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"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."
-- Norman Douglas

"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
-- Norm (Cheers)

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.
-- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

What Wouldn't Jesus Do?
We can assume He wouldn't skulk outside an abortion doctor's kitchen window and shoot him. Jesus wouldn't picket a gay man's funeral and shout "God hates fags." Jesus wouldn't vote a straight Republican ticket. He wouldn't give the commencement address of Bob Jones University. He wouldn't picket the play Corpus Christi. He would not feel the need to defend his heterosexuality. And finally, Jesus would not wear a shirt that read "What would the Trinity do?"

-- Tony Norman

"The degree of normality in a database is inversely proportional to that of its DBA"

One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
-- Morticia Adams

"Whatever sinks your boat, and gets you wet."
-- Andrew Harman

A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?

I'll moider da bum.
-- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento (when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare)

There are lots of things I'd like to be someday, but "normal" is definitely not one of them.
-- Nelson Minar

"In corporate religions as in others, the heretic must be cast out not because of the probability that he is wrong but because of the possibility that he is right."
-- Antony Jay

"As long as the music's loud enough, we won't hear the world falling apart."
-- Derek Jarman

Practical philosophy: The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

"I sound like a fruitcake sitting here saying all this shit."
-- Trent Reznor

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

"My work always tried to unite the true with the beautiful; but when I had to choose one or the other, I usually chose the beautiful."
-- Hermann Weyl

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

"I didn't want to come across as an industrial, snarling, Satan-singing entity"
-- Trent Reznor

Squanderprint (skwan' duhr print), n: Directions that try to make you use up a product faster than you normally would. (Ex.: Apply shampoo. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

Don't you think that with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually COULD lead a horse to water AND make it drink?
-- Andy Overman

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."
-- Robert Anthony

Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate.
-- Mike Hermann

"I know what I don't believe in. I know what I've rejected. But I'm not sure what I do believe in."
-- Trent Reznor

There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor

Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.