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"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
-- Westley (The Princess Bride)

"Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves."
-- J. B. Priestley

"A hard man is good to find."
-- Mae West

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
-- Mae West

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-- Mae West

“I speak two languages: Body and English.”
-- Mae West

It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.
-- Mae West

I always say, keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.
-- Mae West

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
-- Mae West

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
-- Mae West

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-- Mae West.

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
-- Mae West

"Don't keep a man guessing too long--he's sure to find the answer somewhere else."
-- Mae West

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
-- Mae West

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars.
-- William Westmoreland

Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.
-- Alan Keightley

Hartley's second law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

When I was your age I...wait, I can't tell that story, it's wildly inappropriate. Which, oddly enough, is my point. Don't you want wildly inappropriate stories that you can't tell your children?
-- Castle

Mae West: A plumber's idea of cleopatra.

-- W. C. Fields