Quotes

84 hits

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rich Cook

Banectomy, n: The removal of bruises on a banana.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

You aren't appealing to my sense of voyeurism.
-- Stevie Ulrich

Chef, n.: Any cook who swears in French.

I love stress because it's a whole lot better than depression.
-- Drew Olbrich

Zipcuffed, adj: To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.

Sniglet, n: Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Rich Kulawiec

Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony #9.
-- Erwin Dietrich

"We have art in order not to die of the truth."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.
-- Erich Fromm

Spirtle, n: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Pigslice, n: The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dying for.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Spagmumps, n: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Elbonics, n: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Magnocartic, adj: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Petonic (peh ton' ik), adj: One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

I need to get a life. I have a neat counselor though, which is, I guess a convenient substitute.
-- Stevie Ulrich

"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."
-- Marlene Dietrich

Aquadextrous, adj: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Circumpopulate (sur kum pop' yew layt'), v: To finish off a popsicle "laterally" because the "frontal" approach causes one to gag.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Solutions are not the answer."
-- Richard Nixon

Real love stories never have endings.
-- Richard Bach

Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling), n: Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Do just once what others say you can't do,
and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
-- James R. Cook

Bathquake, n: The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned on to a certain point.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Many a man fails to become a thinker for the sole reason that his memory is too good.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Christianity poisoned Eros, but Eros did not die, it merely degenerated into a vice.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Pedaeration, n: Achieving the perfect body heat by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"To describe the beating of Egg Whites is almost as cheeky as advising how to lead a happy life."
-- The Joy of Cooking

I don't understand men, women, sheep, grass, or computers. Understanding is for those too weak to handle confusion.
-- Stevie Ulrich

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people, and times, it is the rule.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh), n: The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Absence of proof is not proof of absence.
-- Michael Crichton

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (On Reading and Writing)

The fun with white chocolate macadamia nut cookies is telling which white fatty substance is which. I can't.

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will he will be sure to repent it.
-- Socrates

Nerb, n: a noun used as a verb. For example: ''They didn't language the proclamation very well''. nerb, nerbing, nerbed v. the act of using nouns as verbs in a sentence.
-- Rich Hill

"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
-- Richard Nixon

Squanderprint (skwan' duhr print), n: Directions that try to make you use up a product faster than you normally would. (Ex.: Apply shampoo. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

Anticiparcellate (an ti si par' sel ate), v: Waiting until the mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail, so as not too appear too anxious.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

"What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?"
-- Richard Nixon

I listen so that I may decipher the mystery of myself and become more whole.
-- Richard Moss

"Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy."
-- Richard M. Nixon

In art, as in no other form of endeavor, there is meaning apart from success.
-- Joseph Conrad

"All dogmas perish the thinking mind, especially ones you agree with."
-- Adam Richardson

Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table.
-- The Anarchist Cookbook

There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.
-- Richard Le Gallienne

'A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.'
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.
-- Max Weinreich

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealing with men."
-- Joseph Conrad

There are things so deeply personal that they can be revealed only to strangers.
-- Richard Rodriguez

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
-- Dick Cavett

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.
-- Richard Feynman

"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."
-- Mark Twain

"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."
-- Richard Harkness

"If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love."
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
-- Bertrand Russell

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.
-- Samuel Beckett

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
-- James Branch Cabell

[A] thing is symmetrical if there is something we can do to it so that after we have done it, it looks the same as it did before.
-- Richard Feynman

"My work is much richer than my life."
-- Tori Amos

When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
-- Steve Haflich (alt.lang.design)

"For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook."
-- Quentin Crisp

"I want a car. Chicks dig the car."
"This is why Superman works alone."
-- Richard Grayson and Bruce Wayne (Batman & Robin)

Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are software.
-- Richard P. Brennan

I trusted him like a brother -- which is to say, not at all.

Say what you like about me, but sometimes I wish that I were really rich and didn't have to work. And also handsome.
-- Dave George

"It is a besetting vice of democracies to substitute public opinion for law. This is the usual form in which masses of men exhibit their tyranny."
-- James Fenimore Cooper

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
-- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.
-- Richard Lederer (Crazy English)

C++, the language in which only friends can access your private members.

A committee is an alley down which good ideas are lead and quietly strangled

"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties"