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"A hard man is good to find."
-- Mae West

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
-- Mae West

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-- Mae West

“I speak two languages: Body and English.”
-- Mae West

It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.
-- Mae West

I always say, keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.
-- Mae West

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
-- Mae West

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
-- Mae West

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
-- Mae West

"Don't keep a man guessing too long--he's sure to find the answer somewhere else."
-- Mae West

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
-- Mae West

A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.

The best way to accelerate hardware is at 9.8 m/sec/sec.

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.
-- Sigmund Freud

Lesbians, when only the breast will do.
(graffiti in Sydney, NSW)

The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
-- John Keats

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
-- Robert Frost

If there is no such thing as justice then the best we can hope for is revenge

Friendship is Love without its wings. (l'Amiti� est l'amour sans ailes.)
-- Lord Byron

I think - therefore I'm single.
-- Liz Winstead

Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."

Honk if you've slept with Riker.

"To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising yourself."
-- Will and Ariel Durant

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-- Mae West.

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
-- Ernest Hemingway

Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.

"When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. Know what the Russians used?"
"A pencil?"
"A pencil."

-- Leo, Toby and Sam, and Leo (West Wing)

"The west won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-westerners never do."
-- Samuel P. Huntington

Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-- Kipling

I do not like the man: he has all of the virtues I detest and none of the vices I admire.
-- Winston Churchill

Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.

Aftermath, n: The period following algebra.

"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
-- Westley (The Princess Bride)