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They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 am, I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed.-- Nathan Hansar
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.-- Jonathan Swift
"Patriotism is an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."-- George Jean Nathan
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
"As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense."-- Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.-- Jonathan Swift
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
The greatest possible mint of style is to make the words absolutely disappear into the thought.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
A trial is a lot like gladiator combat. Except trials don't feature half-naked men in armor with swords and spears and those ball thingies at the ends of ropes. Well, okay -- the good trials do, but it doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me.-- Jonathan Colan
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how can actions speak louder than words?
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. (Ladies' Home Journal)
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.