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You're never too old to learn something stupid.
"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
From the 'Rules for women':
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about being stared at.
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.-- Steven Wright
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
Bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
"Me, getting smart with you? How would you know?"
Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
Emacs is a good operating system, but I prefer Unix.
You can't make a program without breaking some egos.
"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity."
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.-- T. S. Eliot
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
"Don't apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem."
"How many of you ever started dating somene because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"-- Judy Tenuta
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.-- Stephen Hawking
The game of Monopoly is a lot like life, except you don't get $200 for going through a green light, and you don't drive a thimble. But wouldn't it be cool if you did?-- Craig Stacey
"Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin."-- Tori Amos
Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.-- Solomon Short
If I have seen further than other men, it is by stepping on their glasses.-- Michael Swaine
Magnocartic, adj: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the living shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock (Star Trek IV)
Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
Thinking always of trying to do more brings a state of mind in which nothing seems impossible.-- Henry Ford
You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!-- C. Stanley
The haunting fragrance of her mysterious perfume lingered with me long after the blinding sting of her pepper spray had faded.-- Nick DeCamp
The irony is that Bill Gates claims to be making a stable operating system and Linus Torvalds claims to be trying to take over the world.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; happiness is doing it.
"We desire nothing so much as what we ought not to have"-- Buddha
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.-- Oscar Wilde
I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.-- Art Leo
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.-- Albert Einstein
If I'm not always happy, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It means I am doing something real.-- Laurie Seligman
"Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
On-line, adj: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Lust comes at first sight, love comes after staring at the same person for elongated periods of time.-- lj user slvrstarlight
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.-- Arnold Glasgow
"How many fingers am I holding up?" -- Kirk, making the Vulcan salute
"That's not very damn funny."-- McCoy (Star Trek III)
You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.-- Mary Pickford
I am two fools, I know, For loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.-- John Donne
Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
If I sit here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something.-- S.R. McElroy
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
There is a superstition in avoiding superstition.-- Francis Bacon
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."-- Stephen Hawking
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.-- Robert A. Heinlein
The secret of happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get.
Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around?-- Dr. Who
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."-- Mario Andretti
"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."-- Stephen King
I've decided, I'm going to feed every little addiction and silently go mad 'cause right now my writing sucks.-- Zaffel
"Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad and insane. Some of them started out that way."
2+2=5-ism: Caving in to a target marketing strategy aimed at oneself after holding out for a long period of time. "Oh, all right, I'll buy your stupid cola. Now leave me alone."-- Douglas Coupland ('Generation X')
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."-- Robert Frost
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.-- Arnold Bennett
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.-- Douglas Adams
"You know how sometimes the last sentence you said, like, echoes in your brain, and it just keeps sounding stupider? and you have to say something else, just to make it stop?"-- Angela Chase (my so-called life)
The possibility of stepping into a higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas about what is normal.-- Deepak Chopra
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.-- Albert Einstein
When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?-- Douglas Gauck
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.-- Samuel Butler
Venkman: I'm a little hazy on this good/bad stuff. What exactly is bad?
Igon: Imagine life as you know it stopping instantaneously and all the molecules in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Venkman: That would be bad. (Ghostbusters)
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."-- Mark Twain
'You are not in my shoes.' -- Worf
'Too bad. You'd be amazed at what I can do in a pair of size 18's.' -- Dax (Star Trek: DS9)
What are we to make of a system that blames us for failing to procreate while refusing us custody of our children? That perpetuates the myth that we are weaklings while denying us the right to serve in the military? That regards us as incapable of forming stable relationships while forbidding us to marry?-- Richard Goldstein (in the "Gay Life 1991" segment of The Village Voice)
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog."-- Mark Twain
After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.-- Spock (Star Trek, "Amok Time")
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?"-- Linda Ellerbee
Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.
"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."
The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote.-- Ambassador Kosh
Nothing true is popular, and nothing popular is true.
"I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs... because they have the most to hide. The guys that are in the most pain are usually the ones with the biggest hearts."-- Tori Amos
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is connected to anything else.
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
"All truth passes through three stages: first, it is ridiculed; second, it is violently opposed; third, it is accepted as being self-evident"-- Schopenhauer
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.-- Edsger Dijkstra
"Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the eyes with a big rubber basketball shoe."-- Hunter S. Thompson
"The Prophets teach us patience."
-- Vedek Bareil
"It appears they also teach you politics."-- Sisko (Star Trek: DS9)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.-- George Bernard Shaw