62 hits
I think an embryo/fetus/baby becomes a "person" when it is smarter than a non-primate like a dog. By those standards, chimpanzees and gorillas are persons (although somewhat cognitively impaired--kind of like Fundamentalist Christians), but human newborns are not.-- Dave Touretzsky
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.
Say what you like about me, but sometimes I wish that I were really rich and didn't have to work. And also handsome.-- Dave George
"There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'."-- Dave Barry
Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.-- Dave Butler
I think if you really like a girl you have to pay a lot of attention to her. But try telling that to those jerks on the jury.-- Dave George
It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived. (Dexter)
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-- Dave Edison
"I don't know what caffeine does for you, but I'm pretty sure without it your head caves in"-- Dave (News Radio)
"Are you queer? Maybe just for tonight? 20 minutes? You don't have to be conscious."
Stenderup's law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
QoS means I don't have enough bandwidth, but if you pay me extra money I'll drop someone else's packets instead of yours.-- Dave Rand
"Jacob Sullum has produced a thoughtful, sane, and logical analysis of our drug laws. Is that even legal?"-- Dave Barry
Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.
"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."-- Tori Amos
"I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah."-- Sandra Hereld
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.-- Confucius
You don't have to think too hard while talking to teachers.-- J.D. Salinger
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.-- Steven Wright
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.-- A. H. Weiler
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.-- Ben Aveling
"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."-- Tori Amos
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."-- Hedy Lamarr
I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
"You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone."-- John Ciardi
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.-- Max Frisch
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.-- Oscar Wilde
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."-- Quentin Crisp
Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."-- Michael Sinz
"I learned a long time ago that you really have to demand what you want out of life."-- Amanda Firefox
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.-- Dave Barry
I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'-- Dave George
"We have to be able to criticize what we love, to say what we have to say, /
'cause if you're not trying to make something better, than as far as I can tell, you're just in the way."-- Ani Difranco
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."-- Dave Barry
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."-- Ben Franklin
In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.-- Ani Difranco
Some days I think it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Like Saturdays, when I don't have to go to work.-- R. M. Weiner
You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.-- Fred Rogers
Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.-- Alan Keightley
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Camels have 3 eyelids.
"A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, & prejudice that have to be taught. And from the condition of the world we can see that unfortunately there are some very good teachers."-- Javan
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."-- Ziggy
People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.-- Andy Warhol
You have to understand art all by yourself. It's not like television, where you look at it and it explains to you what you are looking at.-- Jim Halat
'Be yourself' is about the worst advice you can give to people.-- Tom Masson
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.