randomsearchproposestats
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"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
-- Walter Bagehot
He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.
He said "It's all in your head", and I said "So's everything" but he didn't get it /
I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy.
-- Fiona Apple (Paper Bag)
Seattle reminds me a lot of London, where people will drink 12 beers but they never act drunk. Which makes you wonder what the point is of drinking 12 beers, if you're not going to put the lampshade on your head. You're killing your liver and still having no fun.
-- Peter Bagge
"Paper has a genius for multiplication that cannot be equalled anywhere else in nature."
-- Hugh Keenleyside
"Invest in America, Buy a Congressman."
-- Bumper sticker
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
-- Bumper sticker
Where there's a will, I want to be in it."
-- Bumper sticker
Bagdikian's Observation:
Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew Passion' on a ukelele.
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck."
-- Bumper sticker
"Make Love, Not War. (see driver for details)"
-- Bumper sticker
Ad from newspaper:
'Dinner Special--Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.'
"I figured out why I'm not getting seriously rich. I write newspaper columns. Nobody ever makes newspaper columns into Major Motion Pictures starring Tom Cruise. The best you can hope for, with a newspaper column, is that people will like it enough to attach it to their refrigerators with magnets shaped like fruit."
-- Dave Barry
"God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier."
-- Bumper sticker
Oh, soddit, blackmail is too much like work.
-- Roger BW
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright
Teacher's First Law of Grading Lab Papers: If an experiment has perfect results, the student has cheated.
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?"
-- Bumper sticker
Scientists find wonder in everything, except extremely dull papers on quality assurance.

-- Telo (#xkcd)
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"
-- Bumper sticker
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
(Correction Notice in the Ely Standard)
Accordion, n: A bagpipe with pleats.
All your base pairs are belong to us
"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away."
-- Barry Goldwater
"She hates me."
"She hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back."
-- Corey and Gina (Empire Records)
"He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat."
-- Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)