randomsearchproposestats
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Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-- Kipling

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.

You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.
-- J.D. Salinger

"Every man has his follies, and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."
-- Josh Billings

The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.
-- Ben Aveling

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

Cornflakes are not the innocent critters they seem!
-- Sterling Morrison

Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up.

"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."

-- Josh Billings

Headline: Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is connected to anything else.

The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.

I have no problem dealing with reality, but as a lifestyle I find it too confining.
-- Lily Tomlin

After ecstasy, The laundry.
-- Zen Saying

Headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.
-- Caitlin Bree (Clerks)

"Making the simple complicated is easy. Making the complicated simple is brilliant."

Love is a verb, not a noun.
-- Clint Black

Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-- Lily Tomlin

Politics is storytelling. We just pick the one we like best.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
-- Lily Tomlin

Nowadays, originality is the art of concealing your source.

It is better to waste one's youth, than to do nothing at all with it.
-- Courteline

"You have not truly experinced Shakespeare until you have read it in the original Klingon."
-- The Klingon chancellor (Star Trek VI)

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
-- Rod Serling

Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
-- Robert Frost

There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.

Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.
-- Molly Ivins

Headline: Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Adultery - two wrong people doing the right thing.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

Ass, n: The masculine of "lass".

This world doesn't need fixing. It needs changing.

Perpetual motion, illustrated: Try putting a slinky on an escalator.

A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.

Indifference is the key when dealing with a narcissistic megalomaniac.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

"Geologists will date anything."

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Nothing true is popular, and nothing popular is true.

I like life -- it's something to do.

"I'll take Fucking Clues for $200."

Please do not duck the next time the clue-by-four swings your way.
-- Ben Browning

"I will do anything when he says make it so"
-- Sexy Finger Champs

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; happiness is doing it.

The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

Everything ends this way in France, everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, burials, swindlings, diplomatic affairs -- everything is a pretext for a good dinner.
-- Jean Anouilh

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing?
-- Stephen Hawking

Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?
-- Ellen Ripley (Aliens)

Accuracy, n: The vice of being right.

The writer is the engineer of the human soul.
-- Joseph Stalin

Destinesia: The act of entering a room and forgetting why.

"Linux is free as in Syphilis"
(slashdot)

"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy."

Fanfiction is just fixing things in post-post-production

Headline: Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
-- Bill Gates

One can overstate anything. Your advertising depends on it.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
-- Lily Tomlin

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."
-- Anne Lindbergh

On-line, adj: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.

Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.
-- O'Neill

The haunting fragrance of her mysterious perfume lingered with me long after the blinding sting of her pepper spray had faded.
-- Nick DeCamp

Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.

"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
-- Ernest Hemingway

Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright

"I didn't want to come across as an industrial, snarling, Satan-singing entity"
-- Trent Reznor

"Warning: may cause drowsiness"
(warning label on Nytol sleep aid)

"Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed."
-- Dalin B. Oaks

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.
-- R. D. Laing

Television: the bland leading the bland.

The irony is that Bill Gates claims to be making a stable operating system and Linus Torvalds claims to be trying to take over the world.

Mornings are for sleeping during.
-- Amanda Walker

"When solving a kernel panic you must first ask yourself what you were doing that could possibly frighten an operating system."
-- Peter van der Linden

'Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.'
-- Natalie Goldberg

Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.

"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.

Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.

He who laughs last found the dirty meaning.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

I do not think that any civilization can be called complete until it has progressed from sophistication to unsophistication, and made a conscious return to simplicity of thinking and living.
-- Lin Yutang

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
-- Lily Tomlin

I like having a machine called 'elvis' on the network because that way, I can say 'ping elvis' and have it come back with 'elvis is alive'.
-- Carl Shipley

Is there anything safer than TV-style seriousness--i.e., delivering the conventional wisdom as if it were the deeply important truth?
-- Pauline Kael

I get my kicks above the .sigline, Sunshine

Microsoft: Re-inventing the square wheel.

