273 hits
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."-- Noelie Alito
"Until you meet an alien intelligence you will not know what it is to be human."
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
You humans are all alike.
Science is the belief that we don't need belief to know most things.
Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
Alien, n: A being who travels great distances to molest our cattle and trample our grain.
Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.
Men are all alike in their promises. It is only in their deeds that they differ.-- Moliere
Hindsight is an exact science.
Ellen Ripley: Whenever he says anything, you say, "right," Brett. You know that?
Brett: Right. (Alien)
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice
Beware the fury of a patient woman.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forget their use.-- Galileo Galilei
'Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.'-- Natalie Goldberg
Fungus is actually alive. Be afraid.
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
Nowadays, originality is the art of concealing your source.
"Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed."-- Dalin B. Oaks
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.-- J.D. Salinger
Never only doubt or only believe your doubts.
You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh.
"*snort* I'm waiting for the day when people realise that mainstream is a subset of SF without the speculation..."-- Emmet O'Brien
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
"Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies."-- Adrienne Gusoff
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.-- Disraeli
I'm always making a comeback, but nobody ever tells me where I've been.-- Billie Holiday
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Don't torture yourself, that's what friends are for.
"'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
"O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"-- Dante Alighieri
Never underestimate the falseness of a generalisation.
So just what are time flies, and why do they like an arrow?
"It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him."-- J. R. R. Tolkien
'La vache qui rit est jolie.' (Laughing cows are pretty.)
The problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Fool-proof implies a finite number of predictable fools.
Johner: I heard you, like, ran into these things before.
Ripley: That's right.
Johner: Wow, man. So, like, what did you do?
Ripley: I died.
(Alien: Resurrection)
Scientists find wonder in everything, except extremely dull papers on quality assurance.
-- Telo (#xkcd)
"Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like."
A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Wit is a form of arousal.
We challenge one another to be funnier and smarter.
It's high-energy play.
It's the way friends make love to one another.-- Anne Gottlieb
"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right."
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".-- Philip K. Dick
Majority, n: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Morality is doing what's right regardless of what you're told.
Obedience is doing what you're told regardless of what is right.
I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."-- Russell Baker
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
You go right on thinking that. Don't let reality stop you.-- dpm
"It's been reported that John Bobbitt's porno movie grossed over 10 million. I'm not sure whether that's dollars or people."-- Conan O'Brien
Indifference is the key when dealing with a narcissistic megalomaniac.
C++, the language in which only friends can access your private members.
A thief believes everybody steals.-- E.W. Howe
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
Any sufficiently optimistic statement is indistinguishable from sarcasm.
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
"With increased knowledge comes an increased capacity for pain. So if ignorance is bliss, enlightenment must be pure hell."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines-- Frank Lloyd Wright
"The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they will believe they are as clever as he."-- Karl Kraus
The principle difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
"The degree of normality in a database is inversely proportional to that of its DBA"
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and she sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.-- Dr. Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters.)
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
I have no problem dealing with reality, but as a lifestyle I find it too confining.-- Lily Tomlin
A sufficiently optimistic statement is indistinguishable from social sycophancy.
Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
"I would rather believe that God did not exist than believe that He was indifferent."-- George Sand
I think having 'Men' and 'Women' signs on bathrooms is a bad idea, because if aliens thought those rooms held standard specimens and went in to record data, they'd get some pretty bizarre examples.-- April Van Scherpe
Absent, adj: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
Monster AI is still in development. Some monsters may seem to be ignoring you until you actually shoot them. This is because as small aliens they refused to eat their humans and as a result suffered brain damage. We will be taking measures to ensure that all aliens receive a proper diet before the final release.-- Quake 2 Demo disclaimer
"The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists -- that is why they invented hell."-- Bertrand Russell
"The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience."
Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.-- Albert Einstein
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.-- Samuel Butler
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.-- Woody Allen
That's what friendship means: sharing the prejudice of experience.-- Charles Bukowski
"Those who realize their folly are not true fools"-- Chuang Tzu
Quality without creativity is pompous;
Creativity without quality is infantile.-- John Cerruti
Frisbeetarianism: the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Science is not a body of knowledge nor a system of belief; it is just a term which describes humankind’s incremental acquisition of understanding through observation. Science is awesome.-- Tim Minchin
"To limit the press is to insult a nation; to prohibit reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves."-- Claude Adrien Helvetius
A genius is just a crazy person with an audience-- Tim Minchin
Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.-- Ed Howe
Computer Science without FORTRAN and COBOL is like birthday cake without ketchup and mustard.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.-- Voltaire
Patience is something you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
Quality Of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress. (Cynic's Dictionary)
"I know what I don't believe in. I know what I've rejected. But I'm not sure what I do believe in."-- Trent Reznor
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
"They say necessity is the mother of invention. And when the necessity is survival, she can be one mean mother. Of course, it's her child, invention, who's the real dangerous one."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.-- Thomas Jones
It wasn't lies. It was just bullshit, that's all.-- Elwood Blues
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
The great enemy of truth is often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.-- John F. Kennedy
Music is the science of manipulating emotion through sound.-- Angus Gray
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.
There's a common component of scientific thought which says that a) if you're not a convicted Scientist then you can't get involved in discussions about Science and b) Science is all about Progress and means that things will always get better if Scientists are in Control.-- Neil Lewis
In the past, men created witches; now they create mental patients.-- Tom Szasz
"What's reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch."-- Jane Wagner
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.-- Don Marquis
"Greek mythology says that whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. I'd never been sure whether 'mad' meant crazy or angry. Either way, the gods were working on me pretty good right now."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.-- Fran Lebowitz
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.-- Andre Gide
"Legend -- a lie that has attained the dignity of age."-- H. L. Mencken
Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?" (The Simpsons)
We may begin to see reality differently simply because the computer ... provides a different angle on reality.-- Heinz Pagels
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel that you've done a permanent job.
In business, your judged by what you say... nothing can kill the confidence of a perspective client faster then a proposal littered with grammatical, usage or punctuation errors. (Ad for RightWriter, The Grammar Checker)
"I have so many different personalities in me, and I still feel lonely."-- Tori Amos
"Reminds me of a humorous sf story I read a few years back where an amoeboid alien escaped punishment this way (it was guilty of selling pornographic pictures to earthly biologists who used them to illustrate mitosis in their textbooks). Both the resulting individuals claimed innocence, and pointed out that they were underage."
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.-- Steven Wright
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief to excuse their cruelty. Only kindly men believe in a kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.-- Bertrand Russell
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place."
-- H. L. Mencken
I don't know much about morality but I know what I shouldn't like.-- Tim Minchin
We think in language, therefore the quality of our thoughts can only ever be as good as the quality of our language.-- George Carlin
"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."-- Jack Wagner
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
"They call him the Sand Spider"
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary." (True Lies)
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.-- Philip K Dick
Friendship is Love without its wings. (l'Amiti� est l'amour sans ailes.)-- Lord Byron
A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.-- Elbert Hubbard
Bullshit, in contrast to mere nonsense, is something that implies, but does not contain, adequate meaning or truth.
Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research, as well as insufficient research, will tend to support your theory.
John (still confused): "They're not real. They're cartoons. This is reality."
The Warners (looking at each other, then at the audience): "We won't tell him if you won't." (Farscape: Toonscape)
On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
The defect of equality is that we only desire it with our superiors.-- Henry Becque
"Propaganda is to democracy what violence is to totalitarianism."-- Noam Chomsky
"Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them."-- Louis B. Nizer
"Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men."-- Jean Rostand
Cops and reporters are much alike. Both are absolutely dedicated to doing the job at hand, regardless of obstacles. And both, deep down, really believe the rules don't apply to them.-- Jim Barlow (Houston Chronicle)
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease.-- Voltaire
A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine.
Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.-- Holly (Red Dwarf II, Queeg)
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.-- Steven Wright
"In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place."-- Mahatma Gandhi
"Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it."
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.-- Mark Twain
Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.
-- Oscar Wilde
"It stands for 'Sales and Marketing', you depraved monkeys."
"A rose by any other name, Stef."
