FORTRAN and COBOL is like birthday cake without ketchup and mustard.

So just what are time flies, and why do they like an arrow?

In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo!

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"Men make angry music and it's called rock-and-roll; women include anger in their vocabulary and suddenly they're angry and militant."
-- Ani DiFranco

UNIX is a scrawny kid from New Jersey who became something of a local hero, but is now middle-aged with a beer gut. Mach tries to turn modern UNIX into RoboCop; POSIX is an attempt to make UNIX more attractive to corporate America with silicone implants and Tammy Fay Bakker's double-parked Maybelline truck.
-- Eric P. Scott

...as opposed to Xena's paradox, which is, "How exactly can she fight in that leather outfit, and leave all of that flesh exposed, and survive?"

"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
-- Hedy Lamarr

If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why practice?

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.
-- R. D. Laing

"Loved by some, accepted by others and misunderstood by most."

[Disk] quotas are evil; they discourage users from learning how their greed impacts others. We're not here to parent users, we just provide a model electronic ecosystem. If they deplete their resources, they become extinct. A very simple concept.
-- Eric P. Scott

"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

"I thought they would be creepy, mid-western geeks who had probably done a Gloria Estefan B-side four years ago and all they wanted was some novelty Scottish bagpipe song."
-- Shirley Manson (On meeting Butch, Duke and Steve for the first time)

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

Lost: gray and white female cat. Answers to electric can opener.

There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.

"When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. Know what the Russians used?"
"A pencil?"
"A pencil."

-- Leo, Toby and Sam, and Leo (West Wing)

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
-- William Dement

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.

"They were just sucked into space"
"Blown, sir"
"Sorry, Data"
"Common mistake, sir"

-- Riker and Data (Star Trek, The Naked Now)

"We are the flaming, exploding, CGI-movie saturated MTV generation after all. If it isn't bright pink and green, naked, on fire and computer animated, I just yawn and walk away."
(Someone on Slashdot)

"Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder."
-- Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.
-- Robert Pirsig

Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Argue not with Dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with cheese.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.

The two most common elements in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

“I speak two languages: Body and English.”
-- Mae West

"Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad and insane. Some of them started out that way."

Life is like a grapefruit...it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.
-- Ford Prefect

Seminars, n.: From `semi' and `arse', hence, any half-assed discussion.

The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.

We've built a deep, dark hole for your mind, and you get down in there and stay there no matter what, because if you don't obey, we'll take away everything and you'll be good and sorry, and no complaining either. Shut up! Don't EVER think. We're your mommy and your daddy and your teacher and your preacher, and we love you so much, that's why we're setting your switch to OFF. When you're older, you'll realize what a sacrifice you made for us, er, I mean, we made for you.
-- Jess Anderson

"The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone: the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood."
-- George Bernard Shaw

I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?

I've decided, I'm going to feed every little addiction and silently go mad 'cause right now my writing sucks.
-- Zaffel

At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"

You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!
-- C. Stanley

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
-- Ambrose Bierce

"WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe."
-- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
-- Groucho Marx

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do."
-- Dale Carnegie

Why serial commas are important: "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."

A committee is an alley down which good ideas are lead and quietly strangled

"Be virtuous and you will be eccentric."
-- Mark Twain

"I want a car. Chicks dig the car."
"This is why Superman works alone."

-- Richard Grayson and Bruce Wayne (Batman & Robin)

"How else am I to get you to treat me like a man of weight and substance unless I act as morally perturbed and angst-ridden as everyone else in this room?"
-- Beast (X-Men comic)

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."

"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."

"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties"

"The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things — bad language and whatever — it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition," "There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed.
-- George Carlin

"There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut; a fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts."

"When your world looks kind of mean, and you wish that you weren't there.... Just close your eyes and look beneath, and you can be anywhere...."
(Muppet Babies Theme Song)

Man is, and always has been, a maker of gods. It has been the most serious and significant occupation of his sojourn in the world.
-- John Burroughs

The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.
-- Kahlil Gibran

Those who speak by the yard and think by the inch should be kicked by the foot.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes
fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
-- Norm (Cheers)

"I like to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say 'get a life' on them"

A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.
-- K (MiB)

The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard.
-- H. L. Mencken

Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, 'Make me one with everything.'
-- Robin Williams (Bicentennial man)

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
-- Oscar Wilde

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'
-- Dave George

Privacy and security are those things you give up when you show the world what makes you extraordinary.
-- Margaret Cho

Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.
-- Lisa (The Simpsons)

If I sit here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something.
-- S.R. McElroy

"He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak."