I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.
-- William J. Clinton

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
-- Dorothy Parker

Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility.

Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Bullshit, in contrast to mere nonsense, is something that implies, but does not contain, adequate meaning or truth.

"To describe the beating of Egg Whites is almost as cheeky as advising how to lead a happy life."
-- The Joy of Cooking

Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.
-- Plato

Don't lick something unless you really mean it.
-- Naked Dancing LLama (www.frolic.org)

On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

Aftermath, n: The period following algebra.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones

Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.

Don't intterupt me when I'm talking to myself

I'm not doing this just to be weird.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I object to intellect without discipline; I object to power without constructive purpose.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "The Squire of Gothos")

"Success consists of doing the common things of life uncommonly well."

"I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside."

I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."
-- Hemingway

We shame outselves for the sake of simplicity.

They came. They saw. They did a little shopping.
(Graffiti on the Berlin Wall shortly after it opened)

"We all know god invented liquor to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
(The Ghost and The Darkness)

Serving drinks on aircraft causes turbulence.

Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor): That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?"
-- Linda Ellerbee

Machine learning, n: Automation of your biases

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
-- Lily Tomlin

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
-- Westley (The Princess Bride)

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
-- Lily Tomlin

"Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal."
-- Martin Luther King Jr.

Beware by whom you are called sane.
-- Walter Inglis Anderson

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
-- Henry Kissinger

You aren't appealing to my sense of voyeurism.
-- Stevie Ulrich

"Me, getting smart with you? How would you know?"

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The secret of happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get.

"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."
-- Scott Adams

Ellen Ripley: Whenever he says anything, you say, "right," Brett. You know that?
Brett: Right.

(Alien)

"What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that they don't want to discourage it completely."
-- Franklin P. Jones

We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.
-- Alan Turing

A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.

"People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases."
-- Mark Twain

It's only fun if you can get in trouble for doing it.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening

"Well, let's just say, 'if your VCR is still blinking 12:00,you don't want Linux'".
-- Bruce Perens

"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."
-- R.S. Ingersoll

I have an IQ of 150, if that's worth anything.
-- Zak May
We use base 10 numerical representations in this country, not base 6.

-- Melinda Shore

Thinking always of trying to do more brings a state of mind in which nothing seems impossible.
-- Henry Ford

There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.

A wolf in sheeps clothing needs professional help.

"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."

Emacs is a good operating system, but I prefer Unix.

I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo

I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had.
-- Margaret Mead

Catapult: device for throwing cats long distances.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
-- Mary Little

The fun with white chocolate macadamia nut cookies is telling which white fatty substance is which. I can't.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

If you're not confused you're not paying attention.

Alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.

"Conviction is a luxury for those on the sidelines."

You can't make a program without breaking some egos.

Experience allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-- Franklin P. Jones

When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.

"No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved."
-- Mignon McLaughlin

Secret, n: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

The intensity comes from meaning, not from extremes.

'We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.'
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while, you realise the pig is enjoying it.
-- Jamie Lawrence

My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.
-- Stephen Hawking

I am two fools, I know, For loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.
-- John Donne

"'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."

Watching these guys trying to be wireheads is like watching old people fuck
-- Mike Belt

"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.

First Law of Dieting:
Sex has negative calories.

BOMB SQUAD.
If I'm running, try to keep up.

(T-Shirt)

"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."

Headline: Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

It's better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.

A winning formula can be obliterated simply by the change to an ingorant new manager.

"Love is not the dying note of a twisted violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring."
-- S.J. Perelman

The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.

Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Politics: Poly (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
-- Sara-Jane Linton

"Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't."

Join the army: meet interesting people, then kill them.

A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.

Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
-- Jean Kerr

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
-- Mary Pickford

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
-- Fran Lebowitz ("Social Studies")

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwile."
-- Franklin P. Jones

Your powers are useless, I'm wearing tin foil underwear!

Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling), n: Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"There ain't no rules around here, we're trying to accomplish something."
-- Thomas Alva Edison

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
-- Ben Franklin

See my big frustration here is that my main squeeze has turned out to be a Late Blooming Nerd, and is in the habit of (in the midst of cuddling) saying sweet things like "you think if I disable the caching it would work?"
-- Ro Reid

Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.

'La vache qui rit est jolie.' (Laughing cows are pretty.)

Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

Technical people are better off not looking at patents. If somebody sues you, you change the algorithm or you just hire a hit-man to whack the stupid git.
-- Linus Torvalds

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-- Ingrid Bergman

The best things in life aren't things.
-- Art Buchwald

"The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience."

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. A theologian is the one who finds it.

Headline: Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Fool-proof implies a finite number of predictable fools.

"Life forms... You tiny little life forms... You precious little life forms... Where are you?"
-- Data, singing and playing the control pannel like a musical instrument (Star Trek: Generations)

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
-- Joseph Conrad

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it."

"We're not exploiting women. We're exploiting middle-aged men with credit cards."
(on porn)

Our families have values, but our government doesn't.
-- Bill Clinton (Democratic National Convention, 1992)

Much learning does not teach understanding.
-- Heraclitus

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
-- T. S. Eliot

In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".

There's old proverbs to suit about anything you want to do.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

"When I meet God, I'm gonna ask him one question: Why did you make me so unattractive, yet so horny?"
-- Lindsay Acord

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.

Given a choice between dancing pigs and security, users will pick dancing pigs every time.

"The biggest disease today isn't leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted."
-- Mother Theresa

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
-- Paul Biron

"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
-- Dave Barry

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
-- Jules Renord

"A giant woman carrying a screaming ape up a tall building," sighed Dibbler.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-- Douglas Adams

A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.
-- Arnold Glasgow

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
-- John Heywood

"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."
-- Derek Jarman

Headline: Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear..." she replied.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."
-- Tori Amos

"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right."

Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Uhh, yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?

Acceptance Testing, n: An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.

"If you risk nothing, then you risk everything."
-- Geena Davis

Bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."
-- G. K. Chesterton

Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.

Things written above an urinal: 'The future is in your hands!'

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
-- Robert Cringely ("InfoWorld")

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.
-- Robert Pirsig

He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.

Baby-sitter, n: A teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

"That's the good thing about dying; when you've nothing to lose, you can run any risk you want."
(Montag, Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury)

No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical.
-- Niels Bohr

The law should make men free. The problem is making the law free.

There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user off, deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their REAL earnings to the IRS.
-- Bastard Operator From Hell

Words skittered out of his mouth like cartoon dogs on fresh-waxed linoleum, frantically going nowhere.
-- Amy Tan

Politics: strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.
-- Irving Fisher (Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.)

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
-- Carl Sagan

I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is us.
-- Konrad Lorenz

Faith is not being sure. It is not being sure, but betting with your last cent... Faith is not a series of gilt-edged propositions that you sit down to figure out, and if you follow all the logic and accept all the conclusions, then you have it. It is crumpling and throwing away everything, proposition by proposition, until nothing is left, and then writing a new proposition, your very own, to throw in the teeth of despair... Faith is not making religious-sounding noises in the daytime. It is asking your inmost self questions at night and then getting up and going to work... Faith is thinking thoughts and singing songs and making poems in the lap of death.
-- Mary Jean Irion (Yes, World: A Mosaic of Meditation)

"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity."

Seeing is forgetting the name of that which one sees.
-- Paul Valery

Majority, n: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
-- Carl Jung

"If I have any more caffeine, I'm going to end up running down the hallway naked."
(Someone on Slashdot)

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
-- George Burns

If I'm not always happy, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It means I am doing something real.
-- Laurie Seligman

We think in language, therefore the quality of our thoughts can only ever be as good as the quality of our language.
-- George Carlin

You wouldn't know a good time if it stripped naked, hopped on your face, and started wiggling!
-- C. Stanley

Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time.

