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When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
(BoJack Horseman)

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let 'em go because, man, they're gone.
-- Jack Handey

Donkey: a horse designed by a study team.

Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
-- Jack Handey

"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it."
-- Jack Wagner

Enjoy yourself. If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.
-- Jack Schaefer