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The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
-- H. Allen Smith ("Let the Crabgrass Grow")

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
-- Woody Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-- Fred Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
-- Woody Allen

"I became insane, with long instances of horrible sanity."
-- Edgar Allen Poe

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
-- Fred Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-- Woody Allen (Without Feathers, 1976)

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
-- Woody Allen

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
-- Edgar Allen Poe

Begin somewhere; you cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do.
-- Liz Smith

"We need a new cosmology. New Gods. New Sacraments. Another drink."
-- Patti Smith

Breakfast is the most important meal of the afternoon.
-- Amelia T. Smith

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen ("Without Feathers")

Remember, to be forewarned is to be forearmed, and to be forearmed is to be half octopus.
-- Gene Smith

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen

"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."
-- Alexander Smith

Virtue is more to be feared than vice, because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience.
-- Adam Smith

I always used to wonder why the pope wore drag.
-- Tom Farrell
Who cares, as long as he looks faaabulous?!

-- Gene Smith