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"The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of Earth."
-- Dogbert (Dilbert)

To err is human, to purr feline.
-- Robert Byrne

"I'm not confused, I'm just well mixed."
-- Robert Frost

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.
-- Robert Burton

"Dogma does not mean the absence of thought, but the end of thought."
-- Gilbert Keith Chesterton

An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
-- Albert Camus

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Fast, fat computers breed slow, lazy programmers."
-- Robert Hummel

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired
-- Robert Frost

It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions.
-- Robert Bly

A popular man arouses the jealousy of the powerful.
-- Frank Herbert (Dune)

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
-- Albert Einstein

I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
-- Albert Einstein

The important thing is never to stop questioning.
-- Albert Einstein

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
-- Bertrand Russell

Libert�, �galit�, anxi�t�
(someone on tumblr)

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
-- Elbert Hubbard

It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.
-- Robert Park

You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.
-- Robert Benchley

Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-- Albert Einstein

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
-- Albert Einstein

Only a monomaniac gets what we commonly refer to as results.
-- Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt."
-- Herbert Hoover

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.
-- Robertson Davies

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy."
-- Robert Anthony

Common sense: The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
-- Albert Einstein

"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance."
-- Robert R. Coveyou

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
-- Robert Frost

Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.
-- Robert Heinlein

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.
-- Albert Einstein

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
-- Herbert Prochnow

"Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them."
-- Robert Strauss (on conducting)

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.
-- Albert Einstein

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
-- Robert Frost

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education.
-- Bertrand Russell

What is inconceivable about the universe is that it is at all conceivable.
-- Albert Einstein

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

As far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
-- Albert Einstein

"A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."
-- Robert Frost

By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.
-- Robert Frost

The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.
-- Robert A. Heinlein

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
-- Robert A. Heinlein

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
-- Albert Einstein

"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."
-- Bertrand Russell

You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer `yes' without having asked any clear question.
-- Albert Camus

"All definitions, no matter the language, should be considered probationary."
-- Frank Herbert (Whipping Star)

Adolescence, n: The stage between puberty and adultery.

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
-- Bertrand Russell

My karma ran over my dogma.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost

The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action."
-- Frank Herbert

In the end, man is not entirely guilty — he did not start history. Nor is he wholly innocent — he continues it.
-- Albert Camus

What is wanted is not the will to believe but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.
-- Robert Pirsig

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.
-- Elbert Hubbard

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment."
-- Robert Benchley

One of the main causes of trouble in the world is dogmatic and fanatical belief in some doctrine for which there is no adequate evidence.
-- Bertrand Russell

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."
-- Albert Einstein

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
-- Donald Robert Perry Marquis

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead
Just walk beside me and be my friend

-- Albert Camus

We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
-- Albert Einstein

Innovation is not the product of logical thought, even though the final product is tied to a logical structure.
-- Albert Einstein

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein

"The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good."
-- Robert Graves

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell

"The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists -- that is why they invented hell."
-- Bertrand Russell

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
-- Robert Frost

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
-- Bertrand Russell

"To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition."
-- Albert Einstein

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
-- Albert Einstein

The right to search for the truth implies also a duty; one must not conceal any part of what one has recognized to be the truth.
-- Albert Einstein

Our hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all religions come from that hope.
-- Robert Green Ingersoll

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves but wiser people are full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell

The human language is like a cracked kettle on which we beat out a tune for a dancing bear, when we hope with our music to move the stars.
-- Gustave Flaubert

Sex is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
-- Jim Rosenberg

Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-- G. K. Chesterton

I once listed all the good things I did over the past year, and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them. That was a good feeling.
-- Robert Fulghum

'Love' is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
-- Robert A. Heinlein (Jubal Harshaw, Stranger in a Strange Land)

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past.
-- Robertson Davies ("A Voice from the Attic," 1960)

Headline: Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman

Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ.
-- Sandra Bernhard

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-- just stupid.)
-- Robert A. Heinlein

You see, the conditional modifers depend on certain variables like the day of the week, the number of players, chair positions, things like that. [...] There can't be more than a dozen or two that are pertinent.
-- Robert Asprin ("Little Myth Marker")

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
-- Umberto Eco

Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief to excuse their cruelty. Only kindly men believe in a kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.
-- Bertrand Russell

"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."
-- Jane Siberry

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
-- Albert Einstein

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.
-- Albert Einstein

The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.
-- Robert Hutchins ("Great Books", 1954)

The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking that we have done so far, has created problems we cannot solve at the level of thinking at which we created them.
-- Albert Einstein

Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility.

"I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy."
-- Bern Williams

"All great truths begin as blasphemies."
-- George Bernard Shaw

One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
-- Bertrand Russell

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg

Love is like a fruit. It may look good, but you shouldn't bite in it until it's ripe.
-- Nick Hertl

"She who has the biggest sword gets to be the biggest bitch."
-- Kymberli Morris

"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."
-- G. K. Chesterton

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
-- Robert Cringely ("InfoWorld")

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Especially Bob Dylan.
-- Jim Rosenberg

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
-- G. K. Chesterton

"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."
-- Wendell Berry

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
-- George Bernard Shaw

"If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual."
-- Frank Herbert

Life is like a dog-sled team; If you ain't the lead dog, the scene never changes.

"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."

"Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism."
-- Bernard J. Hibbits

"Doing what we please is not freedom, is not liberty; rather, it is the abuse of true liberty and freedom."
-- Cardinal Hayes

"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
-- George Bernard Shaw

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.
-- Albert Einstein

Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.
-- James Thurber

You don't have to flaunt technical ability in order to benefit from it. If you have the capability to play a million notes, and then you play only three notes, that lends an amazing profundity to the three notes you did choose.
-- Robert Fripp (paraphrased)

"Indifference is isolation. In difference is texture and wonder."
-- Edwin Schlossberg

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.
-- Bertrand Russell

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz

Adventure: The land between entertainment and panic.

Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

"The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy."
-- Louis Kronenberger

The goodness of morals depends upon what the morals say, not just the fact that they are morals.
-- Rob Bernardo

"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
-- Norm (Cheers)

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."
-- Anne Lindbergh

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
-- George Bernard Shaw

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.
-- Albert Einstein

A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear and punishment and hope of reward after death.
-- Albert Einstein

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-- Ingrid Bergman

Fool-proof implies a finite number of predictable fools.

"Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing."
-- George Bernard Shaw

Maybe cybergoths are just cyberpunks who get laid.
-- Sourcerer

"The man who has no tincture of philosophy goes through life imprisoned in the prejudices derived from common sense, from the habitual beliefs of his age or nation, and from convictions which have grown up in his mind without the co-operation or consent of his deliberate reason."
-- Bertrand Russell

One can overstate anything. Your advertising depends on it.

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony #9.
-- Erwin Dietrich

All goverments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathalogical personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible. Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a condition to which they are quickly addicted.
-- Frank Herbert

Democracy according to the NRA: Firearms are necessary to protect individual liberties; most of all the right to own firearms.