416 hits
See my big frustration here is that my main squeeze has turned out to be a Late Blooming Nerd, and is in the habit of (in the midst of cuddling) saying sweet things like "you think if I disable the caching it would work?"-- Ro Reid
"The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness."-- Eric Sevareid
No Risk Lifestyle, n:
Death
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I've come to realize there is a very close resemblance to the first.-- Ronald Reagan
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
What is dignity without honesty?-- Cicero
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.-- Ronald Reagan
"There is nothing wrong with the software that rm won't cure."-- Arnie Romo
You go right on thinking that. Don't let reality stop you.-- dpm
There must be more to life than sitting there wondering if there is more to life.
"Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them."
To learn who rules over you, find out who you are not allowed to criticize
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
You humans are all alike.
The goodness of morals depends upon what the morals say, not just the fact that they are morals.-- Rob Bernardo
"Those who realize their folly are not true fools"-- Chuang Tzu
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.-- Voltaire
The reward for a job well done is more work.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.-- Robert Frost
"Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men."-- Jean Rostand
Books: A controlled hallucinogen known to regularly cause people to imagine things that are not really there.
Microsoft: Re-inventing the square wheel.
In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.-- Ani Difranco
A good pun is its own reword.
Oh, soddit, blackmail is too much like work.-- Roger BW
"There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it." (Niven's Law #16)
"If you're one in a million, there are ten of you in New York."
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired-- Robert Frost
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
To some extent any use of language (and conceptual categories) distorts reality by coercing instances into types.-- Rob Bernardo
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.-- Albert Einstein
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
Monday is the root of all evil.
"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it."-- John Gilmore
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Kisses are like tears. The only ones that are real are the ones you can't hold back.
"God created sex. Priests created marriage."-- Voltaire
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
Headline: Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
There are things so deeply personal that they can be revealed only to strangers.-- Richard Rodriguez
Those who do not remember history are doomed to sound silly.-- Carole Ashmore
Recursive, adj: See Recursive.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.-- Will Rogers
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.-- Andre Gide
Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.-- The Register
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.-- Robert A. Heinlein
> Those who will not study history are condemned to repeat it.
And those who do study it, tend to repeat each other.-- Ketil Malde
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.-- Philip K Dick
If you're not confused you're not paying attention.
Headline: Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
Men are all alike in their promises. It is only in their deeds that they differ.-- Moliere
If god meant for us to program, he's a sadist.-- Rob Earhart
Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo!
Don't torture yourself, that's what friends are for.
Boss - Late when you're early, early when you're late.
Beware the fury of a patient woman.
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.
"I sound like a fruitcake sitting here saying all this shit."-- Trent Reznor
All your base pairs are belong to us
The future ain't what it used to be.
There are multitudes in me. But not if I have to behave.
The course of true love never did run smooth.-- Shakespeare
Do unto others before they undo you.
What is the nature of God? His nature is entirely dependent upon the age or culture that has reinvented him.-- Solomon Skink
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.-- Voltaire
I once listed all the good things I did over the past year, and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them. That was a good feeling.-- Robert Fulghum
"The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good."-- Robert Graves
"You just realize you're not on Happy Days. It's the real world; You need to ignore what you are programmed by sitcoms to think your life should be."-- Trent Reznor
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.-- Robert Frost
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will he will be sure to repent it.-- Socrates
"There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other."-- La Rouchefoucauld
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."-- Voltaire
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."-- Mark Twain
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.-- Will Rogers
"When ET left, he told Drew Barrymore to be good. Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he comes back."-- Paul Rocci
"Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game."-- Paul Rodriguez
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.-- Redd Foxx
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease.-- Voltaire
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."-- Robert Anthony
The revolution will NOT be televised.
I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.-- Rob Pike (on X)
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.-- Willa Cather
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.-- Amy Lowell
"I wanted to make a little spot in the context of the record where there was this break in the action. In the midst of this buildup of these ever-growing, terrible machines, I just wanted to remember that there is somewhere... else."-- Trent Reznor
It is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken.-- Audre Lorde
Domestication is the enemy of romance.
"I know what I don't believe in. I know what I've rejected. But I'm not sure what I do believe in."-- Trent Reznor
Don't be humble. You're not that great.
Being called a poetess brings out the terroristress in me.-- Audre Lorde
Education's purpose is to replace an open mind with a full one.-- David Nestor
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.-- Hannah More
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was a reward.
Things will get better, despite our efforts to improve them.-- Will Rogers
Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.-- George Santayana
"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."
