110 hits
I think that Vulcan is a geekocracy where the people who know the most about sci-fi get to rule.-- <br />
Keith Irwin
C Code.
C Code Run.
Run, Code, RUN!
PLEASE!!!!
"I may be crazy.
But I can fly."
'Mundus vult decipi'
(the world wants to be deceived)
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm scizofrenic
and so am I
No Risk Lifestyle, n:
Death
'The whole world loves a lover' is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.-- Keith Sullivan
ADAPTABILITY:
Excellent: Walks on water
Good: Walks on water in emergencies
Average: Washes with water
Fair: Drinks water
Poor: Passes water in emergencies
Arnold's First Law of Documentation
If it should exist, it doesn't.
Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
If it does exist, it's out of date.
Arnold's Third Law of Documentation
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
Only an artist knows what he meant to say with his work, and sometimes you'll need to deal with it.
"Logic, meet emotions.
Complex, meet logic and emotions.
Now, if you would, Logic, please club these two clueless fuckers upside the head"
First Law of Dieting:
Sex has negative calories.
Yakko: So we should go?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: Pardon?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: The stuff they're getting away with on kid's shows these days... (Animaniacs)
The Feynman Problem Solving Algorithm:
1. Write down the problem.
2. Think very hard.
3. Write down the answer.
BOMB SQUAD.
If I'm running, try to keep up. (T-Shirt)
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
Mary had a crypto key,
she kept it in escrow,
and everything that Mary said,
the Feds were sure to know.
I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?
Unfortunately, as Usenet gets out to the masses it will become diluted.
-- Nelson Minar
*Again*!?!?
-- David Preston
I paint what I eat. -- Chardin
I eat what I paint. -- Courbet
I eat paint. -- Van Gogh
I paint my food. -- Rauschenberg
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
Johner: I heard you, like, ran into these things before.
Ripley: That's right.
Johner: Wow, man. So, like, what did you do?
Ripley: I died.
(Alien: Resurrection)
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it
I'm sure your pleased too no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew.-- Janet Minor (`Spellbound')
I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance.
Little Johnny was a scientist.
Little Johnny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Fuck like you're being filmed
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"
Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
On the sexes:
Brains times Beauty times Availability = Constant.
When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout.
When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout
(as The Spice Girls play in background)
"What are they doing?"
"Psychological warfare." (Small Soldiers)
Murphy's Pharmaceutcal Law:
Only Adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
"I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful, a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild."-- Keats
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Where's the money?
Lucas: Joe, the money is gone.
Joe: Yeah I know it's gone. Where's it gone to?
Lucas: Atlantic City.
Joe: Atlantic City?
Lucas: Yeah.
Joe: Is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Lucas: Er, I don't think so Joe.
Joe: What's it doing in Atlantic City?
Lucas: Re-circulating.
Joe: Re-circulating?
Lucas: Uh-oh. Are you pissed off, Joe?
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.
Lucas: Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City, I swear.
Joe: Shut up. Shut up, sit down and don't you move.
Lucas: It could be in other cities by now.
Joe: Oh shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch. Unless it's to bring me $9000 and then you bring it here to me, OK?
Lucas: Joe. I think it's going to be OK.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. (Empire Records)
I always used to wonder why the pope wore drag.
-- Tom Farrell
Who cares, as long as he looks faaabulous?!-- Gene Smith
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that!
Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!! (The Princess Bride)
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
"They call him the Sand Spider"
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary." (True Lies)
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
"It stands for 'Sales and Marketing', you depraved monkeys."
"A rose by any other name, Stef."
(userfriendly.org)
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
Bees are very busy souls
They have no time for birth controls
And that is why in times like these
There are so many Sons of Bees.
(After watching the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Isaac Asimov : "HAL's breaking First Law! He's breaking First Law!"
Carl Sagan : "So, strike them with lightning, Isaac."
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
"Faith" is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see --
But microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency.-- Emily Dickinson
Listen to the Mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the Don'ts.
Listen to the Shouldn'ts,
The Impossibles, the Won'ts.
Listen to the Never haves,
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child
Anything can be.-- Shel Silverstein
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
Language and its absurd conjunctions;
Constellations and crustaceans rhyme.
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
To in good days say "look what i've reached"
and on bad days say "why was this done to me"
..is mighty disproportionate.
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.-- Ogden Nash
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
We were raised in vastly different places,/
Yet speak this uncanny similar tongue./
Sometimes we're different races./
Certainly we're different classes./
Yet our common bonds and common graces,/
Common wounds and destinations,/
Keep us closer than some married folks.-- Judy Grahn
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
Mia Wallace: "Pretty smart."
Vincent Vega: "Yeah, I got my moments." (Pulp Fiction)
Sign in a hotel elevator in Paris:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer. (Clerks)
"The Prophets teach us patience."
-- Vedek Bareil
"It appears they also teach you politics."-- Sisko (Star Trek: DS9)
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.-- T.S. Eliot
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
Primus in orbe Deus fecit timor.
"It was fear that introduced gods into the world."
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
"I wanna hold your hand" -- The Beatles.
"I wanna fuck you like an animal" -- Nine Inch Nails.
30 years of rock 'n roll evolution.
Most Gracious Queen we thee implore,
To go away and sin no more,
But if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate.-- Lord Colchester
Three Accounts for the Super-users in the sky,
Seven for the Operators in their halls of fame,
Nine for Ordinary Users doomed to crie,
One for the Illegal Cracker with his evil game
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
One Account to rule them all, One Account to watch them,
One Account to make them all and in the network bind them
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
Private faces in public places /
Are wiser and nicer /
Than public faces in private places.-- W.H. Auden
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes! (Spaceballs)
If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction.
The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so friendly.
The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.-- Dolph Sharp ("I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot")
"I think we better split up."
"Good idea. We can do more damage that way." (Ghostbusters)
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong
And I am Marie of Roumania.-- Dororhy Parker
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."
The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Arthur C. Clarke's Law :
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
I've just spent a significant portion of my day reading an ethernet terminal server manual, and was vaguely amused to see that they have a feature called Camp-on (allows you to wait on a port until it's no longer being used.) However it got more amusing when I read the configuration example:
strip-record: raw direct_camp_on=always 1-3,8@132.245.6.32/6300
I've seen some drag acts like that...-- Keith Duddy
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
In a cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
Murphy's First Law of Computing:
Whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
"Have you ever wondered how that could have happened?"
"No."
"That was a rhetorical question. It wasn't meant to be answered."
"But that was a rhetorical answer. It wasn't meant to be questioned."
Let not young minds be smothered out before
They do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride
It is the world's one crime its babes grow dull
Its poor are ox-like, limp, and leaden-eyed.
Not that they starve, but that they starve so dreamlessly.
Not that they sow, but that they seldom reap.
Not that they serve, but that they have no gods to serve.
Not that they die, but that they die like sheep.-- Vachel Lindsay
Dracula: I am Count Dracula!
Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street? (Animaniacs)
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
Wit is a form of arousal.
We challenge one another to be funnier and smarter.
It's high-energy play.
It's the way friends make love to one another.-- Anne Gottlieb
* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all! (bash.org)
There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
It's summer and some people head for the woods.
Canoe wild streams to show they've got the goods,
Hiking and biking and running outdoors;
I think I'll just go out and lie on my porch.
Give me two pillows and a bottle of Pabst.
I once was a traveller, but my interest lapsed;
I went thousands of miles, natives to see
They were sitting on porches, laughing at me.-- Garrison Keillor
"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock (Star Trek IV)
The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.
Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.
Mustard: That's right! (Clue)
Sign in a Nairobi restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."