randomsearchproposestats
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VB is very useful for allowing non programmers to prove they cant program.
-- Druck

Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts"

Ignorance simplifies any problem.
-- R. Lucke

"I'll take Fucking Clues for $200."

"We need a president who's fluent in at least one language."
-- Buck Henry

"They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck."

Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?
-- Bruce Wayne (Batman & Robin)

Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?
-- Douglas Gauck

"Well, let's just say, 'if your VCR is still blinking 12:00,you don't want Linux'".
-- Bruce Perens

"If angst were a popsicle, I'd be suckin' the stick."

Politics: Poly (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.

America was founded by drug smugglers -- rum was the drug, but smugglers nonetheless.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.

Well, there's a quantum computer that can factor [the number] 15, so those of you using 4-bit RSA should worry.
-- Bruce Schneier

"He that will not reason is a bigot, He that cannot reason is a fool, He that dares not reason is a slave."
-- William Drummond

(Holding up a picture of a circle) You know, for kids!
(The Hudsucker Proxy)

Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. (As it is statistically much more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a truckload of hand grenades... now that's a sign.
-- Jacqui

What do you mean, "If a woodchuck could chuck wood"? What's the point in calling it a "woodchuck" if it can't ?
-- David Gunter

On an American Airlines package of nuts: Instructions: Open package, eat nuts.

"I want a car. Chicks dig the car."
"This is why Superman works alone."

-- Richard Grayson and Bruce Wayne (Batman & Robin)