randomsearchproposestats
342 hits
Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
-- G. M. Trevelyan
Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes.
Never moon a werewolf.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.
-- Evelyn Waugh
Never try to lick a glacier.
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
-- Steven Wright
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
Never only doubt or only believe your doubts.
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.
-- Steve VanDevender
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Every silver lining has a cloud.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
For practical purposes we have agreed that sanity consists in sharing the hallucinations of our neighbors.
-- Evelyn Underhill
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
-- Steve Wozniak
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
Whenever you fall, pick someone up.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
-- Steven Wright
If god dropped acid, would he see people?
-- Steven Wright
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
The revolution will NOT be televised.
Modern times are an awkward spectacle. On the one hand, our public selves compete for scarce window space, for the opportunity to see in and to where power is decided and used. On the other, private life recedes like a glacier, a translucent corner of heaven meant only to be photographed, never settled.
-- Revel
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
-- Aaron Levenstein
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-- Steven Wright
If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Steven Wright
Arithmetic: An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
Piety, n: Reverence for the Supreme Being, based on His supposed resemblance to man.
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."
-- Steve Lidie
Men forget, but never forgive. Women forgive, but never forget.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
"Has anyone ever told you you have a SERIOUS impulse control problem?"
-- Riddler (Batman Forever)
I revel some but not nearly enough to get up on stage. In fact, the amount of drunken revelry required to get me on stage in a karaoke bar would probably also send me into a coma.
-- Joe Lavin
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
-- Steven Wright
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-- Steven Wright
You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh.
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
-- Steven Wright
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.
-- Ben Aveling
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
-- Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-- Steven Wright
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
A thief believes everybody steals.
-- E.W. Howe
Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.
"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever."
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
-- James Dean
"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."
-- Steve Witham
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
There was never a saint with red hair.
(Russian proverb)
Don't publicly appear clever. It is a real nuisance.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
-- Adlai Stevenson
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.
-- Susan Sontag
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
-- Oscar Wilde
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
-- Theodore Roosevelt
You think Oedipus had a problem--Adam was Eve's mother.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Never underestimate the falseness of a generalisation.
Headline: Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
"Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalizations than in their particular observations."
-- Machiavelli
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...
-- Steven Wright
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-- Albert Einstein
A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right."
What a man knows at fifty that he didn't know at twenty is, for the most part, incommunicable.
-- Adlai Stevenson
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
-- Lily Tomlin
"For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision."
-- Kelvin Throop III
Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.
-- Robert Heinlein
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
-- Steven Wright
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
Never underestimate the human capacity for cognitive dissonance.
I need more tact. I never say anything I want to say very well. I'm even worse at what I don't want to say.
"In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence."
-- Laurence Johnston Peter
"Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student."
-- George Iles
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
"Everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do afterwards that counts."
Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
(A coffee cup)
I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
Hartley's second law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
Intuition comes from experience, that experience comes from failure, and that failure comes from trying.
-- Paul Snively (Lambda the Ultimate weblog)
There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor
Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy
Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
"Never judge a book by its movie."
-- J.W. Eagan
Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
There are things so deeply personal that they can be revealed only to strangers.
-- Richard Rodriguez
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking that we have done so far, has created problems we cannot solve at the level of thinking at which we created them.
-- Albert Einstein
Power doesn't always corrupt. Power always reveals. When you have enough power to do what you always wanted to do, then you see what the guy always wanted to do.
"Unrequited love. It's fantastic! It never has to change, it never has to grow up, it never has to die."
-- Vince Tyler (Queer as Folk)
If it wasn't for the optimist the pessimist would never know how happy he isn't.
Life is like a dog-sled team; If you ain't the lead dog, the scene never changes.
Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It's the only way to make progress.
-- Havelock Vetinari
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
There are always alternatives.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Galileo Seven")
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.
Never run from anything immortal. It only attracts their attention.
(The Last Unicorn)
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
...as usual, some long-dead guy said what I meant to say far better than I ever could.
'It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future'
-- Rimmer trying to explain timetravel (Red Dwarf, "Future Echoes")
Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
"Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
"There's nothing like desire to prevent the things one says from having any resemblance to the things in one's mind."
