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We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.-- Jonathan Swift
"As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense."-- Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.-- Jonathan Swift
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."-- Doug Larson
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.-- Doug Larson
"Patriotism is an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."-- George Jean Nathan
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 am, I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed.-- Nathan Hansar
A trial is a lot like gladiator combat. Except trials don't feature half-naked men in armor with swords and spears and those ball thingies at the ends of ropes. Well, okay -- the good trials do, but it doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me.-- Jonathan Colan