(userfriendly.org)
It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.-- Blaise Pascal
Religion is for people afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.-- Rich Kulawiec
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.-- Earl Wilson
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.-- Albert Einstein
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.-- Edgar Allan Poe
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.-- Andy Finkel
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, chances are you're the one.
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.-- H. L. Mencken
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear..." she replied.
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."-- Tori Amos
The decline in American pride, patriotism, and piety can be directly attributed to the extensive reading of so-called 'science fiction' by our young people. This poisonous rot about creatures not of God's making, societies of 'aliens' without a good Christian among them, and raw sex between unhuman beings with three heads and God alone knows what sort of reproductive apparatus keeps our young people from realizing the true will of God.-- Jerry Falwell (Reader's Digest, 1985)
"I do actually believe in love. I can't say that I'm 100 percent successful in that department, but I think it's one of the few worthwhile human experiences. It's cooler than anything I can think of right now."-- Trent Reznor
"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-- G. K. Chesterton
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.-- Albert Einstein
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."-- Doug Larson
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.-- Max Frisch
Almost everything alive is about some kind of balance. Heck, even a lot of things that are not alive are about balance. However, thinking a particular balance is the only balance is often a mistake.
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.-- Oscar Wilde
The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.-- Tommy Smothers
Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.-- Albert Einstein
"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."-- Dorothy Parker
I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is us.-- Konrad Lorenz
Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend--or a meaningful day.-- The Dalai Lama ("Time," 11 April 1988)
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.-- Evelyn Waugh
"If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities."-- Maya Angelou
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.-- Oscar Wilde
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."-- Lucille Ball
I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had.-- Margaret Mead
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." (Calvin & Hobbes)
Experience allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.-- Franklin P. Jones
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.-- Ewald Nyquist
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.-- Arthur C. Clarke
"The Prophets teach us patience."
-- Vedek Bareil
"It appears they also teach you politics."-- Sisko (Star Trek: DS9)
The applied mathematician can find the solution to any difficulty, whilst the pure mathematician can find the difficulty to any solution.
"Every man has his follies, and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."-- Josh Billings
"It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends."-- Dorothy Parker
"The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions."-- Maurice Chapelain
"The great tragedy of science, the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact."-- Aldous Huxley
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion-- Ambrose Bierce
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.-- Susan Ertz
Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.-- Pete Seeger
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.-- Kipling
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.-- Otto von Bismarck
"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept."-- Calvin and Hobbes
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.-- David Tyson Gentry
"We are at times too ready to believe that the present is the only possible state of things."-- Marcel Proust
"The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream: it is a most depressing and humiliating reality."-- Oscar Wilde
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.-- Eden Phillpots
The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated -- and a little drunk.-- Alben W. Barkley
Little Johnny was a scientist.
Little Johnny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
"Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalizations than in their particular observations."-- Machiavelli
Virtue is more to be feared than vice, because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience.-- Adam Smith
I need to get a life. I have a neat counselor though, which is, I guess a convenient substitute.-- Stevie Ulrich
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."
In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.-- Ani Difranco
"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."-- Joseph Conrad
Daria: I believe in coffee, coffee for everyone. But I don't want to sell chocolate anymore. It makes me feel dirty.
Jane: The bad kind of dirty. (Daria)
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.-- Amy Lowell
Recession: your friend loses his job. Depression: you lose your job. Recovery: Bush loses his job.-- Bill Davidsen
Rational, adj: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.-- Ambrose Bierce
I'm always highly irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it's very shocking to the system.-- Flannery O'Connor
TP's 3rd Law: Any sufficiently advanced philosophical discourse is indistinguishable from bullshit.
-- TitanPoint
"As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss."-- Noam Chomsky
Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.-- Napoleon Bonaparte
"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."
"Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses, sweeter far than muscatel wine! I must have coffee..."-- J. S. Bach
"In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist."-- Truman Capote
"Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than through mortal friends."-- S. Weir Mitchell
[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.-- Mark Twain
"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions. We are haunted, not by reality, but by those images we have put in place of reality.-- Daniel J. Boorstin