102 hits
Scientists find wonder in everything, except extremely dull papers on quality assurance.
-- Telo (#xkcd)
Eloquence is logic on fire.
All your base pairs are belong to us
The revolution will NOT be televised.
Television: the bland leading the bland.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
It is better to waste one's youth, than to do nothing at all with it.-- Courteline
Half of the people in the world are below average.
Secret, n: Something you tell to one person at a time.
"If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities."-- Maya Angelou
"Somebody should clip Sting around the head and tell him to stop using that ridiculous Jamaican accent."-- Elvis Costello
Politics is storytelling. We just pick the one we like best.
The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is. (The Covert Comic)
How can I tell you what I think until I've heard what I'm going to say?
If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh.
What's wrong with being drunk in bed? Being drunk on the floor of the garage, I can understand someone objecting to. But drunk in bed?-- Brad DeLong
Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Hydrodynamics: When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
"Until you meet an alien intelligence you will not know what it is to be human."
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It's the only way to make progress.-- Havelock Vetinari
Arithmetic: An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
Language and its absurd conjunctions;
Constellations and crustaceans rhyme.
Sign in a hotel elevator in Paris:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
Dead men tell no tales, but then, neither do mimes.-- Wade Kwon
"The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience."
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.-- Jack Handey
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.
"Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated."-- George Santayana
Arthur C. Clarke's Law :
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.-- Albert Camus
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.-- H. L. Mencken
Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"
The fun with white chocolate macadamia nut cookies is telling which white fatty substance is which. I can't.
"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."-- Dorothy Parker
The state doesn't do what I tell it to do, which is fair, because I don't do what the state tells me to do.-- Desmodus Rotundus
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-- Dave Edison
If you think that mental illness interferes with financial success, just look at the average television evangelist.
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.-- Sean O'Casey
...postmodernity, once the plaything of smarty-pants French guys, in truth belongs to the engagingly stupid. (Newsweek)
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?-- Steven Wright
"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."-- Norman Douglas
Math Anxiety: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph. (Cynic's Dictionary)
"Intellectual brilliance is no guarentee against being dead wrong."-- David Fasold
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?-- Dick Cavett
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.-- Lily Tomlin
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
"A sense of humor is the only thing that keeps intelligent people from hanging themselves."-- Voltaire
"A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."-- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)
"The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of Earth."-- Dogbert (Dilbert)
"You, my boy, if you want to be a good pickpocket, need to learn how to tell a wallet from a maxipad."-- Jessica
They call television a medium. That is because it is neither rare nor well done.-- Ernie Kovacs
I'm always making a comeback, but nobody ever tells me where I've been.-- Billie Holiday
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."-- Ernest Hemingway
Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies.-- Bill Bulko
Unfortunately, as Usenet gets out to the masses it will become diluted.
-- Nelson Minar
*Again*!?!?
-- David Preston
As the main says, it has yet to be proven intelligence has any survival value.
Whether it deserves some respect is another matter.
These lovers of esoterica seem to derive a great deal of intellectual satisfaction out of not quite understanding what they are doing.
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
"Either what you've said is so vague that it's meaningless or I disagree with you completely."-- Tom Maddox
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." (Calvin & Hobbes)
"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have."-- Don Herold
Natural vs. unnatural is a pretty worthless distinction.
-- Greg Parkinson
Only to someone such as yourself, with a deliberate disability to perceive the difference.
-- Bob Sarver
But easy for someone like you, who can manufacture the difference on the spot.-- Mike Batchelor
Tell you what. When the vast majority of straight folks in this country learn how to have a private life privately, learn how to "just be themselves without telling it to everybody", why then I'll try to learn from them how to do the same.-- Elaine May
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.-- Woody Allen
Notice in a hotel lobby in Bucharest:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
There are lots of things I'd like to be someday, but "normal" is definitely not one of them.-- Nelson Minar
"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you." (Cheers)
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.-- Oscar Wilde
When I was your age I...wait, I can't tell that story, it's wildly inappropriate. Which, oddly enough, is my point. Don't you want wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children?-- Castle
Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around?-- Dr. Who
The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated -- and a little drunk.-- Alben W. Barkley
"Emacs is for people who desperately want to get drunk, but feel guilty doing so without a reason."-- Miles O'Neal
"Popcorn is good with Parmesan cheese. It makes much more of a meal. You get your grains, you get your dairy, it's hot food. It works, I'm telling you."
I need to get a life. I have a neat counselor though, which is, I guess a convenient substitute.-- Stevie Ulrich
Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.-- Napoleon Bonaparte
"Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses, sweeter far than muscatel wine! I must have coffee..."-- J. S. Bach
As far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.-- Bertrand Russell
Why can't some people take a joke? Well, maybe because they're honest, and the joke doesn't belong to them.-- Matt Diamond
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."-- Joan Crawford
Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without an education. Education appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence.-- A. E. Wiggan
Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.-- Andrew Lias