167 hits
The obvious mathematical breakthrough [to break modern encryption] would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.-- Bill Gates (The Road Ahead)
Monday is the root of all evil.
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
Christ: A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
Patience is something you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
The revolution will NOT be televised.
Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.-- The Register
"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?"-- Ayn Rand
Frisbeetarianism: the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Adultery - two wrong people doing the right thing.
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.-- J. Jenkins
Sir: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Andrew: One does not know, Sir. Possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other side of the road if it was a male chicken; possibly a food source, or, depending on the season, it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
Sir: To get to the other side.
Andrew: "To get to the other side." Ah. Why is that funny? (Bicentennial Man)
The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.-- Lyndon B Johnson
Whoever said women don't like porn just isn't talking to the right women. Or showing them the right porn.
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.-- Steven Wright
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
Proof by omission: The reader may easily supply the details. The other 253 cases are analogous.
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.-- Alan Turing
I find "Yes, you _can_ do it that way, but the rest of the Internet community will point at you and giggle", followed by my walking out in a flurry of RFCs, tends to be quite effective-- Tanuki the Raccoon-Dog (a.s.r.)
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-- Anais Nin
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
Religion often gets credit for curing rascals when old age is the real medicine.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
"I'm not mad at the world... just at all the people in it."
"They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck."
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
Headline: Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.-- Horngren
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?-- Paul Simon
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.-- Goethe
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"There is nothing wrong with the software that rm won't cure."-- Arnie Romo
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.-- Ewald Nyquist
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."-- Mark Twain
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.-- Adolf Hitler
"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away."-- Goethe
"Must... defy... laws... of... physics!"-- The Tick
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."-- Mark Twain
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."-- Mark Twain
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.
Democracy according to the NRA: Firearms are necessary to protect individual liberties; most of all the right to own firearms.
In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".
Television: the bland leading the bland.
The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.-- Tommy Smothers
When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. (BoJack Horseman)
"If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him."-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.-- Oscar Levant
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.-- Goethe
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.-- Goethe
The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.-- Amy Lowell
The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.-- R. D. Laing
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.-- Robert Frost
If a man carefully examines his thoughts, he will be surprised to find how much he lives in the future. His well-being is always ahead. Such a creature is probably immortal.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
The law should make men free. The problem is making the law free.
Of all the truths in the world, humor is the most satisfying and often the healthiest.
"Mankind will someday realize that we are actually in contact with the dead and with the other world, whatever it is; right now we could predict, if we only exerted enough mental will, what is giong to happen within the next hundred years and be able to take steps to avoid all kinds of catastrophes. When a man dies he undergoes a mutation in his brain that we know nothing about now but which will be very clear someday if scientists get on the ball. The bastards right now are only interested in seeing if they can blow up the world."-- Bull (On the Road)
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we'."-- Mark Twain
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.-- Will Rogers
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."-- Ben Franklin
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."-- Ernest Hemingway
"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwile."-- Franklin P. Jones
Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only the relations of men to women, but the relation of women to themselves.-- John Berger
What's the matter, darling? Don't you recognize me with my clothes on?-- Tallulah Bankhead
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
"The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good."-- Robert Graves
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
"To describe the beating of Egg Whites is almost as cheeky as advising how to lead a happy life."-- The Joy of Cooking
America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
And the pickles frolicked with the waffles, joyously.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
The more we disagree, the bigger the chance that at least one of us is right.
"Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews."-- John Updike
There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork, greatest of Discworld cities.
At least, there's a saying that there's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork.
And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
After 16 years, MTV has finally completed its de-evolution into the shiny things network.-- The Onion
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.-- Tallulah Bankhead
"Everything is convention, including law. When it is not the thought that led to the convention, but just the records of the convention that define morals, structural ethics are too dependant, and likely doomed."
Those who speak by the yard and think by the inch should be kicked by the foot.
The right to search for the truth implies also a duty; one must not conceal any part of what one has recognized to be the truth.-- Albert Einstein
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."-- Michael Sinz
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
In a church bulletin: "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
As I stare into the abyss of the toilet bowl I try hard to rememeber the reason why I felt the desperate need to mix vodka and red wine with whiskey and tequila.-- Shirley Manson
"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept."-- Calvin and Hobbes
Maybe that explains Perl: Larry Wall let a kitten have its way with the bash, sed, and expr doc, then implemented the result.-- Jay Maynard
The problem with reality is the lack of background music.
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
X-Chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs. (Cynic's Dictionary)
"Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real sovereign in every free one."-- James Madison
What is an anarchist? One who, choosing, accepts the responsibility of choice.-- Ursula K. Le Guin
Funny. All the wireless people seem to be the marionettes.
The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.
Only the good die young. Note the average age in Congress.
Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people, and times, it is the rule.-- Friedrich Nietzsche
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.-- George Bernard Shaw
"You ever hear of the Spartans, Lewis? Ancient Greece...traditional enemies of the Athenians? They were a warrior society. I'll try to make it simple for you...they were Klingon." (The Rhipodon Society)
Virtue is more to be feared than vice, because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience.-- Adam Smith
In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.-- Ani Difranco
At a silly valley place I just visited [..] they have a parrot that 'rings'. It'll 'ring' a couple times, presumably because it enjoys the power of being able to make everyone in the room do the Macarena, and then it will answer itself. "Hello!"-- Gary S. Callison (a.s.r.)
"Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation."-- Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."-- Winston Churchill
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
"Do you kids want to be like the real UN, or do you want to squabble and waste time?"-- Principal Skinner
"The Hindenburg crash had 62 survivors and 35 fatalities. Of the 35 deaths, 27 resulting from jumping from the airship. Many of the remaining 8 deaths resulted from burns and injuries due to the ensuing diesel fuel fire."-- Dan Egnor
Beware the fury of a patient woman.
And so, the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.-- Terry Pratchett (Night Watch)
The future ain't what it used to be.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright
Accuracy, n: The vice of being right.
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
Headline: Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Is not that the nature of men and women--that the pleasure is in the learning of each other?
"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender."-- Emil Ludwig
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Domestication is the enemy of romance.
The truth is not decided by democracy.
We accept the love we think we deserve
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.-- Plato
Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."-- Terry Pratchett
There are three sorts of despots. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the body. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the soul. There is the despot who tyrannizes over the soul and body alike. The first is called the Prince. The second is called the Pope. The third is called the People.-- Oscar Wilde
"They say necessity is the mother of invention. And when the necessity is survival, she can be one mean mother. Of course, it's her child, invention, who's the real dangerous one."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)