49 hits
I think an embryo/fetus/baby becomes a "person" when it is smarter than a non-primate like a dog. By those standards, chimpanzees and gorillas are persons (although somewhat cognitively impaired--kind of like Fundamentalist Christians), but human newborns are not.-- Dave Touretzsky
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Say what you like about me, but sometimes I wish that I were really rich and didn't have to work. And also handsome.-- Dave George
There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.
"There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'."-- Dave Barry
Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.-- Dave Butler
I think if you really like a girl you have to pay a lot of attention to her. But try telling that to those jerks on the jury.-- Dave George
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-- Dave Edison
"I don't know what caffeine does for you, but I'm pretty sure without it your head caves in"-- Dave (News Radio)
It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived. (Dexter)
"Are you queer? Maybe just for tonight? 20 minutes? You don't have to be conscious."
Stenderup's law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
"Jacob Sullum has produced a thoughtful, sane, and logical analysis of our drug laws. Is that even legal?"-- Dave Barry
QoS means I don't have enough bandwidth, but if you pay me extra money I'll drop someone else's packets instead of yours.-- Dave Rand
Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.
"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.-- Confucius
"I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah."-- Sandra Hereld
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.-- Steven Wright
You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.-- J.D. Salinger
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.-- A. H. Weiler
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.-- Ben Aveling
"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."-- Tori Amos
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."-- Hedy Lamarr
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."-- Dave Barry
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."-- Tori Amos
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.-- Dave Barry
Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
"You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone."-- John Ciardi
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.-- Max Frisch
I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'-- Dave George
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.-- Oscar Wilde
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."-- Quentin Crisp
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."-- Michael Sinz
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
"I learned a long time ago that you really have to demand what you want out of life."-- Amanda Firefox
I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."-- Ben Franklin
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
Some days I think it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Like Saturdays, when I don't have to go to work.-- R. M. Weiner
In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.-- Ani Difranco
"We have to be able to criticize what we love, to say what we have to say, /
'cause if you're not trying to make something better, than as far as I can tell, you're just in the way."-- Ani Difranco