Brandolini's law: The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude larger than to produce it.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-- Anais Nin
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
"Fast, fat computers breed slow, lazy programmers."-- Robert Hummel
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?-- Will Rogers
We ignore truths for temporary happiness
It is better to be hated for what one is than loved for what one is not.-- Andre Gide
It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.-- Robert Bly
Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Err. I'm visualising. I'm either really scared, or really turned on.
Or both. Maybe that's a typical reaction to Skud.-- Rebecca B. Gray
At the beginning and at the end of love, the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.-- La Bruyere
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."-- Ziggy
"We are at times too ready to believe that the present is the only possible state of things."-- Marcel Proust
"If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way."-- Jane Wagner
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
Headline: Miners Refuse to Work after Death
"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."-- Voltaire
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."-- C. A. R. Hoare
"Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others."-- Edward Abbey
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
"There ain't no rules around here, we're trying to accomplish something."-- Thomas Alva Edison
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."-- Theodore Roosevelt
It's 3:30 A.M. Do you know where your mail is?
There's no excuse for laziness, except for maybe if you've been in a real bad train accident, and had to have a large part of your brain removed.-- Lev L. Spiro
"There is a pleasure sure in being mad which none but madmen know."-- Dryden
There's an argument to be made that beneath every cynic there is a frustrated romantic. (Fringe)
I'm an apatheist. The question is no longer interesting, and the answer no longer matters.-- petro (a.s.r)
It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.-- Robert Park
I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.-- Voltaire
Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes.
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."-- Robert A. Heinlein
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.-- Roger Noe
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and makes you laugh at life's realities."-- Dr. Theodore Dreissel (Dr. Seuss)
A BBC correspondent, reporting on plans to build a McDonalds amidst ancient Roman ruins: 'To really get into the spirit of Pompeii, the restaurant would have to be buried in volcanic ash. And if you ask me, that's not a bad idea.'
feet and stones may break my bones, but metrics are more comprehensive
"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."-- Steve Lidie
(A)bort (R)etry (T)oss computer across room?
Idle hands are the air guitar's playground (Alas)
Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope.-- Robert Green Ingersoll
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.-- Robert Benchley
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent."
Be the person you needed when you were younger.
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
Glamour is that indefinable something about a girl who has a large bosom.-- Andy Rothman
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.-- Jules Renord
All over the place, from the popular culture to the propaganda system, there is constant pressure to make people feel that they are helpless, that the only role they can have is to ratify decisions and to consume.-- Noam Chomsky
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
"I support comp.lang.awk for a few reasons: [...] It is very satisfying to be able to disagree with Tim Pierce."-- Janet Rosenbaum
If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.-- Oscar Wilde
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.-- Steven Wright
Girls are such exquisite hell.-- Ovid
Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm scizofrenic
and so am I
It swims through a sublogical fantasy world where there are no rules that can't be violated by the set designer, where everybody is really thin and beautiful and wears really cool clothes, and where death is everywhere.-- Stephen Hunter (The Washington Post, review of 'The Cell')
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, chances are you're the one.
As I stare into the abyss of the toilet bowl I try hard to rememeber the reason why I felt the desperate need to mix vodka and red wine with whiskey and tequila.-- Shirley Manson
Love thine enemies... it really pisses them off.
"A sense of humor is the only thing that keeps intelligent people from hanging themselves."-- Voltaire
Experience allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.-- Franklin P. Jones
Half of the people in the world are below average.
Guru, n: A computer owner who can read the manual.
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.-- J. Pierpoint Morgan
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."-- Robert Frost
Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.-- Robert Heinlein
Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.-- G. M. Trevelyan
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
"I didn't want to come across as an industrial, snarling, Satan-singing entity"-- Trent Reznor
I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Especially Bob Dylan.-- Jim Rosenberg
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
Morality is doing what's right regardless of what you're told.
Obedience is doing what you're told regardless of what is right.
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."-- Theodore Rubin
"So you want a realistic, down-to-earth show that's off-the-wall and full of magical robots?" (The Simpsons)
"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."-- R.S. Ingersoll
Because these moments, as precious as they are, they're evil when they're gone.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.-- Helen Keller
When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. (BoJack Horseman)
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Don't publicly appear clever. It is a real nuisance.
"If angst were a popsicle, I'd be suckin' the stick."
"Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real sovereign in every free one."-- James Madison
Eiffel Tower: The Empire State Building after taxes.
"It's Hong Kong action. Anything you know about physics is just going to hold you back."-- Robin D. Laws
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.
Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.-- John LeCarre
You're about as accurate as an archer in a centrifuge.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
"Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them all."-- Henry David Thoreau
"People aren’t against you; they are for themselves."
Headline: Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
"A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."-- Robert Frost
"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals."-- Henry Spencer
By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.-- Robert Frost
"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance."-- Robert R. Coveyou
Piety, n: Reverence for the Supreme Being, based on His supposed resemblance to man.
Robin: I wanna make sure you're serious about turning over a new leaf. I need a sign.
Poison Ivy: How about "Slippery When Wet"? (Batman & Robin)
"If there is one thing that always comes out of a terrible tragedy, it is really dumb legislation." (Esquire magazine)
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.-- Goethe
"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."
Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"There are very few personal problems that cannot be resolved by application of suitable quantities of duct tape."
When I hear someone say they give '110%' to whatever they're doing, it makes me feel good inside, because I know I'm not as big a moron as that person is.-- Jim Rosenberg
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.-- Douglas Adams
"Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie."-- William Shakespeare
You should have quit while you were only slighly behind.
The best way to accelerate hardware is at 9.8 m/sec/sec.
"We create an environment where it is alright to hate, to steal, to cheat, and to lie if we dress it up with symbols of respectability, dignity and love."-- Whitney Moore
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.-- Wakko (Animaniacs)
So just what are time flies, and why do they like an arrow?
Even if you're paranoid, maybe the guy with the chainsaw really is after you.
Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research, as well as insufficient research, will tend to support your theory.
Your powers are useless, I'm wearing tin foil underwear!
'La vache qui rit est jolie.' (Laughing cows are pretty.)
The problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said "Alright; you're ugly too."-- Rodney Dangerfield
"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken."-- Benjamin Disraeli
I think that Vulcan is a geekocracy where the people who know the most about sci-fi get to rule.-- <br />
Keith Irwin
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
Destinesia: The act of entering a room and forgetting why.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
"We're not exploiting women. We're exploiting middle-aged men with credit cards." (on porn)
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
Is not that the nature of men and women--that the pleasure is in the learning of each other?
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users.'-- Edward Tufte
Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts"
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-- just stupid.)-- Robert A. Heinlein
"Pity the educated cynics who refuse to enjoy the fun, choosing instead to remain faithful to their numb anguish. Mourn for the humorless devotees who refuse to join in the juicy unpredictable game so that they might feed their spiritual greed, pretzeled up motionless on prayer mats with the torment of grave meditations. Have compassion for the imagination-dead heroes who cling so tightly to the masks they've forged for themselves that they're dead to the delight of molting."-- Rob Brezsny
The more things change, the more they stay insane.-- Tom Weller
If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein.-- Justice Robert Jackson
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.-- Robert A. Heinlein
"There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone."-- Gloria Steinem
You see, the conditional modifers depend on certain variables like the day of the week, the number of players, chair positions, things like that. [...] There can't be more than a dozen or two that are pertinent.-- Robert Asprin ("Little Myth Marker")
As I get older and older, I find little grounds to believe in the real existence of a personal God who cares about me. But if there is such a God for me to meet when I die, I still think that I will have the same defense - I tried to do what is good, and apologise when I make mistakes. If that is not enough, then I was scorched before I was ten.-- Laura Creighton
Five-step methods are the surest sign of an uninspired plan.
I think having 'Men' and 'Women' signs on bathrooms is a bad idea, because if aliens thought those rooms held standard specimens and went in to record data, they'd get some pretty bizarre examples.-- April Van Scherpe
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-- Dorothy Parker
Then who's been going through my garbage?
-- Andrew Solovay
Usually we call it "reading your postings"; your terminology is so much more succinct, though.-- Roger Klorese
I have an IQ of 150, if that's worth anything.
-- Zak May
We use base 10 numerical representations in this country, not base 6.-- Melinda Shore
You do not understand hate. You do not hate *something*, you are full of hate or not full of hate. Generally, if you are not full of hate you are dumb. Generally, if you are full of hate you are also dumb. Generally, you are dumb.
"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right."
Come, let us retract the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
Lunatic Asylum, n: The place where optimism most flourishes.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.-- Andy Rooney
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Uhh, yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
More to be feared than ignorance is the pretense of knowledge.
Things written above an urinal: 'The future is in your hands!'
Any research done on how to efficiently use computers has been long lost in the mad rush to upgrade systems to do things that aren't needed by people who don't understand what they are really supposed to do with them.-- Graham Reed
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?"-- Virginia Woolf
Proof by omission: The reader may easily supply the details. The other 253 cases are analogous.
