randomsearchproposestats
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The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.
-- Randy K. Milholland (Something Positive Comic, 2001-10-30)

I like life -- it's something to do.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.

Secret, n: Something you tell to one person at a time.

There's a difference between knowing something and realizing it.

Whenever you fall, pick something up.
-- Oswald Avery

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
-- T. S. Eliot

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
-- Carl Sagan

Nothing true is popular, and nothing popular is true.

"Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective."

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
-- Kin Hubbard

Patience is something you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.

If I'm not always happy, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It means I am doing something real.
-- Laurie Seligman

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
-- Fran Lebowitz

Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.
-- Arnold Glasgow

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

Bullshit, in contrast to mere nonsense, is something that implies, but does not contain, adequate meaning or truth.

Occam's eraser: The philosophical principle that even the simplest solution is bound to have something wrong with it.

Glamour is that indefinable something about a girl who has a large bosom.
-- Andy Rothman

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
-- Lily Tomlin

Don't lick something unless you really mean it.
-- Naked Dancing LLama (www.frolic.org)

"A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author."
-- S. C. Johnson

Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.

-- Ogden Nash

'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

"Every man is afraid of something.That`s how you know he`s in love with you;when he is afraid of losing you"

"See?" said the cat. "Give them an opposed thumb and they think they're something special."
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
-- Westley (The Princess Bride)

"Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
-- Dorothy Galyean

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.
-- Marie Osmond

"Most people do not watch TV because they want to watch TV. They watch TV to relieve themselves of the burden of finding something actually enjoyable to do."

Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.

Just because something's toxic doesn't mean it's not tasty.
-- Matthew J. Siske

Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods. They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.
-- Oscar Wilde

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."

If I sit here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something.
-- S.R. McElroy

"Whenever I say something they find hard to hear /
they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear."

-- Ani Difranco (Pretty Girl)

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
-- George Bernard Shaw

[A] thing is symmetrical if there is something we can do to it so that after we have done it, it looks the same as it did before.
-- Richard Feynman

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain.

Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the living shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

When you live in the shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event.
-- R. Pirsig

Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.
-- Jenna

"There ain't no rules around here, we're trying to accomplish something."
-- Thomas Alva Edison

"That for which we find words is something already dead in our hearts. There is always a kind of contempt in the act of speaking."
-- Nietzsche (The Twighlight of the Idols)

Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else's position.

'Anything that happens, happens'
'Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.'
'Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.'
'It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.'

-- Douglas Adams (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
-- Albert Einstein

The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as rather silly. I would rather use them to mimic something better.
-- Edsger Dijkstra

Being abstract is something profoundly different from being vague... The purpose of abstraction is not to be vague, but to create a new semantic level in which one can be absolutely precise.
-- Edsger Dijkstra

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Every time I have to pipe something into awk I get this mental picture of a big fat seagull with stdin connected at the wrong end.
-- Arther van der Harg (a.s.r.)

There's something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girls lips.
-- Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy (Batman & Robin)

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

[Not to mention, butterfly would be flutterby. Ed.]

-- Doug Larson

"There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality."
-- Pablo Picasso

There are three ways to get something done:
    (1) Do it yourself.
    (2) Hire someone to do it for you.
    (3) Forbid your kids to do it.

"You know how sometimes the last sentence you said, like, echoes in your brain, and it just keeps sounding stupider? and you have to say something else, just to make it stop?"
-- Angela Chase (my so-called life)