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Most children grow up to be adults in spite of their parents, not because of them.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
And so, the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.-- Terry Pratchett (Night Watch)
"One good turn gets most of the blankets"
QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
"Evangelists say Halloween is the devil's holiday. What a lame-ass devil! Sitting down in the depths of hell, going, 'I've got control of the major corporations, churning out weapons and toxic waste, but how can I get candy? Let me think--I'll get the children of the world to dress up as hobos and Power Rangers--and then I'll have all the bite-size Three Musketeers I need! Buhahaha!'"
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!
"All children are morbid. It is their one saving grace."-- Truman Capote
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
TCP_UP - The 16-bit TCP Urgent Pointer, encoded as the hex representation of the value of the field. The hex string MUST be capitalized since it is urgent. (RFC 3093)
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.-- Plato
"Familiarity breeds contempt--and children."-- Mark Twain
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.-- Perry Farrell
"I'm the Queen of the nerds. I love nerds- by which I mean, not a cool, bitchin' person. I guess I was a cool nerd. I wasn't shuffling my feet in the corner of the playground, I was the homecoming queen, but then, all the nerds voted for me."-- Tori Amos
He was just... well, like a lot of madmen. Somewhat accurate view of the problem, really insane view of the solution. (Kid Radd)
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.-- Ogden Nash
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.-- Steven Wright
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Manners are one of the truly lost causes.-- John Simon
Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.-- Oscar Wilde
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
X-Chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs. (Cynic's Dictionary)
The default Magic Word, Abracadabra, actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase ha-Bracha dab'ra which means "pronounce the blessing".
"I am not part of the problem; I am a Republican."-- Dan Quayle
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.-- Franklin P. Jones
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"-- Basho
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.-- Jack Handey
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."-- Oscar Wilde
No group of parents should have the right either to prevent other people's children from being educated or to require--as a quid pro quo--that they be equally exposed to the religious doctrines of Christian fundamentalism. It's bad enough that these parents may be denying their own children the educational tools necessary to cope with the diverse society into which they will be graduating. It is too much to give them a veto over the education of the rest of our children.-- Alan Dershowitz
I do not like the man: he has all of the virtues I detest and none of the vices I admire.-- Winston Churchill
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.-- Alan Watts
People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief."-- Arthur Schnitzler
X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.-- Erik Fair
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
"Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the eyes with a big rubber basketball shoe."-- Hunter S. Thompson
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have trained for years and years can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
If, in any culture, children are taught, 'We are all equally unworthy in the sight of God' -
If, in any culture, children are taught, 'You are born in sin and are sinful by nature' -
If children are given a message that amounts to 'Don't think, don't question, *believe*' -
If children are given a message that amounts to 'Who are you to place your mind above that of the priest, the minister, the rabbi?' -
If children are told, 'If you have value it is not because of anything you have done or could ever do, it is only because God loves you' -
If children are told, 'Submission to what you cannot understand is the beginning of morality' -
If children are instructed, 'Do not be "willful", self-assertiveness is the sin of pride' -
If children are instructed, 'Never think that you belong to yourself' -
If children are informed, 'In any clash between your judgement and that of your religious authorities, it is your authorities you must believe', -
If children are informed, 'Self-sacrifice is the foremost virtue and the noblest duty' -
- then consider what will be the likely consequences for the practice of living consciously, or the practice of self-assertiveness, or any of the other pillars of healthy self-esteem.-- Nathaniel Branden ("The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem")
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.-- Augustine
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.-- Clarence Darrow
"The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."-- George Bernard Shaw
If we couldn't laugh at things that didn't make sense,
we couldn't react to a lot of the world around us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
The direct use of physical force is so poor a solution to the problem of limited resources that it is commonly employed only by small children and great nations.-- David Friedman
"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."-- Tori Amos
Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"You ever hear of the Spartans, Lewis? Ancient Greece...traditional enemies of the Athenians? They were a warrior society. I'll try to make it simple for you...they were Klingon." (The Rhipodon Society)
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.-- H. L. Mencken
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.-- Kahlil Gibran
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.-- John Stuart Mill
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.-- J. Jenkins
There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.-- Oscar Wilde
Spagmumps, n: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"In corporate religions as in others, the heretic must be cast out not because of the probability that he is wrong but because of the possibility that he is right."-- Antony Jay
Do not go gentle into that good night... Rage, rage against the dying of the light.-- Dylan Thomas
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.-- Plato
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." (Calvin & Hobbes)
I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears tower, but I can't talk my wife out of the bathroom or my daughter off the phone. (The Negotiator)
"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
-- Josh Billings
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"-- Bumper sticker
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.-- Woody Allen
The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.
"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."-- Marlene Dietrich
Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.-- Horace Walpole
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.-- Steve Eastman
During a recent three-hour train journey in a carriage full of bawling kiddies, it struck me that it is odd that railways and airlines separate smokers from non-smokers, but not children from people.-- Eamonn McManus
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith