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Men are all alike in their promises. It is only in their deeds that they differ.-- Moliere
I'm always making a comeback, but nobody ever tells me where I've been.-- Billie Holiday
Never moon a werewolf.
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
Politics: strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.-- Ambrose Bierce
'La vache qui rit est jolie.' (Laughing cows are pretty.)
Lies, damned lies and user documentation.
Never try to lick a glacier.
Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.-- Disraeli
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you
Maybe cybergoths are just cyberpunks who get laid.-- Sourcerer
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.-- Ambrose Bierce
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
There's a nut loose on your keyboard.
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion-- Ambrose Bierce
There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.
"O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou so fall?"-- Dante Alighieri
"Love is not the dying note of a twisted violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring."-- S.J. Perelman
Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.-- Molly Ivins
The principle difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection."-- Sidney Poitier
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
Alien, n: A being who travels great distances to molest our cattle and trample our grain.
"I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah."-- Sandra Hereld
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Science is the belief that we don't need belief to know most things.
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
Brain, n: The apparatus with which we think that we think.-- Ambrose Bierce
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.-- Jeremy S. Anderson
It's 3:30 A.M. Do you know where your mail is?
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."-- Noelie Alito
Well, there's a quantum computer that can factor [the number] 15, so those of you using 4-bit RSA should worry.-- Bruce Schneier
Never only doubt or only believe your doubts.
You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh.
Reason, v.i: To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.-- Ambrose Bierce
I don't like to spread gossip, but what else can you do with it?-- Sandy Hereld
Be the person you needed when you were younger.
Economics exists merely to employ economists.
Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."-- Derek Jarman
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.-- Mark Twain
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.-- Ambrose Bierce
Reconsider, v: To seek a justification for a decision already made.-- Ambrose Bierce
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.-- Willa Cather
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
"I'll fight for you, but I will not compete for you... There's a difference."
"I would rather believe that God did not exist than believe that He was indifferent."-- George Sand
Selfish, adj.: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.-- Ambrose Bierce
"Well, let's just say, 'if your VCR is still blinking 12:00,you don't want Linux'".-- Bruce Perens
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.-- Kierkegaard
Imagination, n: A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.-- Ambrose Bierce
At the beginning and at the end of love, the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.-- La Bruyere
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
"If angst were a popsicle, I'd be suckin' the stick."
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."-- Harvey Fierstein
And the pickles frolicked with the waffles, joyously.
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.
Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Politics: Poly (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
Join the army: meet interesting people, then kill them.
Bullshit, in contrast to mere nonsense, is something that implies, but does not contain, adequate meaning or truth.
You should have quit while you were only slighly behind.