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Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.-- Kipling
You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.-- J.D. Salinger
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.-- Ben Aveling
"Every man has his follies, and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."-- Josh Billings
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
-- Josh Billings
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is connected to anything else.
Nowadays, originality is the art of concealing your source.
Politics is storytelling. We just pick the one we like best.
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.-- Robert Frost
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.-- Molly Ivins
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.-- Rod Serling
I have no problem dealing with reality, but as a lifestyle I find it too confining.-- Lily Tomlin
Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Indifference is the key when dealing with a narcissistic megalomaniac.
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.-- O'Neill
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.-- Steven Wright
Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up.
Headline: Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor): That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
"I didn't want to come across as an industrial, snarling, Satan-singing entity"-- Trent Reznor
"Making the simple complicated is easy. Making the complicated simple is brilliant."
'Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.'-- Natalie Goldberg
Everything ends this way in France, everything. Weddings, christenings, duels, burials, swindlings, diplomatic affairs -- everything is a pretext for a good dinner.-- Jean Anouilh
Headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.-- Mark Twain
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.-- Lily Tomlin
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.-- Lily Tomlin
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
The haunting fragrance of her mysterious perfume lingered with me long after the blinding sting of her pepper spray had faded.-- Nick DeCamp
On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
It is better to waste one's youth, than to do nothing at all with it.-- Courteline
"People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases."-- Mark Twain
The fun with white chocolate macadamia nut cookies is telling which white fatty substance is which. I can't.
I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had.-- Margaret Mead
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling), n: Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case