33 hits
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a truckload of hand grenades... now that's a sign.-- Jacqui
Rehab is for quitters.
"Self-love is often unrequited."
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.-- Don Marquis
Common sense: The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.-- Albert Einstein
Absent, adj: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."-- Jack Wagner
The defect of equality is that we only desire it with our superiors.-- Henry Becque
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.-- Laurance J. Peter
Enjoy yourself. If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.-- Jack Schaefer
Girls are such exquisite hell.-- Ovid
Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.-- Lisa (The Simpsons)
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let 'em go because, man, they're gone.-- Jack Handey
You should have quit while you were only slighly behind.
'It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.'-- Jackie Mason
'La vache qui rit est jolie.' (Laughing cows are pretty.)
Always behave like a duck: keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath.-- Jacob Braude
"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.
I know I'm an acquired taste - I'm anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things. If I was potato chips, I could go a lot more places, but I'm not.-- Tori Amos
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.-- Jack Handey
A committee is an alley down which good ideas are lead and quietly strangled
Science is not a body of knowledge nor a system of belief; it is just a term which describes humankind’s incremental acquisition of understanding through observation. Science is awesome.-- Tim Minchin
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.-- Ewald Nyquist
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.
"Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite."
Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!