44 hits
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.-- Steven Wright
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.-- Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?-- Steven Wright
"If you're one in a million, there are ten of you in New York."
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.-- Steven Wright
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.-- Steven Wright
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.-- Steven Wright
Not to expose your true feelings to an adult seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards.-- George Orwell
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.-- Steven Wright
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.-- Steven Wright
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.-- Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?-- Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.-- Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...-- Steven Wright
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."-- Steven Wright
Machine learning, n: Automation of your biases
The skin of civilization is only 7 meals thick
Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.-- Steven Wright
Odo: That's a very personal question.
Jadzia Dax: I'm sorry, but after seven lifetimes, impersonal questions aren't much fun anymore. (Star Trek: DS9 (Shadowplay))
Five-step methods are the surest sign of an uninspired plan.
And even priests were coming to spend some time in it, because of the collection of religious books. There were one thousand, two hundred and eighty-three religious books in there now, each one--according to itself--the only one any man need ever read. It was sort of nice to see them all together.-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)
It is always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.-- Anais Nin
The definition of easy work is work that someone else has to do.
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
I need more tact. I never say anything I want to say very well. I'm even worse at what I don't want to say.