85 hits
Ass, n: The masculine of "lass".
"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'"-- Scully ("The X Files")
Fungus is actually alive. Be afraid.
Propaganda - A socially correct goose
Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.-- Molly Ivins
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
You do not understand hate. You do not hate *something*, you are full of hate or not full of hate. Generally, if you are not full of hate you are dumb. Generally, if you are full of hate you are also dumb. Generally, you are dumb.
Love thine enemies... it really pisses them off.
Life is a sexually transmitted, fatal disease...
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
In order to become the master the politician poses as the servant.-- Charles De Gaulle
By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.-- Robert Frost
War on common sense - I think we actually won that one...
'The whole world loves a lover' is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.-- Keith Sullivan
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."-- Cyril Connolly
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
Dracula: I am Count Dracula!
Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street? (Animaniacs)
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.-- George Burns
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity
Seminars, n.: From `semi' and `arse', hence, any half-assed discussion.
"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."-- Joseph Conrad
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
The beasts of the field and fowls of the air did know Ridcully the Brown. They'd got so good at pattern-recognition that, for a radius of about twenty miles around the Ridcully estates, they'd run, hide or in desperate cases attack violently at the mere sight of a pointy hat.-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
"And really, what's so important that it can't wait until after noon, anyway?"
"Life at the top is financially rewarding, spiritually draining, physically exhausting, and short."-- Peter C. Newman
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.
"A cult is a religion with no political power."-- Tom Wolfe
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.-- O'Neill
Arithmetic: An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
"Question Authority. They usually know where the bathroom is."-- Daria
It is always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
Even if you're paranoid, maybe the guy with the chainsaw really is after you.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
People must think I'm a mushroom. They constantly keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit.
"Ah," said the president [Reagan] with great lucidity, "It's true we shipped weapons to Iran, but they were defensive weapons."
If the man had a brain, he'd play with it.-- Molly Ivins
There was something - difficult to describe, when you've only got shoddy, post-modernist adjectives to work with - cheerfully revential in his manner, as if he had just seen the Messiah and remembered that the Messiah owed him twenty quid.-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
Murphy's Pharmaceutcal Law:
Only Adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
"Those who realize their folly are not true fools"-- Chuang Tzu
The applied mathematician can find the solution to any difficulty, whilst the pure mathematician can find the difficulty to any solution.
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.-- Steve VanDevender
Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.-- Isaac Bashevis Singer
People look ridiculous when they're in ecstasy.-- David Byrne
Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.-- Holly (Red Dwarf II, Queeg)
America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is. (The Covert Comic)
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.-- R. Clopton
You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.-- Fred Rogers
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.-- Wakko (Animaniacs)
It wasn't lies. It was just bullshit, that's all.-- Elwood Blues
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.-- Dave Butler
Ponder: "It's all done by magic, Archchancellor."
Ridcully: "Ah. Right. None of that complicated business with springs and cogwheels and tubes and stuff, then."
Ponder: "That's right, sir. Just magic. Sufficiently advanced magic."-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.-- Kin Hubbard
Many topics summarily dismissed as "idiocy" here have been brought up on a regular basis for far too long by a seemingly endless succession of half-wits who think their feculant pearls of wisdom are somehow new, and deserving of a carefully crafted response.-- Bob Lodenkamper
Arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you accidentally walk through a spider web.
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."-- Bryan White
"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?" (The Simpsons)
Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to become comfortable?-- Mia (Pulp Fiction)
"To me happiness, true happiness is when you can really dance with sad."-- Tori Amos
"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."
We tend to see our own experiences as the normal process, so we are often amazed that anyone could have taken a different path. But when we do meet up, it's always fascinating to compare notes about the different ways to get there.-- Daniel Gilly
“Love is a drug. It really is. I don’t care who you are, if you’ve got a line on the good stuff, the real stuff that isn’t full of crap, it consumes you. You become it.”-- Amanda Firefox
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
Books: A controlled hallucinogen known to regularly cause people to imagine things that are not really there.
Education's purpose is to replace an open mind with a full one.-- David Nestor
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-- Fred Allen
When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
"If there is one thing that always comes out of a terrible tragedy, it is really dumb legislation." (Esquire magazine)
"Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad and insane. Some of them started out that way."