Quotes

40 hits

If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.
-- Perry Farrell

The decline in American pride, patriotism, and piety can be directly attributed to the extensive reading of so-called 'science fiction' by our young people. This poisonous rot about creatures not of God's making, societies of 'aliens' without a good Christian among them, and raw sex between unhuman beings with three heads and God alone knows what sort of reproductive apparatus keeps our young people from realizing the true will of God.
-- Jerry Falwell (Reader's Digest, 1985)

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
-- Jerry Seinfeld

"I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
-- Jerry Garcia

Baby orang-otans look like surprised coconuts.
-- Terry Pratchett

"I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress."
-- Jane Siberry

"And then the world went mad. All right, madder."
-- Terry Pratchett (Pyramids)

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
-- Terry Pratchett

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
-- Terry Pratchett ("The Colour of Magic")

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
-- Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it."
-- Wendell Berry

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
-- Terry Pratchett

"Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned."
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

Don't you talk to me about progress. Progress just means bad things happen faster.
-- Terry Pratchett

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance".
-- Terry Pratchett

"A giant woman carrying a screaming ape up a tall building," sighed Dibbler.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's the weather for you.
-- Terry Pratchett (Good Omens)

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy, but they were listening in gibberish.
-- Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

'If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.'
-- Terry Pratchett (concerning popcorn, Moving Pictures)

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
-- Terry Pratchett

"See?" said the cat. "Give them an opposed thumb and they think they're something special."
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
-- Donald Robert Perry Marquis

"He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat."
-- Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

If I heeded all the advice I've had over the years, I'ld have written 18 books about Rincewind.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once.
Like the Borg, they learn...
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- Terry Pratchett

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
-- Terry Pratchett

The singing wasn't particularly good. The only word the singer appeared to know was "la," but she was making it work hard.
-- Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield.
-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb--they're often students, for heaven's sake.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.
-- Terry Pratchett ("Equal Rites")

I reckon that Stonehenge was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)

"The I.S.O. standard unit of female pulchritude is the milli-Helen. This is the amount of beauty capable of causing the launching of a single ship."
-- Terry Pratchett

I'm sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll cheerleaers would be nice: 'Two... four.... er.. many... lots'.
-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)