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"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little."
-- Porterfield
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.
-- Lord Chesterfield
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said "Alright; you're ugly too."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Mae West: A plumber's idea of cleopatra.

-- W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
-- W. C. Fields
Poetry is the mixture of common sense, which not all have, with an uncommon sense, which very few have.
-- John Masefield
Reporter to Ghandi: What do you think of western civilisation?
Ghandi: I think it would be a very good idea.
'A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.'
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
Reporter, n: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
-- Ambrose Bierce