-- Marcel Proust
Everybody is clever nowadays. You cannot go anywhere without meeting clever people. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.
-- Oscar Wilde
Analogy is even slipperier than logic.
-- Jubal (Stranger In A Strange Land)
"I would rather believe that God did not exist than believe that He was indifferent."
-- George Sand
Even if you're paranoid, maybe the guy with the chainsaw really is after you.
"People can travel great distances on a computer, so why can't we travel that way emotionally?"
-- Tori Amos
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.
-- Steve Eastman
Dad taught me everything I know, but he didn't teach me everything he knows.
-- Al Unser Jr.
Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused, but on a higher level.
-- Enrico Fermi
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Alien, n: A being who travels great distances to molest our cattle and trample our grain.
Real love stories never have endings.
-- Richard Bach
Whenever you fall, pick something up.
-- Oswald Avery
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
-- Jack Handey
"The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience."
Never fight an inanimate object.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
"Virtue has never been as respectable as money."
-- Mark Twain
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it."
(Calvin & Hobbes)
Given a choice between dancing pigs and security, users will pick dancing pigs every time.
"The proverb warns that 'You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself."
-- Thomas Szasz
People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.
-- Andy Warhol
"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
"Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see."
-- Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)
"No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved."
-- Mignon McLaughlin
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
-- Dorothy Parker
If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump to safety, but if you put that same frog in a pot of cold water and turn on the heat, it will stay and be scalded to death.
-- Everett Dirksen
Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet.
-- Kin Hubbard
There's an argument to be made that beneath every cynic there is a frustrated romantic.
(Fringe)
"To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition."
-- Albert Einstein
"The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools."
The obvious mathematical breakthrough [to break modern encryption] would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.
-- Bill Gates (The Road Ahead)
The course of true love never did run smooth.
-- Shakespeare
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-- Kipling
"Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated."
-- George Santayana
May you live every day of your life.
-- Jonathan Swift
"If you risk nothing, then you risk everything."
-- Geena Davis
"When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever."
"Your uniform is very... informative."
-- The Doctor (to Seven of Nine)
"I know what I don't believe in. I know what I've rejected. But I'm not sure what I do believe in."
-- Trent Reznor
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.
-- Alfred Korzybski
Almost everything alive is about some kind of balance. Heck, even a lot of things that are not alive are about balance. However, thinking a particular balance is the only balance is often a mistake.
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-- R. Clopton
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Murphy's First Law of Computing:
Whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
-- Will Rogers
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-- Mae West.
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
-- Steven Wright
"Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real sovereign in every free one."
-- James Madison
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
-- Rob Pike (on X)
"Whatever sinks your boat, and gets you wet."
-- Andrew Harman
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Daria: I believe in coffee, coffee for everyone. But I don't want to sell chocolate anymore. It makes me feel dirty.
Jane: The bad kind of dirty.
(Daria)
"Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal."
-- Martin Luther King Jr.
The road to a friend's house is never long.
-- Danish proverb
Is there no accounting for taste? There isn't even a budget for it.
-- Sean Levy
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Woody Allen
The older I get, the more I think you ever learn is either further subtleties, or further distractions.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long ("Time Enough for Love")
Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there.
If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
-- Robert Cringely ("InfoWorld")
Whoever said women don't like porn just isn't talking to the right women. Or showing them the right porn.
"Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person good night."
-- Andy Warhol
Ellen Ripley: Whenever he says anything, you say, "right," Brett. You know that?
Brett: Right.
(Alien)
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.
-- Goethe
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
-- Don Marquis
Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not fact. Everything we see is an perspective, not the truth.
-- Marcus Aurelius
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
-- Andre Gide
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
-- William Dement
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
-- Groucho Marx
Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."
-- Bryan White
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Fuck like you're being filmed
"Every man is afraid of something.That`s how you know he`s in love with you;when he is afraid of losing you"
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
"Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think."
-- Neils Bohr
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-- Mark Twain
"Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent."
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.
-- Elbert Hubbard
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.
(PS magazine (August 1993) the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance)
Everything ends this way in France, everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, burials, swindlings, diplomatic affairs -- everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
-- Jean Anouilh
Take time to come home to yourself everyday.
