184 hits
"I'll take Fucking Clues for $200."
Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes.
Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Shikata ga nai.
"Everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do afterwards that counts."
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.
Taking me seriously is a big mistake. I certainly wouldn't.-- Ani Difranco
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time.
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
They don't make nostalgia like they used to.
Auntie Em--Hate you. Hate Kansas. Taking the dog.-- Dorothy
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy."
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
The music is the magic carpet that the other things take naps on.-- Tori Amos
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.
In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.-- Scott Fahlman
The irony is that Bill Gates claims to be making a stable operating system and Linus Torvalds claims to be trying to take over the world.
"God created sex. Priests created marriage."-- Voltaire
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."-- Voltaire
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.-- Hannah More
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.-- Wakko (Animaniacs)
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-- Fred Allen
It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.-- Robert Park
The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.-- Tallulah Bankhead
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.-- Alfred Adler
Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.-- Betty Talmadge
Catapult: device for throwing cats long distances.
You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!-- C. Stanley
Experience allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.-- Franklin P. Jones
Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.
You can't make a program without breaking some egos.
"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will he will be sure to repent it.-- Socrates
"...only drugs make you feel as good as people in TV ads appear to be."-- Hakim Bey
The course of true love never did run smooth.-- Shakespeare
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame.-- Erica Jong
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"
Those who don't know, talk. Those who don't talk, know.
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."-- Tori Amos
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.-- Rita Mae Brown
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.-- Roger Noe
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.-- Voltaire
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.-- Eleanor Roosevelt
In case of emergency, speak in cliches.
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living from it.
Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling), n: Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Support your local medical examiner. Die strangely.-- Nikki Gustas
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.-- Voltaire
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."-- Michael Sinz
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.-- J. P. McEvoy
Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
"Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalizations than in their particular observations."-- Machiavelli
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.-- Kipling
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
"He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak."
-- Michel de Montaigne
"Geologists know how to make the bedrock."
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.-- Steve Wozniak
On applause: They named it Ovation from the Latin ovis, a sheep.-- Plutarch
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.-- Albert Einstein
Ad Nauseam: Commercials that make you puke.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
The law should make men free. The problem is making the law free.
Just about all real intellectual activity starts from the understanding that *there is a problem here*, especially in things we take for granted.-- Arnold Zwicky
"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away."-- Barry Goldwater
Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.-- Lisa (The Simpsons)
we make happen the stuff we fear will happen
Why can't some people take a joke? Well, maybe because they're honest, and the joke doesn't belong to them.-- Matt Diamond
"Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed."-- Dalin B. Oaks
Take it from the staff of a five-cat house: A group of cats is a "conceit." They'd like to be a "pride" but that would fool no one.-- Morely Dotes
"How many of you ever started dating somene because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"-- Judy Tenuta
Don't intterupt me when I'm talking to myself
The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.
Idle hands are the air guitar's playground (Alas)
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.-- Andy Tanenbaum
We shame outselves for the sake of simplicity.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines-- Frank Lloyd Wright
It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.-- Sunshine magazine
Computer Science without FORTRAN and COBOL is like birthday cake without ketchup and mustard.
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease.-- Voltaire
"The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions."-- Susan Sontag
"Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men."-- Jean Rostand
I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.-- Voltaire
"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent."
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.
Life is a sexually transmitted, fatal disease...
Basing any to-be-correct life philosophy on one tiny alteration of your current life philosophy, that needed replacement as you've decided, is just bound to be a mistake.
"Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie."-- William Shakespeare
"In the U.S. you have to be a deviant or exist in extreme boredom...Make no mistake; all intellectuals are deviants in the U.S."-- William Burroughs
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.-- William Blake
"It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me."-- Ashleigh Brilliant
"A sense of humor is the only thing that keeps intelligent people from hanging themselves."-- Voltaire
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
"Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled."-- William Blake
Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”-- Noam Chomsky
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila."-- Mitch Radcliffe
"In all our searching, the only thing we found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other" (Contact)
"No man chooses evil because it is evil;
he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."-- Mary Wollstonecraft
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Practical or mean and sneaky? - getting a permanent heart tatoo on your arm and getting three-day temporary tatoos for the names.
'Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.'-- Natalie Goldberg
I have had solemnly explained to me the audible differences between digital data (S/PDIF) carried over coax and carried over optical (coax is bassier, apparently).
-- Tag
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Adventure: The land between entertainment and panic.
Words skittered out of his mouth like cartoon dogs on fresh-waxed linoleum, frantically going nowhere.-- Amy Tan
Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.-- George Santayana
I must invent my own philosophical systems, or else be enslaved by other men's.-- William Blake
"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."-- Bertrand Russell
"'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to become comfortable?-- Mia (Pulp Fiction)
He who laughs last probably didn't understand the joke.
"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
"Love makes you do the wacky"-- Willow
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."-- Carl Gustav Jung
What's the matter, darling? Don't you recognize me with my clothes on?-- Tallulah Bankhead
"Making the simple complicated is easy. Making the complicated simple is brilliant."
Fool-proof implies a finite number of predictable fools.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
Almost everything alive is about some kind of balance. Heck, even a lot of things that are not alive are about balance. However, thinking a particular balance is the only balance is often a mistake.
Absent, adj: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."-- Albert Einstein
I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you they do it so nicely.-- Josephine Baker
Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.-- George Santayana
"Don't apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem."
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"
Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. (As it is statistically much more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery)
TP's 3rd Law: Any sufficiently advanced philosophical discourse is indistinguishable from bullshit.
-- TitanPoint
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
Answer the phone naked. Callers will hear it in your voice.
One can overstate anything. Your advertising depends on it.