randomsearchproposestats
80 hits
It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived.
(Dexter)
Ad: Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
Rehab is for quitters.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
-- Confucius
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell someone to "bite me!"
"Life is a zoo in a jungle."
-- Peter De Vries
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
"I find imperfection the most interesting thing about a person"
-- Jodi Foster
Headline: 'Two sisters reunited after eighteen years at checkout counter'
Caffeine is not a substitute for sheep.
-- Peter da Silva
Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton
Cornflakes are not the innocent critters they seem!
-- Sterling Morrison
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
Adult, n: One old enough to know better.
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
Aquadextrous, adj: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Baby orang-otans look like surprised coconuts.
-- Terry Pratchett
"It isn't premarital sex if you don't get married."
-- Michael Juster
Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
-- Terry Pratchett
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
-- G. K. Chesterton
Aftermath, n: The period following algebra.
Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much.
-- Walter Lippmann
'If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.'
-- Terry Pratchett (concerning popcorn, Moving Pictures)
(A)bort (R)etry (T)oss computer across room?
God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, it might be amor�, but I'd be more worried about the interplanetary gravitational effects from this cataclysmic event.
-- Paul Paternoster
Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
-- Potter Stewart
"And then the world went mad. All right, madder."
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)
Don't intterupt me when I'm talking to myself
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
-- Deteriorata (from the National Lampoon Radio Dinner album)
Sexuality does not "turn on" at puberty and "turn off" at menopause. It is not a thing external, no matter how hard our culture teaches us to push it away. It is every bit as integral and fundamental the day you're born as it is the day you die.
-- David Casti
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
-- Terry Pratchett
Don't you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.
-- Terry Pratchett
To some extent any use of language (and conceptual categories) distorts reality by coercing instances into types.
-- Rob Bernardo
I was thinking of 'duh?' in the sense of 'a sentence containing several words more than three letters long, and possibly requiring general knowledge or a sense of history that extends past last Tuesday, has been used in my presense.'
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
-- Terry Pratchett ("The Colour of Magic")
Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
-- The Register
"The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums."
-- Peter De Vries
I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance".
-- Terry Pratchett
Beware by whom you are called sane.
-- Walter Inglis Anderson
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."
-- G. K. Chesterton
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-- Walter Bagehot
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
-- Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)
Adultery - two wrong people doing the right thing.
Guru, n: A computer owner who can read the manual.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.
-- Lord Chesterfield
This sentence contradicts itself -- no, actually it doesn't.
-- Douglas Hofstadter
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)
Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.
Adventure: The land between entertainment and panic.
The intensity comes from meaning, not from extremes.
"Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned."
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
Headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
The loom works perfectly well without the steam powered wig darner and shortbread cutter stapled to the side.
-- Peter da Silva
"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards."
-- Soren F. Petersen
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"And is it right, butterfly, they like you better framed and dried?"
-- Tori Amos (Butterfly)
The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
-- Laurance J. Peter
"Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't."
Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.
Join the army: meet interesting people, then kill them.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
I'm not a perfectionist. That would be a character flaw.
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries
If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
-- Laurence J. Peter
'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)