Quotes

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"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good."

-- Vaclav Havel

Camels have 3 eyelids.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

"Theory: when you have ideas. Ideology: when ideas have you."

The voters have spoken, the bastards...

It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.

Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It's the only way to make progress.
-- Havelock Vetinari

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Do not mock a pain that you haven�t endured

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.

I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

Those who say they 'sleep like a baby' haven't got one.

You should have quit while you were only slighly behind.

"Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like."

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

I used to have an internal modem, but it made me walk funny.

Can we have a new wall?
(graffiti at foot of graffiti-strewn wall)

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

That's, uh, quite a dress you almost have on.
(An American in Paris)

When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brain.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.
-- Ben Aveling

"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers."

"If you speak the truth, have a foot in the stirrup."
(Turkish proverb)

"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."

Ad: Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.

At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you. Have a nice day.

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."
-- Ziggy

It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived.
(Dexter)

Some people have a way about them that seems to say: 'If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk.'

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If God had meant for us to go around naked we would have been born that way.

"We desire nothing so much as what we ought not to have"
-- Buddha

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
-- Mae West

Real love stories never have endings.
-- Richard Bach

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."
-- Tori Amos

"Are you queer? Maybe just for tonight? 20 minutes? You don't have to be conscious."

Stenderup's law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.

Murphy's Pharmaceutcal Law:
Only Adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Like I've always said, If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
(Steel Magnolias)

"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives."
(MST3K)

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
-- T. S. Eliot

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
-- Douglas Adams

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
-- Voltaire

I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
-- Rob Pike (on X)

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
-- Cyril Connolly

"Whose toes do I have to nibble to get a drink around here?"
-- Rudolph (Death to Smoochy)

"Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said 'no, but I have the new Devo album'. Cops have no sense of humor."

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright

"If I have any more caffeine, I'm going to end up running down the hallway naked."
(Someone on Slashdot)

I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.

Poetry is the mixture of common sense, which not all have, with an uncommon sense, which very few have.
-- John Masefield

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.

"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."

"I have so many different personalities in me, and I still feel lonely."
-- Tori Amos

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir.'
-- Joan Rivers

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
-- Ogden Nash

"I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah."
-- Sandra Hereld

"Has anyone ever told you you have a SERIOUS impulse control problem?"
-- Riddler (Batman Forever)

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
-- Confucius

It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.
-- Robert Bly

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
-- Groucho Marx

You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.
-- J.D. Salinger

"You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead."
-- Lois Platford

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-- Steven Wright

Sometimes you have more perspective than the situation, sometimes the situation has more perspective than you.

Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training.
-- Anna Freud

Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.
-- Alan Keightley

The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-- A. H. Weiler

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
-- Sidney J. Harris

Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau

Dot: Do you think Scratchy'd like some cologne?
Fifi: We have "Obsession", "Repression", and "Ecstacy".
Dot: Do you have anything for beginners?
(Animaniacs; Survey Ladies)

If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco

"If we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time."
-- Edith Wharton

"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?"
-- Bumper sticker

"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful."
-- Annette Funicello

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
-- Abba Eban

Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.
-- Ronald Reagan

"If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one."
-- John Galsworthy

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go home and have a heart attack"
-- Vincent Vega (Pulp Fiction)

Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.

"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."
-- Tori Amos

The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
-- Chinese Proverb

"We have art in order not to die of the truth."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
-- Hedy Lamarr

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe

Religion is for people afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

"You have not truly experinced Shakespeare until you have read it in the original Klingon."
-- The Klingon chancellor (Star Trek VI)

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
-- Lily Tomlin

I have no problem dealing with reality, but as a lifestyle I find it too confining.
-- Lily Tomlin

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Anybody who goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

"You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone."
-- John Ciardi

Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch

"Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't yet figured out how to ask."
-- Fox Mulder (The X Files)

If I have seen further than other men, it is by stepping on their glasses.
-- Michael Swaine

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
-- Fred Allen

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
-- G. K. Chesterton

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-- Elizabeth Taylor

"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?"
-- Ayn Rand

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.
-- Fred Rogers

You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner

Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.

"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have."
-- Don Herold

"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."
-- Quentin Crisp

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber.

Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.

"This space intentionally has nothing but text explaining why this space has nothing but text explaining that this space would otherwise have been left blank, and would otherwise have been left blank."

"I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem."
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

BASIC, n.:
A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
-- Albert Einstein

"Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it."
-- Seymour Cray (on virtual memory)

"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."
-- Michael Sinz

"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."
-- Donald E. Knuth

"I learned a long time ago that you really have to demand what you want out of life."
-- Amanda Firefox

"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we'."
-- Mark Twain

"Well, to be fair I did have a couple of gadgets he probably didn't, like a teaspoon and an open mind."
-- The Doctor

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Homer Simpson

There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.
-- George Santayana

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked.
-- John Gall ("Systemantics")

I love you, you love me,
With a little fricassee
And some mustard and ketchup smeared all over you,
Can't I have you for lunch too?

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
-- Jonathan Swift

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
-- Ben Franklin

I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance".
-- Terry Pratchett

"She hates me."
"She hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back."
-- Corey and Gina (Empire Records)

I need to get a life. I have a neat counselor though, which is, I guess a convenient substitute.
-- Stevie Ulrich

In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.
-- Ani Difranco

The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.

"Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them all."
-- Henry David Thoreau

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.
(Ladies' Home Journal)