randomsearchproposestats
44 hits
"The computer world is like a great big toy store. But all the toys are broken."
-- Steve Witham
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
-- Steve Wozniak
Accordion, n: A bagpipe with pleats.
...people with a moebius strip of a mind...
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
If common sense was so common then everyone would have it.
-- Steve Giammarco
"A child prodigy is one with highly imaginative parents."
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
"The first thing to remember about Unix is that nothing is ever spelled correctly."
-- Steve Lidie
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Today was a really, really great day, on the "aaagh fuck me!" scale.
-- Steve VanDevender
Honk if you've slept with Riker.
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
"Every man is afraid of something.That`s how you know he`s in love with you;when he is afraid of losing you"
"Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite."
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
-- Steven Wright
Computer Science without FORTRAN and COBOL is like birthday cake without ketchup and mustard.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
-- Confucius
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Argue not with Dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well with cheese.
"You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."
(Gone With the Wind)
Cat, n: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
-- Steven Wright
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
-- Sam Brown
If god dropped acid, would he see people?
-- Steven Wright
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"Do no activate with wet hands"
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...
-- Steven Wright
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-- Steven Wright
Friendship is Love without its wings. (l'Amiti� est l'amour sans ailes.)
-- Lord Byron
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
-- Steven Wright
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Ah! don't say that you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.
-- Oscar Wilde
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.

She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.
-- Jonathan Colan
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
-- Steven Wright
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
-- Steven Wright