135 hits
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.-- Molly Ivins
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
Additional: Our biggest enemy is going space crazy through loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes.-- Holly (Red Dwarf II, Queeg)
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."-- Cyril Connolly
"That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers."-- Charles Chincholles
Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
Fungus is actually alive. Be afraid.
Propaganda - A socially correct goose
"Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person good night."-- Andy Warhol
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.-- Oscar Levant
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
"Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed."-- R.S. Ingersoll
"Ah," said the president [Reagan] with great lucidity, "It's true we shipped weapons to Iran, but they were defensive weapons."
If the man had a brain, he'd play with it.-- Molly Ivins
"Those who realize their folly are not true fools"-- Chuang Tzu
Aftermath, n: The period following algebra.
Love thine enemies... it really pisses them off.
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
Life is a sexually transmitted, fatal disease...
I'm always making a comeback, but nobody ever tells me where I've been.-- Billie Holiday
In the end, man is not entirely guilty — he did not start history. Nor is he wholly innocent — he continues it.-- Albert Camus
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
Books: A controlled hallucinogen known to regularly cause people to imagine things that are not really there.
Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
War on common sense - I think we actually won that one...
Headline: Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
You're probably the sort who would have Dorothy arrested for throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West.-- Eric Holeman
'I think,' he said slowly, 'that the only reason people think you can't kill a vampire by shoving its head up its own arse is because nobody's ever actually tried it. What do you think, guys?'-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
"I wanna hold your hand" -- The Beatles.
"I wanna fuck you like an animal" -- Nine Inch Nails.
30 years of rock 'n roll evolution.
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing."-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'"-- Scully ("The X Files")
Brought to you by the people who made "out of context" a household word.
Ignoranus, n: A person who is not only ignorant, but an asshole to boot.
"No man chooses evil because it is evil;
he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."-- Mary Wollstonecraft
Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.-- Andy Warhol
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.-- Alexander Woollcott
I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity
It was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger.-- Tom Holt
Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope.-- Robert Green Ingersoll
There was something - difficult to describe, when you've only got shoddy, post-modernist adjectives to work with - cheerfully revential in his manner, as if he had just seen the Messiah and remembered that the Messiah owed him twenty quid.-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
"And really, what's so important that it can't wait until after noon, anyway?"
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
He raised his hand, pointed the Colt and fired.
It would be an exaggeration to say that the whole of Skinner's life flashed before his eyes, because he'd had a long and interesting life and there simply wasn't time. He'd got as far as his sixth birthday party, when Jenny Mason ate too much jelly roll and was sick on Mom's new carpet, when he realised he was still alive.-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
Insofar as possible, I surround myself with pleasant, tolerant, intelligent people. Life's too short to spend it with people who don't like what you are.-- Eric Holeman
"Life at the top is financially rewarding, spiritually draining, physically exhausting, and short."-- Peter C. Newman
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Kisses are like tears. The only ones that are real are the ones you can't hold back.
"There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it." (Niven's Law #16)
Jason squared his shoulders, drew the Sword of - I couldn't give a toss what it's supposed to be called, he said to himself, I shall call it Freckles - and took one step forward.-- Tom Holt ("Ye Gods!")
"Question Authority. They usually know where the bathroom is."-- Daria
I usually shoot for that threshold of coffee strength that's just *short* of the coffee achieving sentience.-- Gretchen Wright
Even if you're paranoid, maybe the guy with the chainsaw really is after you.
Genies rarely have nightmares, for the same reason that elephants don't usually worry about being trampled underfoot. With the possible exception of bottles, there's nothing in the cosmos large enough or malicious enough to frighten them, or stupid enough to try.-- Tom Holt ("Djinn Rummy")
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.-- Steve VanDevender
By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.-- Robert Frost
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"-- Basho
A troll is someone who, finding that no-one likes them, decides to pretend that it's on purpose.
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is. (The Covert Comic)
I like the kind of people that can hold on to the the feeling they have after the song or movie ends.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.-- Wakko (Animaniacs)
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.-- Dave Butler
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
"What's reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch."-- Jane Wagner
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.-- Kin Hubbard
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.
Hence University education.-- George Bernard Shaw
Arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you accidentally walk through a spider web.
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."-- Bryan White
I'm sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll cheerleaers would be nice: 'Two... four.... er.. many... lots'.-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
"To me happiness, true happiness is when you can really dance with sad."-- Tori Amos
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
We tend to see our own experiences as the normal process, so we are often amazed that anyone could have taken a different path. But when we do meet up, it's always fascinating to compare notes about the different ways to get there.-- Daniel Gilly
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
You do not understand hate. You do not hate *something*, you are full of hate or not full of hate. Generally, if you are not full of hate you are dumb. Generally, if you are full of hate you are also dumb. Generally, you are dumb.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
Everyone: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes! (Spaceballs)
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?-- Ernest Gaines III
I love stress because it's a whole lot better than depression.-- Drew Olbrich
(as The Spice Girls play in background)
"What are they doing?"
"Psychological warfare." (Small Soldiers)
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-- Fred Allen
When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
"If there is one thing that always comes out of a terrible tragedy, it is really dumb legislation." (Esquire magazine)
"Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad and insane. Some of them started out that way."
Murphy's Eleventh Law of Computing:
A computer program will follow your orders, but rarely your intentions.
Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
On going to war over religion:
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
Cashtration, n.: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.-- Elbert Hubbard
Those who do not remember history are doomed to sound silly.-- Carole Ashmore
'You're a hero. Heroes are supposed to know these things.'
'Get stuffed,' replied the hero.
'You're formulating a plan of campaign, aren't you?'
'Get real. I'm trying to get this pxy chunk of gravel out of my - ah, that's got it. Right, where were we?'-- Tom Holt ("My Hero")
Err. I'm visualising. I'm either really scared, or really turned on.
Or both. Maybe that's a typical reaction to Skud.-- Rebecca B. Gray
"Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life's problems."-- Homer Simpson
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."-- Eric Hoffer
He was just... well, like a lot of madmen. Somewhat accurate view of the problem, really insane view of the solution. (Kid Radd)
"There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone."-- Gloria Steinem
It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a new bomber.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.-- Lily Tomlin
I listen so that I may decipher the mystery of myself and become more whole.-- Richard Moss
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, chances are you're the one.
"An artist is a creature driven by demons. He don't usually know why they chose him and he's usually too busy to wonder why."-- William Faulkner
After 16 years, MTV has finally completed its de-evolution into the shiny things network.-- The Onion
"We're kind of taught how to be unpowerful. You're taught how to be distracted. You're taught how to not focus. You know, it's really a hoot how great it is. I kind of think it's a conspiracy, not the President. He's like, they're just like too sophomoric for this concept. I mean beyond that, you see, it's really here where things change. It's here with you people. If you can't be controlled the way you think, the way you express, what you hold back. I'm really interested in what you don't tell me. It's the things that we hold back from ourselves."-- Tori Amos
"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."-- Nietzsche
Common sense: The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.-- Albert Einstein
"A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."-- Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)
Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.-- Mark Van Doren
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.-- Oscar Wilde
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Especially Bob Dylan.-- Jim Rosenberg
Words skittered out of his mouth like cartoon dogs on fresh-waxed linoleum, frantically going nowhere.-- Amy Tan
"People can travel great distances on a computer, so why can't we travel that way emotionally?"-- Tori Amos
"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."-- Wendell Berry
"If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities."-- Maya Angelou
"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."-- James D. Nicoll