34 hits
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."-- Drew Carey
I love stress because it's a whole lot better than depression.-- Drew Olbrich
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts — for support rather than illumination.-- Andrew Lang
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Don't ask "why" unless you're not disappointed with answers like "I don't know."-- Andrew Walenstein
A good pun is its own reword.
For most mothers, day care is a problem. I'm looking for night care, too.-- Cathy Crimmins
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.-- Earl Wilson
Erotica is stuff that's meant to be read with one hand.-- Carl Manz
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.-- Oscar Wilde
Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.-- Andrew Lias
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comics in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives." (MST3K)
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.-- Carl Sagan
The advantage of emotions is that they lead us astray.-- Oscar Wilde
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.-- Oscar Wilde
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."-- Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.-- Oscar Wilde
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.-- Carol Leifer
The sooner you start to code, the longer the program will take.-- Roy Carlson
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.-- Oscar Wilde
"It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution."-- Oscar Wilde
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
"America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up."-- Oscar Wilde
Who cares whether the glass is half full or half empty? Shouldn't the question be who's been drinking out of my glass?
Those who do not remember history are doomed to sound silly.-- Carole Ashmore
Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up.
"Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived."-- Oscar Wilde
The moment you think you understand a great work of art, it's dead for you.-- Oscar Wilde
In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.-- Carl Sagan