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I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.-- Jonathan Swift
A trial is a lot like gladiator combat. Except trials don't feature half-naked men in armor with swords and spears and those ball thingies at the ends of ropes. Well, okay -- the good trials do, but it doesn't happen often enough, if you ask me.-- Jonathan Colan
"As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense."-- Jonathan Swift
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.-- Jonathan Swift
"Patriotism is an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."-- George Jean Nathan
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
-- George Jean Nathan
They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 am, I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed.-- Nathan Hansar
The greatest possible mint of style is to make the words absolutely disappear into the thought.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear."-- Alan Coren
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.-- Woody Allen
If the pen is mightier than the sword then how can actions speak louder than words?
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
Nothing is better than Sex.
Masturbation is better than nothing.
Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."