95 hits
I think that Vulcan is a geekocracy where the people who know the most about sci-fi get to rule.-- <br />
Keith Irwin
C Code.
C Code Run.
Run, Code, RUN!
PLEASE!!!!
No Risk Lifestyle, n:
Death
"I may be crazy.
But I can fly."
'Mundus vult decipi'
(the world wants to be deceived)
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm scizofrenic
and so am I
Arnold's First Law of Documentation
If it should exist, it doesn't.
Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
If it does exist, it's out of date.
Arnold's Third Law of Documentation
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
BOMB SQUAD.
If I'm running, try to keep up. (T-Shirt)
First Law of Dieting:
Sex has negative calories.
ADAPTABILITY:
Excellent: Walks on water
Good: Walks on water in emergencies
Average: Washes with water
Fair: Drinks water
Poor: Passes water in emergencies
"Logic, meet emotions.
Complex, meet logic and emotions.
Now, if you would, Logic, please club these two clueless fuckers upside the head"
The Feynman Problem Solving Algorithm:
1. Write down the problem.
2. Think very hard.
3. Write down the answer.
'The whole world loves a lover' is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.-- Keith Sullivan
Mary had a crypto key,
she kept it in escrow,
and everything that Mary said,
the Feds were sure to know.
Unfortunately, as Usenet gets out to the masses it will become diluted.
-- Nelson Minar
*Again*!?!?
-- David Preston
I paint what I eat. -- Chardin
I eat what I paint. -- Courbet
I eat paint. -- Van Gogh
I paint my food. -- Rauschenberg
I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance.
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
Only an artist knows what he meant to say with his work, and sometimes you'll need to deal with it.
Johner: I heard you, like, ran into these things before.
Ripley: That's right.
Johner: Wow, man. So, like, what did you do?
Ripley: I died.
(Alien: Resurrection)
Yakko: So we should go?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: Pardon?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: The stuff they're getting away with on kid's shows these days... (Animaniacs)
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"
I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Fuck like you're being filmed
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
Little Johnny was a scientist.
Little Johnny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout.
When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it
I'm sure your pleased too no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew.-- Janet Minor (`Spellbound')
(as The Spice Girls play in background)
"What are they doing?"
"Psychological warfare." (Small Soldiers)
On the sexes:
Brains times Beauty times Availability = Constant.
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
"They call him the Sand Spider"
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary." (True Lies)
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
"I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful, a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild."-- Keats
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
"It stands for 'Sales and Marketing', you depraved monkeys."
"A rose by any other name, Stef."
(userfriendly.org)
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Where's the money?
Lucas: Joe, the money is gone.
Joe: Yeah I know it's gone. Where's it gone to?
Lucas: Atlantic City.
Joe: Atlantic City?
Lucas: Yeah.
Joe: Is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Lucas: Er, I don't think so Joe.
Joe: What's it doing in Atlantic City?
Lucas: Re-circulating.
Joe: Re-circulating?
Lucas: Uh-oh. Are you pissed off, Joe?
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.
Lucas: Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City, I swear.
Joe: Shut up. Shut up, sit down and don't you move.
Lucas: It could be in other cities by now.
Joe: Oh shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch. Unless it's to bring me $9000 and then you bring it here to me, OK?
Lucas: Joe. I think it's going to be OK.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. (Empire Records)
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that!
Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!! (The Princess Bride)
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer. (Clerks)
Bees are very busy souls
They have no time for birth controls
And that is why in times like these
There are so many Sons of Bees.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Language and its absurd conjunctions;
Constellations and crustaceans rhyme.
Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"
To in good days say "look what i've reached"
and on bad days say "why was this done to me"
..is mighty disproportionate.
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
Mia Wallace: "Pretty smart."
Vincent Vega: "Yeah, I got my moments." (Pulp Fiction)
"Faith" is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see --
But microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency.-- Emily Dickinson
Sign in a hotel elevator in Paris:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.-- Ogden Nash
Listen to the Mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the Don'ts.
Listen to the Shouldn'ts,
The Impossibles, the Won'ts.
Listen to the Never haves,
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child
Anything can be.-- Shel Silverstein
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Primus in orbe Deus fecit timor.
"It was fear that introduced gods into the world."
(After watching the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Isaac Asimov : "HAL's breaking First Law! He's breaking First Law!"
Carl Sagan : "So, strike them with lightning, Isaac."
"I think we better split up."
"Good idea. We can do more damage that way." (Ghostbusters)
Murphy's Pharmaceutcal Law:
Only Adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
"The Prophets teach us patience."
-- Vedek Bareil
"It appears they also teach you politics."-- Sisko (Star Trek: DS9)
"I wanna hold your hand" -- The Beatles.
"I wanna fuck you like an animal" -- Nine Inch Nails.
30 years of rock 'n roll evolution.
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
We were raised in vastly different places,/
Yet speak this uncanny similar tongue./
Sometimes we're different races./
Certainly we're different classes./
Yet our common bonds and common graces,/
Common wounds and destinations,/
Keep us closer than some married folks.-- Judy Grahn
Private faces in public places /
Are wiser and nicer /
Than public faces in private places.-- W.H. Auden
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.-- T.S. Eliot
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes! (Spaceballs)
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
Arthur C. Clarke's Law :
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Most Gracious Queen we thee implore,
To go away and sin no more,
But if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate.-- Lord Colchester
Dracula: I am Count Dracula!
Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street? (Animaniacs)
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Three Accounts for the Super-users in the sky,
Seven for the Operators in their halls of fame,
Nine for Ordinary Users doomed to crie,
One for the Illegal Cracker with his evil game
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
One Account to rule them all, One Account to watch them,
One Account to make them all and in the network bind them
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
In a cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all! (bash.org)
Murphy's First Law of Computing:
Whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."
"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock (Star Trek IV)
The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong
And I am Marie of Roumania.-- Dororhy Parker
"Have you ever wondered how that could have happened?"
"No."
"That was a rhetorical question. It wasn't meant to be answered."
"But that was a rhetorical answer. It wasn't meant to be questioned."