-- Robin Casarjeam
"The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they will believe they are as clever as he."
-- Karl Kraus
"If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him."
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
While humans are very flexible creatures, we're born with a number of powerful instincts, which are found across all cultures. Chief amongst these are a dislike of snakes, a fear of falling, and a hatred of popup windows.

-- Steve Taylor
The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
-- Dorothy Parker
Revolution is a trivial shift in the emphasis of suffering.
-- Tom Stoppard
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
-- Sam Brown
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
-- Confucius
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
-- Groucho Marx
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
"Whenever I say something they find hard to hear /
they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear."
-- Ani Difranco (Pretty Girl)
Thinking of Maud you forget everything else. -- hack v1.0.3
Who was that Maud person anyway? -- nethack v3.1.0
A legal kiss is never as good as a stolen one.
-- Guy de Maupassant
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
-- Albert Einstein
The important thing is never to stop questioning.
-- Albert Einstein
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it - even if I have said it - unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
-- Buddha
"Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad and insane. Some of them started out that way."
Murphy's Eleventh Law of Computing:
A computer program will follow your orders, but rarely your intentions.
Eheu, horsum venit vir qui fert locustas!
[Uh-oh, here comes the lobster man!]
('Latin For Even More Occasions')
"In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them."
-- Dr. Joyce Brothers
�...Because the establishment never gets it. That�s how it is with paradigm shift. The establishment does not see where the next wave is coming from. And even if they hire someone to tell them where the next wave is coming from, they never believe them.�
-- Ted Nelson
"That tongue! ...if he became a eunuch, it wouldn't even matter!"
-- Tori Amos (on Trent Reznor)
"Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend."
-- Agatha Christie
"Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them."
-- Louis B. Nizer
I love you enough to nauseate several poets.
-- Sheridyn Woodward
Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
Scientists find wonder in everything, except extremely dull papers on quality assurance.

-- Telo (#xkcd)
"Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men."
-- Jean Rostand
"I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?"
-- Joan Baez
"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel."
"Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone."
-- Mark Twain
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says; he is always convinced that it says what he means.
-- George Bernard Shaw
Life may seem unfair, but Life never cheats the way people do.
-- Stewart Kramer
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
"If you ever have a free moment, you might consider checking out the travel brochures for the town in which you live. You might be amazed. You might not want to live there anymore."
-- Douglas Coupland
"They are wrong who say that love is blind. On the contrary, nothing - not even the smallest detail - escapes the eyes; one sees everything in the loved one, notices everything; but melts it all into one flame with the great and simple: �I love you.�"
"Here's a horrible thought: You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half the human race is even dumber than that..."
You use sex to express every emotion except love
-- Husbands and Wives
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
-- Mark Twain
“If you ever need a reminder of how awesome you are, just ask. I think everyone is awesome. I think the garbage man is awesome.”
-- Amanda Firefox
"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."
-- Hemingway
It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.
-- Blaise Pascal
You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
-- William Blake
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
-- H. L. Mencken
Ever heard of .cshrc? That's a city in Bosnia. Right?
(Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of UNIX commands)
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable."
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
But more frustrating are the ones who say "I could never / I would never." Let's be honest--you don't know. You don't know if you'll ever win a lottery, you don't know if you'll ever be in the position where you'll have to kill someone, you don't know if you'll ever fall in love with someone, anyone, regardless of gender.
-- Elf Sternberg
Being abstract is something profoundly different from being vague... The purpose of abstraction is not to be vague, but to create a new semantic level in which one can be absolutely precise.
-- Edsger Dijkstra
It swims through a sublogical fantasy world where there are no rules that can't be violated by the set designer, where everybody is really thin and beautiful and wears really cool clothes, and where death is everywhere.
-- Stephen Hunter (The Washington Post, review of 'The Cell')
"For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong."
-- H. L. Mencken
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear..." she replied.
"The thing that I'm into is the philosophy of the music. I love the surprise of things, the accidents--just the sound of a word, to try to express them in the best way, so that the emotion is totally revealed."
-- Beth Gibbons
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."
