randomsearchproposestats
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Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
-- G. M. Trevelyan
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes.
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.
-- Evelyn Waugh
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
For practical purposes we have agreed that sanity consists in sharing the hallucinations of our neighbors.
-- Evelyn Underhill
Modern times are an awkward spectacle. On the one hand, our public selves compete for scarce window space, for the opportunity to see in and to where power is decided and used. On the other, private life recedes like a glacier, a translucent corner of heaven meant only to be photographed, never settled.
-- Revel
If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
I revel some but not nearly enough to get up on stage. In fact, the amount of drunken revelry required to get me on stage in a karaoke bar would probably also send me into a coma.
-- Joe Lavin
Arithmetic: An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
Piety, n: Reverence for the Supreme Being, based on His supposed resemblance to man.
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
-- Aaron Levenstein
"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever."
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
-- Steven Wright
"Has anyone ever told you you have a SERIOUS impulse control problem?"
-- Riddler (Batman Forever)
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.
-- Steve VanDevender
Ah, twitter, where people will be deeply outraged for one to six hours, before forgetting forever.
Never moon a werewolf.
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
-- James Dean
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.
-- Susan Sontag
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
-- Theodore Roosevelt
Never only doubt or only believe your doubts.
In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
-- Oscar Wilde
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-- Albert Einstein
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
-- Steve Wozniak
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
Never try to lick a glacier.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
-- Lily Tomlin
Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.
-- Robert Heinlein
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
-- Steven Wright
If god dropped acid, would he see people?
-- Steven Wright
Every silver lining has a cloud.
If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-- Steven Wright
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Steven Wright
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Whenever you fall, pick someone up.
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright
"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."
-- Steve Lidie
There's many a best seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor
"In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence."
-- Laurence Johnston Peter
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)
I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
There are things so deeply personal that they can be revealed only to strangers.
-- Richard Rodriguez
The revolution will NOT be televised.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright
Men forget, but never forgive. Women forgive, but never forget.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-- Steven Wright
The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking that we have done so far, has created problems we cannot solve at the level of thinking at which we created them.
-- Albert Einstein
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
-- Steven Wright
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-- Adlai Stevenson
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
-- Steven Wright
Power doesn't always corrupt. Power always reveals. When you have enough power to do what you always wanted to do, then you see what the guy always wanted to do.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-- Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
-- Steven Wright
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
-- Steven Wright
The weirder you are, the better you have to be if you still want to get paid.
-- Ben Aveling
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Doubt your beliefs and believe your doubts.
A thief believes everybody steals.
-- E.W. Howe
"There's nothing like desire to prevent the things one says from having any resemblance to the things in one's mind."
-- Marcel Proust
"Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see."
-- Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)
"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."
-- Steve Witham
Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused, but on a higher level.
-- Enrico Fermi
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
-- Adlai Stevenson
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
-- Jack Handey
"To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition."
-- Albert Einstein
"Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated."
-- George Santayana
You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
"The proverb warns that 'You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself."
-- Thomas Szasz
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.
-- Steven Feiner
People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.
-- Andy Warhol