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"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little."
-- Porterfield

Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.
-- Lord Chesterfield

Mae West: A plumber's idea of cleopatra.

-- W. C. Fields

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said "Alright; you're ugly too."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
-- W. C. Fields

Poetry is the mixture of common sense, which not all have, with an uncommon sense, which very few have.
-- John Masefield

Reporter to Ghandi: What do you think of western civilisation?
Ghandi: I think it would be a very good idea.

'A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.'
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

Reporter, n: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day was for once working out so much according to plan. Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go mad, and now he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the fields of prehistoric Earth.
-- Douglas Adams (Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Bagdikian's Observation:
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew Passion' on a ukelele.

Change is the essential process of all existence.
-- Spock (Star Trek, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield")