99 hits
I think that Vulcan is a geekocracy where the people who know the most about sci-fi get to rule.-- <br />
Keith Irwin
C Code.
C Code Run.
Run, Code, RUN!
PLEASE!!!!
No Risk Lifestyle, n:
Death
"I may be crazy.
But I can fly."
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
'Mundus vult decipi'
(the world wants to be deceived)
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm scizofrenic
and so am I
Arnold's First Law of Documentation
If it should exist, it doesn't.
Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
If it does exist, it's out of date.
Arnold's Third Law of Documentation
Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
ADAPTABILITY:
Excellent: Walks on water
Good: Walks on water in emergencies
Average: Washes with water
Fair: Drinks water
Poor: Passes water in emergencies
'The whole world loves a lover' is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.-- Keith Sullivan
BOMB SQUAD.
If I'm running, try to keep up. (T-Shirt)
First Law of Dieting:
Sex has negative calories.
"Logic, meet emotions.
Complex, meet logic and emotions.
Now, if you would, Logic, please club these two clueless fuckers upside the head"
The Feynman Problem Solving Algorithm:
1. Write down the problem.
2. Think very hard.
3. Write down the answer.
Only an artist knows what he meant to say with his work, and sometimes you'll need to deal with it.
Unfortunately, as Usenet gets out to the masses it will become diluted.
-- Nelson Minar
*Again*!?!?
-- David Preston
I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?
Yakko: So we should go?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: Pardon?
Picasso: Oui, oui.
Yakko: The stuff they're getting away with on kid's shows these days... (Animaniacs)
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it
I'm sure your pleased too no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew.-- Janet Minor (`Spellbound')
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
Johner: I heard you, like, ran into these things before.
Ripley: That's right.
Johner: Wow, man. So, like, what did you do?
Ripley: I died.
(Alien: Resurrection)
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
Mary had a crypto key,
she kept it in escrow,
and everything that Mary said,
the Feds were sure to know.
I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance.
I paint what I eat. -- Chardin
I eat what I paint. -- Courbet
I eat paint. -- Van Gogh
I paint my food. -- Rauschenberg
"I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table --
Four and I'm under the host!"
Little Johnny was a scientist.
Little Johnny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Fuck like you're being filmed
(as The Spice Girls play in background)
"What are they doing?"
"Psychological warfare." (Small Soldiers)
Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"
When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout.
On the sexes:
Brains times Beauty times Availability = Constant.
"They call him the Sand Spider"
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary." (True Lies)
When in trouble, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
Murphy's Pharmaceutcal Law:
Only Adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at us.
Inigo: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that!
Inigo: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!! (The Princess Bride)
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Where's the money?
Lucas: Joe, the money is gone.
Joe: Yeah I know it's gone. Where's it gone to?
Lucas: Atlantic City.
Joe: Atlantic City?
Lucas: Yeah.
Joe: Is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Lucas: Er, I don't think so Joe.
Joe: What's it doing in Atlantic City?
Lucas: Re-circulating.
Joe: Re-circulating?
Lucas: Uh-oh. Are you pissed off, Joe?
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas.
Lucas: Joe.
Joe: Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.
Lucas: Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City, I swear.
Joe: Shut up. Shut up, sit down and don't you move.
Lucas: It could be in other cities by now.
Joe: Oh shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch. Unless it's to bring me $9000 and then you bring it here to me, OK?
Lucas: Joe. I think it's going to be OK.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. (Empire Records)
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer. (Clerks)
"It stands for 'Sales and Marketing', you depraved monkeys."
"A rose by any other name, Stef."
(userfriendly.org)
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
I always used to wonder why the pope wore drag.
-- Tom Farrell
Who cares, as long as he looks faaabulous?!-- Gene Smith
"I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful, a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild."-- Keats
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
"Faith" is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see --
But microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency.-- Emily Dickinson
(After watching the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Isaac Asimov : "HAL's breaking First Law! He's breaking First Law!"
Carl Sagan : "So, strike them with lightning, Isaac."
Language and its absurd conjunctions;
Constellations and crustaceans rhyme.
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
Listen to the Mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the Don'ts.
Listen to the Shouldn'ts,
The Impossibles, the Won'ts.
Listen to the Never haves,
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child
Anything can be.-- Shel Silverstein
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
Mia Wallace: "Pretty smart."
Vincent Vega: "Yeah, I got my moments." (Pulp Fiction)
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.-- Ogden Nash
"The Prophets teach us patience."
-- Vedek Bareil
"It appears they also teach you politics."-- Sisko (Star Trek: DS9)
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Bees are very busy souls
They have no time for birth controls
And that is why in times like these
There are so many Sons of Bees.
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.
Sign in a hotel elevator in Paris:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
Academe, n:
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n:
[from Academe] A modern school where football is taught.-- Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
To in good days say "look what i've reached"
and on bad days say "why was this done to me"
..is mighty disproportionate.
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
Primus in orbe Deus fecit timor.
"It was fear that introduced gods into the world."
"I think we better split up."
"Good idea. We can do more damage that way." (Ghostbusters)
Private faces in public places /
Are wiser and nicer /
Than public faces in private places.-- W.H. Auden
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes! (Spaceballs)
"I wanna hold your hand" -- The Beatles.
"I wanna fuck you like an animal" -- Nine Inch Nails.
30 years of rock 'n roll evolution.
Three Accounts for the Super-users in the sky,
Seven for the Operators in their halls of fame,
Nine for Ordinary Users doomed to crie,
One for the Illegal Cracker with his evil game
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
One Account to rule them all, One Account to watch them,
One Account to make them all and in the network bind them
In the Domains of Internet where the data lie.
We were raised in vastly different places,/
Yet speak this uncanny similar tongue./
Sometimes we're different races./
Certainly we're different classes./
Yet our common bonds and common graces,/
Common wounds and destinations,/
Keep us closer than some married folks.-- Judy Grahn
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.-- T.S. Eliot
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Most Gracious Queen we thee implore,
To go away and sin no more,
But if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate.-- Lord Colchester
* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all! (bash.org)
In a cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
"Do not bend the spoon, instead realize the truth."
"The truth?"
"That the spoon effect will be added later by some sort of SGI workstation."
If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction.
The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so friendly.
The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.-- Dolph Sharp ("I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot")
The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
Dracula: I am Count Dracula!
Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street? (Animaniacs)
"You're not exactly catching us at our best" -- Kirk
"That much is certain" -- Spock (Star Trek IV)
Arthur C. Clarke's Law :
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Ellen Ripley: Whenever he says anything, you say, "right," Brett. You know that?
Brett: Right. (Alien)
Wit is a form of arousal.
We challenge one another to be funnier and smarter.
It's high-energy play.
It's the way friends make love to one another.-- Anne Gottlieb
"Have you ever wondered how that could have happened?"
"No."
"That was a rhetorical question. It wasn't meant to be answered."
"But that was a rhetorical answer. It wasn't meant to be questioned."