69 hits
Whenever you fall, pick someone up.
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.-- Arnold Glasgow
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
The definition of easy work is work that someone else has to do.
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
"A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead."
You can't make a program without breaking some egos.
Accountant - someone who can put two and two together and make a living from it.
When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. (BoJack Horseman)
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
"Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
A tall man with long grey hair falling untidily over the collar of his dark blue suit leaned against the parapet eating an ice cream. Although impeccably dressed, he was palpably all wrong, and the two policemen looked at each other with pleasant anticipation.
"Drugs?" suggested the first policeman.
"More like dirty books," said the other. "If he's armed, it's my turn."
"It's always your turn," grumbled his companion. The first policeman shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh, all right then," he said. "But I get to drive back to the station."-- Tom Holt ("Expecting Someone Taller")
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
A troll is someone who, finding that no-one likes them, decides to pretend that it's on purpose.
"If I have any more caffeine, I'm going to end up running down the hallway naked." (Someone on Slashdot)
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.-- Albert Camus
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.-- Mae West
"A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are."-- Victor Lownes
What's wrong with being drunk in bed? Being drunk on the floor of the garage, I can understand someone objecting to. But drunk in bed?-- Brad DeLong
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.-- T. S. Eliot
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
"How many of you ever started dating somene because you were too lazy to commit suicide?"-- Judy Tenuta
Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.-- Doug Larson
"Always be a 1st-rate version of yourself instead of a 2nd rate version of someone else."-- Judy Garland
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."-- Theodore Rubin
If I'm not always happy, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It means I am doing something real.-- Laurie Seligman
QoS means I don't have enough bandwidth, but if you pay me extra money I'll drop someone else's packets instead of yours.-- Dave Rand
For longer than I can remember,
I've been looking for someone like you.
Someone with a head like yours,
and a torso too.
Birds sing and you're gonna pay.
The end.-- Tak (Invader Zim)
There are three ways to get something done:
(1) Do it yourself.
(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."-- Oscar Wilde
Death (your own): This will be accepted as an excuse, but we shall require two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. (Corporate sick leave policy)
Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"We are the flaming, exploding, CGI-movie saturated MTV generation after all. If it isn't bright pink and green, naked, on fire and computer animated, I just yawn and walk away." (Someone on Slashdot)
"In our minds, love and lust are really separated. It's hard to find someone that can be kind and you can trust enough to leave your kids with, and isn't afraid to throw her man up against the wall and lick him from head to toe."-- Tori Amos
When I hear someone say they give '110%' to whatever they're doing, it makes me feel good inside, because I know I'm not as big a moron as that person is.-- Jim Rosenberg
Natural vs. unnatural is a pretty worthless distinction.
-- Greg Parkinson
Only to someone such as yourself, with a deliberate disability to perceive the difference.
-- Bob Sarver
But easy for someone like you, who can manufacture the difference on the spot.-- Mike Batchelor
"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."
Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.
�...Because the establishment never gets it. That�s how it is with paradigm shift. The establishment does not see where the next wave is coming from. And even if they hire someone to tell them where the next wave is coming from, they never believe them.�-- Ted Nelson
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.-- George Bernard Shaw
When someone mentions "the City" in my presence, I usually interpret it to mean exciting Charlton, Ontario (pop. 200, including cows). Anyone who uses expressions so vague deserves to be misinterpreted on a biblical scale.-- Brian Jarvis
“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”-- Rick Warren
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.-- Richard Lederer (Crazy English)
A friend should be someone you don't have to prove things to, and with whom you can be yourself, whatever that is. A friend is also someone who should be able to tell you you are being silly or brain-damaged or making poor decisions about something without you being upset and offended, like when the love of your life is taking you to the cleaners, and you are completely blind to it.-- Joseph Francis
Yes, yes, sensitive, acoustic, multicultural rhythms, sensitive, yoga, tantric sex, sensitive.
Shut up and sing some old Police stuff again.-- Nat Lanza (on Sting)
But more frustrating are the ones who say "I could never / I would never." Let's be honest--you don't know. You don't know if you'll ever win a lottery, you don't know if you'll ever be in the position where you'll have to kill someone, you don't know if you'll ever fall in love with someone, anyone, regardless of gender.-- Elf Sternberg
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
"Me, getting smart with you? How would you know?"
Emacs is a good operating system, but I prefer Unix.
"Well, it's weird when you play a show somewhere and there's a disproportionate number of people backstage talking about how they're witches. And that there's a cool place to go - 'Hey, you guys want to go out tonight after the show?' 'Yeah, where?' ' Well, there's a great place. There's this old abandoned church that these satanic cults hang out at.' It's not, 'Let's go down to the bar.' It's like, 'Let's go out and slaughter a cow.' What the fuck? It's the last thing you're expecting. And they assume that you must be into that. I've got someone coming up to me saying, 'The promoter is telling everyone you're a warlock.' I think a lot of spare time breeds incredible weirdness. They're looking for some way to rebel. I don't know."-- Trent Reznor
Baby-sitter, n: A teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
"Doesn't anyone remember one of the biggest problems the Super Conducting Super Collider project ran into during construction in Texas? It wasn't politics... It was the Mecca of fire ants in all the extremely high-voltage conduits, junctions, transformers, and other high-strength field areas. The ants would eat the insulating compounds off and sit there basking in the emf high they apparently got. Occasionally, an ant would offer itself as sacrifice, prompting some Damn Big Breakers to blow..." -- RISKS
"I cut my hair now, and nobody recognizes me. It's that whole thing I was bitching about earlier - 'I can't go anywhere without someone pointing' - And now it's like, 'Hey, it's me man!' I'm standing in the N section with my laminate on and covered in mud. (laughs) I just can't get a response anymore."-- Trent Reznor