-- Michel de Montaigne

"Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them."

Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.

"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power."
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Motrin and espresso. The breakfast of champions.
-- Sweet Poly

The guests giggled, and floated down to the bottom of the garden to inspect the herbaceous borders, and snatch a quick snog before the crudities.
-- Stephen Foster

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
-- Bertrand Russell

Absent, adj: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.

Cigarette, n: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco inbetween.

The principle difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.

Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
-- John Heywood

"Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work."
-- Clive Barker

Of all the truths in the world, humor is the most satisfying and often the healthiest.

Politicians should be changed frequently, like diapers - and for much the same reason.

'If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.'
-- Terry Pratchett (concerning popcorn, Moving Pictures)

Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.
-- Oscar Wilde

"In our minds, love and lust are really separated. It's hard to find someone that can be kind and you can trust enough to leave your kids with, and isn't afraid to throw her man up against the wall and lick him from head to toe."
-- Tori Amos

"A lot of times we sit around here and talk and comment, and rarely it is, 'Wow! I can't believe how good that is!' It's usually like, 'Oh my God! What's happened to the world?' I can sit here and bitch about how bad music is, or I can go make it better."
-- Trent Reznor

The difference between theory and practice is greater in practice than it is in theory.

Don't you think that with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually COULD lead a horse to water AND make it drink?
-- Andy Overman

"Life at the top is financially rewarding, spiritually draining, physically exhausting, and short."
-- Peter C. Newman

Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.
-- Thomas Jefferson

Silence is the door between Love and Fear; and on Fear's side there is no latch.
-- Diane Duane ("the Door into Fire")

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
-- Katharine Hepburn

"I gave up trying to please others and started playing for myself, and because I love music, things naturally happened then. Funny how that works."
-- Tori Amos (Chicago Tribune, June 25, 1996)

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

Alien, n: A being who travels great distances to molest our cattle and trample our grain.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.

"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"

"And is it right, butterfly, they like you better framed and dried?"
-- Tori Amos (Butterfly)

The loom works perfectly well without the steam powered wig darner and shortbread cutter stapled to the side.
-- Peter da Silva

Sex is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
-- Jim Rosenberg

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.

Is not that the nature of men and women--that the pleasure is in the learning of each other?

Roses are red
  violets are blue
I'm scizofrenic
  and so am I

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-- Thomas Jones

You don't wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you gotta talk to 'em.
(Colors)

Basically, to learn Unix you learn to understand and apply a small set of key ideas and achieve expertise by expanding both the set of ideas and your ability to apply them
-- Paul Murphy

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Come, let us retract the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

Frisbeetarianism: the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
-- D. H. Lawrence

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

"If you think about it, somewhere there's a Logrus master with Amelia Earhart, a whole squadron of P-51's, and a mile-high pile of socks and keys."

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.
-- Lyndon B Johnson

Proof by eminent authority: I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-complete.

"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever."

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
-- Franz Kafka

We have gone from a world of concentrated knowledge and wisdom to one of distributed ignorance. And we know and understand less while being increasingly capable.

-- Peter Cochrane

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
-- Cyril Connolly

"There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'."
-- Dave Barry

A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.
-- Max Weinreich

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

"We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society."
-- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.
-- Anais Nin

"I open up more when it's conversational. Otherwise, they're proving how smart they are, and I'm proving how smart I am. It's a penis race, and we're both losing. I'd rather just hang out and see where it can go."
-- Tori Amos (The Orlando Sentinel, April 12, 1996)

"We all know god invented liquor to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
(The Ghost and The Darkness)

Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief to excuse their cruelty. Only kindly men believe in a kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.
-- Bertrand Russell

"I understand your question and the answer is 'You're thinking too hard.'"
-- Jose Garcia

The business of the mind is first and foremost the pure joy of knowing and comprehending, the pure joy of consciousness.
-- Anais Nin

Midnight. Sober and fully dressed. This sucks.
-- Kevin T. Keith

America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.