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
-- Harry S. Truman

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.
-- Richard Lederer (Crazy English)

Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
-- Oscar Wilde

Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.
-- Holly (Red Dwarf II, Queeg)

"There's nothing like desire to prevent the things one says from having any resemblance to the things in one's mind."
-- Marcel Proust

"How many fingers am I holding up?" -- Kirk, making the Vulcan salute
"That's not very damn funny."

-- McCoy (Star Trek III)

After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Amok Time")

"In all our searching, the only thing we found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other"
(Contact)

Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.

"...why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want."
-- Ayn Rand

A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.

"Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?"

Science is the belief that we don't need belief to know most things.

"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"
-- Bumper sticker

How can I tell you what I think until I've heard what I'm going to say?

Whoever said women don't like porn just isn't talking to the right women. Or showing them the right porn.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation--as you get older it starts avoiding you.
(The Old Farmer's Almanac)

Being called a poetess brings out the terroristress in me.
-- Audre Lorde

"The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still 'tis nonsense."
-- Benjamin Franklin

If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
-- Kin Hubbard

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

"Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others."
-- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals."
-- Henry Spencer

Johner: I heard you, like, ran into these things before.
Ripley: That's right.
Johner: Wow, man. So, like, what did you do?
Ripley: I died.

(Alien: Resurrection)

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-- Mae West

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly."

In a church bulletin: This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

"Every man is afraid of something.That`s how you know he`s in love with you;when he is afraid of losing you"

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

You go right on thinking that. Don't let reality stop you.
-- dpm

What's the matter, darling? Don't you recognize me with my clothes on?
-- Tallulah Bankhead

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
(Batman Costume warning label)

Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.
-- Charles Baudelaire

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.

Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea--massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
-- Gene Spatford

"In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law ... That would lead to anarchy. An individual who breaks a law that his conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law."
-- Martin Luther King

"I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time, 'cause when you're standing oh so near, I kinda lose my mind."
-- The Cars

"Aaaarghhhh."
This was the noise made as he missed the lurching Thing by several meters and was realising that, if you have tied a rope to the top of a very high and extremely solid stone tower and are now swinging towards it, failing to hit something on the way is an error which you will regret for the rest of your truncated life.

-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

"The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bereau]."

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- Terry Pratchett

Fiction is a way of exploring possibilities present but undreamt of in the living of a single life.
-- Nadine Gordimer ("Selecting my Stories")

Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.

...do it again.

-- Morticia Addams

Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
-- Dr. Who

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."

Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it is fun trying.

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
-- Margaret Lee Runbeck

"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."
-- Stephen King

Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice

(Holding up a picture of a circle) You know, for kids!
(The Hudsucker Proxy)

Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed a cat.
(Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London)

"I find imperfection the most interesting thing about a person"
-- Jodi Foster

"Popcorn is good with Parmesan cheese. It makes much more of a meal. You get your grains, you get your dairy, it's hot food. It works, I'm telling you."

Insecurity is comparing our behind the scenes to others highlight reel.

It was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger.
-- Tom Holt

(After watching the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Isaac Asimov : "HAL's breaking First Law! He's breaking First Law!"
Carl Sagan : "So, strike them with lightning, Isaac."

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
-- Albert Einstein

"I sound like a fruitcake sitting here saying all this shit."
-- Trent Reznor

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.
-- George Santayana

I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity

Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.
-- Isaac Bashevis Singer

We're not into science fiction because it's good literature, we're into it because it's weird. Follow your weird, ladies and gentlemen. Forget trying to pass for normal. Follow your geekdom. Embrace your nerditude. In the immortal words of Lafcadio Hearn, a geek of incredible obscurity whose work is still in print after a hundred years, "woo the muse of the odd."
-- Bruce Sterling

If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

Linda Emery: A philosophy major? Now, what can you do with a philosophy major?
Bruce Lee: You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

(Dragon)

Too many errors on one line (make fewer).
(Apple MPW C compiler error message)

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot in the universe- So what the hell, leap.