Romano: You're one Grade A bitch. You know that, Kerry?
Weaver: No, Robert. I'm your boss. And as long as I am, you're my bitch. Now, get your ass back to work. (ER)
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.
The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.-- Robert Pirsig
"A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."-- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical.-- Niels Bohr
Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment."-- Robert Benchley
Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
You like ice cream. You like ice cream. You love it. You cannot resist ice cream. To resist is hopeless. Your existence is meaningless without ice cream.-- Ice cream van (Invader Zim)
Those who say money can't buy happiness don't know where to shop.
Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.-- Disraeli
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."-- Lao-Tzu
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time.
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
Be warned that being an expert is more than understanding how a system is supposed to work. Expertise is gained by investigating why a system doesn't work.-- Brian Redman
The job of the poet is to render the world -- to see it and report it without loss, without perversion. No poet ever talks about feelings. Only sentimental people do.-- Mark Van Doren
There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.
Saying that the just overturned systems of eastern Europe are proof the socialism isn't good or doesn't work, is sort of like saying that a particular Christian church that failed in producing ethical behavior in its adherents is proof that we need to abandon the Golden Rule and start being nasty to each other.-- Rob Bernardo
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."-- T. S. Eliot
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.-- Rob Stampfli
"Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock."-- New York Times
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
"Confronted with the choice, the American people would choose the policeman's truncheon over the anarchist's bomb.-- Spiro T. Agnew
Is there no accounting for taste? There isn't even a budget for it.-- Sean Levy
In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
The state doesn't do what I tell it to do, which is fair, because I don't do what the state tells me to do.-- Desmodus Rotundus
If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
There are two ways spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.-- Edith Wharton
Boys are cute, but food is cuter.-- Tori Amos
"People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases."-- Mark Twain
"Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think."-- Neils Bohr
That your decision was right doesn't in any way mean your reasons were.
I'm always highly irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it's very shocking to the system.-- Flannery O'Connor
"The Ten Commandments contain 297 words. The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words. A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words." (Atlanta Journal)
We're the technical experts. We were hired so that management could ignore our recommendations and tell us how to do our jobs.-- Mike Andrews (a.s.r.)
"If houses were built the way software is built,
the first woodpecker would bring down civilization."
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."-- Kristian Wilson (Nintendo Inc. 1989)
The more sane often call themselves insane to avoid others' judgement.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.-- Oscar Wilde
If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.-- Laurence J. Peter
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."-- Robert Frost
"Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed."-- Dalin B. Oaks
Grasshoppotamus: A creature that can leap to tremendous heights, once.
Insecurity is comparing our behind the scenes to others highlight reel.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
The phrase *I* like is: "Code as if the next guy to read it is a raving psychopath who knows where you live."
Following that by passing out a sheet asking them to list their names and addresses is optional, but recommended.
-- improving code quality - lessons from the SDM
Virtue is more to be feared than vice, because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience.-- Adam Smith
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."-- Russell Baker
"Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs."
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.-- Aristotle
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
So where are all the lust-crazed engineering groupies that my college recruiter talked about ?-- James Knowles
'You're a hero. Heroes are supposed to know these things.'
'Get stuffed,' replied the hero.
'You're formulating a plan of campaign, aren't you?'
'Get real. I'm trying to get this pxy chunk of gravel out of my - ah, that's got it. Right, where were we?'-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.-- William James
Sometimes you have more perspective than the situation, sometimes the situation has more perspective than you.
"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."
"It is up to you to give [life] a meaning."-- Jean-Paul Sartre
The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.-- Lyndon B Johnson
"It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis."-- Dennis Miller
At a doctors office in Rome:
"Specialist in women and other diseases"
The more we disagree, the bigger the chance that at least one of us is right.
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.-- Aesop
Imagine a stegosaurus wearing rocket powered roller skates, and you'll get a fair idea of its elegance, stability and ease of crash recovery.-- Lionel Lauer
"Don't keep a man guessing too long--he's sure to find the answer somewhere else."-- Mae West
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.-- Perry Farrell
Headline: 'Two sisters reunited after eighteen years at checkout counter'
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
A committee is an alley down which good ideas are lead and quietly strangled
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.-- Steven Wright
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.-- Dave Edison
On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
If the mind were exercised as much as the mouth, we would be a race of geniuses.
A day without a pun is a day without sunshine; there is gloom for improvement.
You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.-- Fred Rogers