-- Tori Amos
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
-- Carl Jung
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-- Oscar Wilde
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
-- Aldous Huxley
"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?"
-- Ayn Rand
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."
-- Doug Larson
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein
On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
-- Virginia Woolf
Pigslice, n: The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dying for.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
I'm always making a comeback, but nobody ever tells me where I've been.
-- Billie Holiday
Now art should never try to be popular. The public should try to make itself artistic.
-- Oscar Wilde
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.
-- Charles Darwin
"Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them."
-- Robert Strauss (on conducting)
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
-- Mario Andretti
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
-- Stanislow Jerzy Lec
I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is us.
-- Konrad Lorenz
"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good."


-- Vaclav Havel
"Everything that can be said can be said clearly."
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein
Mary had a crypto key,
 she kept it in escrow,
and everything that Mary said,
 the Feds were sure to know.
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
-- Harvey Fierstein
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."
-- Lao-Tzu
"How many of you ever started dating somene because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"
-- Judy Tenuta
"Who ever walked behind anyone to freedom? If we can't go hand in hand, I don't want to go."
-- Hazel Scott
I've decided, I'm going to feed every little addiction and silently go mad 'cause right now my writing sucks.
-- Zaffel
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."
-- Goethe
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
-- Oscar Wilde
I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had.
-- Margaret Mead
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let 'em go because, man, they're gone.
-- Jack Handey
"It's a strange thing, but every sentient race has its own version of these Swedish meatballs. I suspect it's one of those great universal mysteries which will either never be explained or which would drive you mad if you ever learned the truth."
-- G'Kar (Babylon 5)
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.
-- Miguel de Unamuno (Spanish philosopher and writer)
"True friendship is never serene."
-- Marie de Rabutin-Chantal
"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."
-- Quentin Crisp
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Maybe you can keep me from ever being happy, but you're not gonna stop me from having fun.
-- Ani Difranco
There was something - difficult to describe, when you've only got shoddy, post-modernist adjectives to work with - cheerfully revential in his manner, as if he had just seen the Messiah and remembered that the Messiah owed him twenty quid.
-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
"The BBC is like a sausage machine: whatever you put in one end, you get Dr. Who out the other".
-- Neil Gaiman
"I thought they would be creepy, mid-western geeks who had probably done a Gloria Estefan B-side four years ago and all they wanted was some novelty Scottish bagpipe song."
-- Shirley Manson (On meeting Butch, Duke and Steve for the first time)
Every psychic investigator of [the medium] Mrs. Piper was impressed by her simplicity and honesty. It never occurred to them that no charlatan ever achieves greatness by acting like a charlatan. No professional spy acts like a spy. No card cheat behaves at the table like a card cheat.
-- Martin W. Gardner
"Every man has his follies, and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."
-- Josh Billings
Did you ever notice that 'love' spelled backwards is 'evil'? Well, not exactly, but it's still pretty scary.
-- Ben Bass
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.
-- Samuel Johnson
'Truth' never set anyone free. It is only doubt which will bring mental emancipation.
-- Anton LaVey
The simple rights, the civil liberties from generations of struggle must not be just fine words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert on weekdays, but living, honored rules of conduct amongst us... I'm glad the American Civil Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.
-- Adlai Stevenson
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
-- Abraham Kapla
By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.
-- Robert Frost
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you."
(Cheers)
In a church bulletin: This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.
-- Charles Baudelaire
Peace is not the absence of war. Peace is the presence of a system for resolving conflicts before war becomes necessary. War never creates peace.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
-- Otto von Bismarck
"Whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither, in my opinion, is safe."
-- Edmund Burke
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
-- Robert A. Heinlein
It is possible to believe that all the past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. It is possible to believe that all the human mind has ever accomplished is but the dream before the awakening.
-- H.G. Wells
Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.
-- Jenna
Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"We are at times too ready to believe that the present is the only possible state of things."
-- Marcel Proust
I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you they do it so nicely.
-- Josephine Baker
Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief to excuse their cruelty. Only kindly men believe in a kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.
-- Bertrand Russell
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
-- Margaret Lee Runbeck