randomsearchproposestats
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The public seems incapable of distinguishing between your garden variety idiot and your genuine lunatic. It is the same confusion the public has had over the last five Presidents.
-- Mark Leeper
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
-- Mark Twain
"Be virtuous and you will be eccentric."
-- Mark Twain
The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
-- Mark Twain
"Familiarity breeds contempt--and children."
-- Mark Twain
"Virtue has never been as respectable as money."
-- Mark Twain
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
-- Mark Twain
"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."
-- Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
"Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it wont be allowed."
-- Mark Twain
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
-- Mark Twain
"People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases."
-- Mark Twain
"In America--as elsewhere--free speech is confined to the dead."
-- Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
-- Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
-- Mark Twain
"You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus."
-- Mark Twain
"Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone."
-- Mark Twain
"To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was tautology."
-- Mark Twain
I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
-- Mark Twain
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed."
-- Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
-- Mark Twain
Bureaucracy is the enemy of innovation.
-- Mark Shepherd (former CEO of Texas Instruments)
"We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles."
-- Mark Twain
"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."
-- Mark Twain
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
-- Mark Twain
"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
-- Mark Twain
Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
-- Mark Van Doren
"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we'."
-- Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
-- Mark Twain
"God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyll and Hyde of sacred romance."
-- Mark Twain
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."
-- Mark Twain
"Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth."
-- Mark Van Doren
[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
-- Mark Twain
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."
-- Mark Twain
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
-- Mark Twain
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."
-- Mark Twain
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress."
-- Mark Twain
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to be insane in such a useful way that they can't commit you."
-- Mark Edwards
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog."
-- Mark Twain
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."
-- Mark Twain
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."
-- Mark Twain
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

-- Mark Twain
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
-- Margaret Lee Runbeck
"A nuclear power plant is infinently safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year."
-- Dixy Lee Ray
The job of the poet is to render the world -- to see it and report it without loss, without perversion. No poet ever talks about feelings. Only sentimental people do.
-- Mark Van Doren
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Those who say they 'sleep like a baby' haven't got one.
Sleep deprivation is fun -- you see such pretty colors.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
"They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me."
-- Nathaniel Lee (on being consigned to a mental institution, circa 17th century)
We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift - our personal association, which means so much to them - we give grudgingly.
-- Mark Twain
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.
-- Mark Twain
When you have to deal with the god-awful instruction set of the X86, you may as well get paid.
-- ECE/CS 552 Professor Mark Hill (explaining why we would be studying the MIPS architecture instead.)
Happiness is a warm puppy, stir-fried with scallions and red pepper.
-- Ry Schwark
"Warning: may cause drowsiness"
(warning label on Nytol sleep aid)
It's a mistake to underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion.
-- Robert Park
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
-- Dark Helmet (Spaceballs)
Hartley's second law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-- Aristotle
It is a good thing to in your mind be able to seperate the artist from the art.
The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
A dark past creates a long path back to the surface.