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"I don't know what caffeine does for you, but I'm pretty sure without it your head caves in"
-- Dave (News Radio)
"A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead."
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for."
-- Jasper Carrott
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
-- Deteriorata (from the National Lampoon Radio Dinner album)
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
-- Gilda Radner
He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."
-- Mark Twain
"If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war. Lots of accidents, maybe."
"Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy."
-- Richard M. Nixon
In art, as in no other form of endeavor, there is meaning apart from success.
-- Joseph Conrad
I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is us.
-- Konrad Lorenz
"Why be afraid of these cuddly, soft, adorable things? For a minute, I thought they were communicating with me."
-- Tori Amos (on National Public Radio, regarding the rats in her `God' video)
"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
-- Joseph Conrad
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
-- Dorothy Parker (Not So Deep as a Well (1937), "News Item")
"I do sound like the Little Mermaid on acid."
-- Tori Amos (Newsweek, 1996)
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
"News" is just the stuff they use to fill up all the empty space they couldn't sell for advertising.
What's wrong with being drunk in bed? Being drunk on the floor of the garage, I can understand someone objecting to. But drunk in bed?
-- Brad DeLong
We're the technical experts. We were hired so that management could ignore our recommendations and tell us how to do our jobs.
-- Mike Andrews (a.s.r.)
Teacher's First Law of Grading Lab Papers: If an experiment has perfect results, the student has cheated.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
...postmodernity, once the plaything of smarty-pants French guys, in truth belongs to the engagingly stupid.
(Newsweek)
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila."
-- Mitch Radcliffe