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Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.-- Arnold Glasgow
Whenever you fall, pick someone up.
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
The definition of easy work is work that someone else has to do.
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
A tall man with long grey hair falling untidily over the collar of his dark blue suit leaned against the parapet eating an ice cream. Although impeccably dressed, he was palpably all wrong, and the two policemen looked at each other with pleasant anticipation.
"Drugs?" suggested the first policeman.
"More like dirty books," said the other. "If he's armed, it's my turn."
"It's always your turn," grumbled his companion. The first policeman shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, all right then," he said. "But I get to drive back to the station."-- Tom Holt ("Expecting Someone Taller")
When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. (BoJack Horseman)
"Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
You can't make a program without breaking some egos.
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"
"A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead."
Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living from it.
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
A troll is someone who, finding that no-one likes them, decides to pretend that it's on purpose.
"If I have any more caffeine, I'm going to end up running down the hallway naked." (Someone on Slashdot)
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.-- Albert Camus
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.-- Mae West
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
"How many of you ever started dating somene because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"-- Judy Tenuta
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."-- Theodore Rubin
"A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are."-- Victor Lownes
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.-- T. S. Eliot
What's wrong with being drunk in bed? Being drunk on the floor of the garage, I can understand someone objecting to. But drunk in bed?-- Brad DeLong
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.-- Doug Larson
"Always be a 1st-rate version of yourself instead of a 2nd rate version of someone else."-- Judy Garland
Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
If I'm not always happy, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It means I am doing something real.-- Laurie Seligman
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
QoS means I don't have enough bandwidth, but if you pay me extra money I'll drop someone else's packets instead of yours.-- Dave Rand
Death (your own): This will be accepted as an excuse, but we shall require two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. (Corporate sick leave policy)
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."-- Oscar Wilde
Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"In our minds, love and lust are really separated. It's hard to find someone that can be kind and you can trust enough to leave your kids with, and isn't afraid to throw her man up against the wall and lick him from head to toe."-- Tori Amos
"We are the flaming, exploding, CGI-movie saturated MTV generation after all. If it isn't bright pink and green, naked, on fire and computer animated, I just yawn and walk away." (Someone on Slashdot)
When I hear someone say they give '110%' to whatever they're doing, it makes me feel good inside, because I know I'm not as big a moron as that person is.-- Jim Rosenberg
Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.
�...Because the establishment never gets it. That�s how it is with paradigm shift. The establishment does not see where the next wave is coming from. And even if they hire someone to tell them where the next wave is coming from, they never believe them.�-- Ted Nelson
The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."
Natural vs. unnatural is a pretty worthless distinction.
-- Greg Parkinson
Only to someone such as yourself, with a deliberate disability to perceive the difference.
-- Bob Sarver
But easy for someone like you, who can manufacture the difference on the spot.-- Mike Batchelor
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.-- George Bernard Shaw
“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”-- Rick Warren
Yes, yes, sensitive, acoustic, multicultural rhythms, sensitive, yoga, tantric sex, sensitive.
Shut up and sing some old Police stuff again.-- Nat Lanza (on Sting)
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.-- Richard Lederer (Crazy English)
When someone mentions "the City" in my presence, I usually interpret it to mean exciting Charlton, Ontario (pop. 200, including cows). Anyone who uses expressions so vague deserves to be misinterpreted on a biblical scale.-- Brian Jarvis
A friend should be someone you don't have to prove things to, and with whom you can be yourself, whatever that is. A friend is also someone who should be able to tell you you are being silly or brain-damaged or making poor decisions about something without you being upset and offended, like when the love of your life is taking you to the cleaners, and you are completely blind to it.-- Joseph Francis
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.