161 hits
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.-- Steve VanDevender
To be understood is a luxury.
Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.
"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
"Make lots of money", "enjoy the work", "operate within the law": choose 2-- Brian Anderson
"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."-- Wendell Berry
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."
"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands."-- Alexander Penney
The only good strategy is one that no one else understands.-- Tracy Kidder
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.-- Arnold Bennett
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.-- Alexander Woollcott
Stenderup's law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
He who laughs last probably didn't understand the joke.
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
Never underestimate the falseness of a generalisation.
Your powers are useless, I'm wearing tin foil underwear!
Thinking is not a panacea, but to paraphrase Gandhi, maybe it would be a good idea to try some.-- Jess Anderson
Absent, adj: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
"Loved by some, accepted by others and misunderstood by most."
What part of "AWW C'MON, PLEASE??" don't you understand? (T-Shirt)
The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
Cashtration, n.: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.-- Ben Aveling
Never underestimate the human capacity for cognitive dissonance.
"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers."
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing."-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
For practical purposes we have agreed that sanity consists in sharing the hallucinations of our neighbors.-- Evelyn Underhill
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.-- Mae West
"The best education consists in immunizing people against systematic attempts at education."-- Paul Karl Feyerabend
�We have a saying, my people. �Don�t kill if you can wound, don�t wound if you can subdue, don�t subdue if you can pacify, and don�t raise your hand at all until you�ve first extended it.��-- Wonder Woman
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."-- Douglas Adams
Sometimes you have to bite people hard on the lip before they realize you're not kissing them, so keenly do they yearn for approval.-- Jess Anderson
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.-- Jeremy S. Anderson
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
"In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from."-- Peter Alexander Ustinov
There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us.
At 40, we don't care what they think of us.
At 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."-- Ann Landers
"When solving a kernel panic you must first ask yourself what you were doing that could possibly frighten an operating system."-- Peter van der Linden
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Uhh, yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
There are many ways to define our fragile existence; many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape its purpose and give it context.-- Mohinder Suresh (Heroes)
"Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.-- Dandemis
"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."-- Norm (Cheers)
Do not mock a pain that you haven�t endured
Saying that Java is better just because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is better just because it works on all genders
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Much learning does not teach understanding.-- Heraclitus
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"
Please do not duck the next time the clue-by-four swings your way.-- Ben Browning
If the brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't.
One of the problems with learning that many teachers fail to see is that until you really understand something, any argument made out of that understanding context tends to be pretty useless.
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.-- Robert Benchley
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."-- Mark Twain
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."-- Derek Jarman
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.-- Dorothy Parker
Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.-- Confucius
"Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't yet figured out how to ask."-- Fox Mulder (The X Files)
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
Patageometry, n: The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant under brain transplants.
"The spam wars are about rendering email useless for unsolicited advertising before unsolicited advertising renders email useless for communication."-- Walter Dnes / Jeff Wynn
These lovers of esoterica seem to derive a great deal of intellectual satisfaction out of not quite understanding what they are doing.
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
Headline: Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
I don't want to be understandable. I want to be felt.-- Martha Graham
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let 'em go because, man, they're gone.-- Jack Handey
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Don't torture yourself, that's what friends are for.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
"Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation."-- Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.-- Groucho Marx
"This site is intended for people over 18, but only because kids shoot each other if they hear the word 'fuck'."
"'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
Did you ever notice that 'love' spelled backwards is 'evil'? Well, not exactly, but it's still pretty scary.-- Ben Bass
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.
I don't understand men, women, sheep, grass, or computers. Understanding is for those too weak to handle confusion.-- Stevie Ulrich
The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.
Please storyteller, pull a tale from your pocket,
Spin me a story from your coat-tails so bare,
For my heart has turned cold, and my dreams are too old,
And I need to know the magic's still there-- Heather Alexander (Storyteller)
Every time I have to pipe something into awk I get this mental picture of a big fat seagull with stdin connected at the wrong end.-- Arther van der Harg (a.s.r.)
It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.-- Robert Park
The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated -- and a little drunk.-- Alben W. Barkley
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."-- Noelie Alito
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."-- Ben Franklin
Scientists find wonder in everything, except extremely dull papers on quality assurance.
-- Telo (#xkcd)
"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender."-- Emil Ludwig
The moment you think you understand a great work of art, it's dead for you.-- Oscar Wilde
"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken."-- Benjamin Disraeli
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"I understand your question and the answer is 'You're thinking too hard.'"-- Jose Garcia
"Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like."
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.-- H. L. Mencken
One can overstate anything. Your advertising depends on it.
Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice -- only the willingness to make it when necessary.-- Frederick Dunn
In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.-- J. von Neumann
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.-- Albert Einstein
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."-- Carl Jung
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.-- Oscar Wilde
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.-- Kahlil Gibran
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?-- Groucho Marx
"The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of Earth."-- Dogbert (Dilbert)
"We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases."-- Patrick Nielsen Hayden
Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding.-- Mahatma Gandhi
From the 'Rules for women':
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about being stared at.
Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
In art, as in no other form of endeavor, there is meaning apart from success.-- Joseph Conrad
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment."-- Robert Benchley
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.-- Oscar Levant
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."-- Mario Andretti
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Magnocartic, adj: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.-- Holly (Red Dwarf II, Queeg)
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.-- Doug Larson
"I didn't understand this at first, but YOUR CONVINCING USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS HAS MADE IT ALL CLEAR TO ME."-- J. Nairn
When nothing else remains, one must scream. Silence is the ultimate crime against humanity.-- Nadezhda Mandelstam
Human behavior changes only under the impact of new technology
(Paraphrase of Moon's First Law, from Schrodinger's Cat by R.A. Wilson)
The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.-- Anais Nin
"The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still 'tis nonsense."-- Benjamin Franklin
"Indifference is isolation. In difference is texture and wonder."-- Edwin Schlossberg
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.-- Jack Handey
"Advertising reaches out to touch the fantasy part of people's lives. And you know, most people's fantasies are pretty sad."-- Frederik Pohl
The job of the poet is to render the world -- to see it and report it without loss, without perversion. No poet ever talks about feelings. Only sentimental people do.-- Mark Van Doren
Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. (As it is statistically much more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery)
Grasshoppotamus: A creature that can leap to tremendous heights, once.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.-- Sacha Guitry
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."-- Sam Brown
C++, the language in which only friends can access your private members.
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."