The commercial availability of software to check spelling, grammar, and style does serve quite well as a form of stupidity tax.
-- Amanda Walker

"Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society."
-- John Adams

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

Anything invented before your fifteenth birthday is the order of nature. That's how it should be. Anything invented between your 15th and 35th birthday is new and exciting, and you might get a career there. Anything invented after that day, however, is against nature and should be prohibited.
-- Douglas Adams

"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
-- Mark Twain

Love is like pi: natural, irrational and very important.
-- Lisa Hoffman

Birth, n: The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce

"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."
-- Stewart Brand

Everyone has their first date... and the object is to hide your flaws. And then you're in a relationship and it's all about hiding your disappointment. Then once you're married it's about hiding your sins.
(Dollhouse)

Say what you like about me, but sometimes I wish that I were really rich and didn't have to work. And also handsome.
-- Dave George

Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.
-- Erik Fair

Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.
-- Kirk (Star Trek, "Spock's Brain")

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

"...why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want."
-- Ayn Rand

Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

The primary difference between a man and a woman is that a man gets his self-esteem when a woman says "yes" and a woman gets hers when she says "no".
(Amy's Orgasm)

"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?"
(The Simpsons)

Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.
(Calvin & Hobbes)

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.
-- Albert Einstein

Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It's the only way to make progress.
-- Havelock Vetinari

"May we all stay crazy and live the bitchin' life!"
-- Robin Williams

In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
-- Terry Pratchett

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."
-- Mark Twain

We're the technical experts. We were hired so that management could ignore our recommendations and tell us how to do our jobs.
-- Mike Andrews (a.s.r.)

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
(Oxford University Press)

"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards."
-- Soren F. Petersen

"I have so many different personalities in me, and I still feel lonely."
-- Tori Amos

Happiness is a warm puppy, stir-fried with scallions and red pepper.
-- Ry Schwark

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer

A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear and punishment and hope of reward after death.
-- Albert Einstein

"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad."
-- Friedrick Nietzsche

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.

"Life's a bitch, then you die. Then your necromancer daughter resurrects you, and life is still a bitch."

Ponder: "It's all done by magic, Archchancellor."
Ridcully: "Ah. Right. None of that complicated business with springs and cogwheels and tubes and stuff, then."
Ponder: "That's right, sir. Just magic. Sufficiently advanced magic."

-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

The BeOS takes the best features from the major operating systems. It's got the power and flexibility of Unix, the interface and ease of use of the MacOS, and Minesweeper from Windows.
-- Tyler Riti

Yes, yes, sensitive, acoustic, multicultural rhythms, sensitive, yoga, tantric sex, sensitive.

Shut up and sing some old Police stuff again.

-- Nat Lanza (on Sting)

"Life sucks. And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, it will. My suggestion? Sleep through it."

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
-- Confucius

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
-- Aldous Huxley

I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.
-- Caitlin Bree (Clerks)

"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it."
-- John Gilmore

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
-- Steven Wright

"I like butter and the people who like butter."
-- Tori Amos (Dew Drop In Tour, June 12, 1996)

To my opinion, most modern poetry is written because people do not want to stand up and fight for what they are writing about.

I am two fools, I know, For loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.
-- John Donne

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
-- Bertrand Russell

I'm an apatheist. The question is no longer interesting, and the answer no longer matters.
-- petro (a.s.r)

Civil disobedience is not our problem. Our problem is civil obedience. Our problem is that numbers of people all over the world have obeyed the dictates of the leaders of their government and have gone to war, and millions have been killed because of this obedience... Our problem is that people are obedient all over the world in the face of poverty and starvation and stupidity, and war, and cruelty. Our problem is that people are obedient while the jails are full of petty thieves, and all the while the grand thieves are running the country. That's our problem.
-- Howard Zinn

I want to die like my grandfather, peaceful and in my sleep - not screaming like the other people in the car.

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

"[Men, particularly in the British press] come in asking me why I'm so agressive and why I hate them, and, and, what they don't understand with this record is that it's about incredible passion and incredible desire and incredible need and then, love. It's all gotta be in there if you're being fair about it."
-- Tori Amos

"They call him the Sand Spider"
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary."

(True Lies)

"Almost any animal is capable learning a stimulus/response association, given enough repitition."
"Experimental observation suggests that this isn't true if double-clicking is involved."

-- Lionel and Malcom Ray (scary devil monastery)

Ask a man which way he is going to vote and he will probably tell you. Ask him however why and vagueness is all.
-- Bernard Levin

He's come up with half of the algorithms used in the 20th century, but wouldn't actually recognize an actual computer if you dropped it on him.
-- Jason Riek (about Dana Scott)

Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved; the pig was committed.

Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
-- Elbert Hubbard

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

-- Jeremy S. Anderson

I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.
-- Dorothy Parker