118 hits
Jason squared his shoulders, drew the Sword of - I couldn't give a toss what it's supposed to be called, he said to himself, I shall call it Freckles - and took one step forward.-- Tom Holt ("Ye Gods!")
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"God help us both."
"We Lylmik will help you as best we can. You will have to coerce God yourself."
"One good turn gets most of the blankets"
"Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men."-- Jean Rostand
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Primus in orbe Deus fecit timor.
"It was fear that introduced gods into the world."
A man without God is like a fish without a skateboard.
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Only the good die young. Note the average age in Congress.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.
"Greek mythology says that whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. I'd never been sure whether 'mad' meant crazy or angry. Either way, the gods were working on me pretty good right now."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brain.
"You are so lovely."
"Yes."
"Yes! And you take a compliment, too! I like that in a goddess."
"We need a new cosmology. New Gods. New Sacraments. Another drink."-- Patti Smith
God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM
If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.-- Goethe
'Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.'-- Natalie Goldberg
The sun is like breasts - risky to look at unless you've got sunglasses.
If God had meant for us to go around naked we would have been born that way.
"If you insist on leaving your fate to the gods, then the gods will repay your weakness by having a grin or two at your expense. Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you will find yourself docked."-- Tom Robbins (Jitterbug Perfume)
"Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs."
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away."-- Goethe
Because these moments, as precious as they are, they're evil when they're gone.
Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.-- Arthur Freed
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Make the most of yourself, because that's all the self you are going to get, buster.
"They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck."
Wit is a form of arousal.
We challenge one another to be funnier and smarter.
It's high-energy play.
It's the way friends make love to one another.-- Anne Gottlieb
Be good to your friends, or they may develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.-- Goethe
If god meant for us to program, he's a sadist.-- Rob Earhart
"When ET left, he told Drew Barrymore to be good. Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he comes back."-- Paul Rocci
"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you." (Cheers)
Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods. They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.-- Oscar Wilde
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
"Hmm, pleasant effect" thought God, and flipped it off and on a few times.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forget their use.-- Galileo Galilei
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.-- Voltaire
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer.-- Fred Brooks
[American Family Association Targets MTV] Thank God we know we're right; thank God we know we possess the Truth; thank God we know the proper values to give to our children, so that we need not teach them to think for themselves; thank God we have passed beyond the stage of needing to ask questions; thank God we have been given the Vision of the perfect world; thank God we have a decision procedure for telling the difference between Gospel hymns and rock video music. I hope God has a sense of humour, and I hope She doesn't give up on us for following our silly, narrow-minded, self-important ways.-- Joel Parthemore
Decafalon, n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.-- Goethe
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
Man is, and always has been, a maker of gods. It has been the most serious and significant occupation of his sojourn in the world.-- John Burroughs
Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself.-- Miguel de Unamuno (Spanish philosopher and writer)
If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.-- Kelvin Throop
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.-- Redd Foxx
"Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much."
"God created sex. Priests created marriage."-- Voltaire
"I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?"-- Joan Baez
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.-- Mae West
Mia Wallace: "Pretty smart."
Vincent Vega: "Yeah, I got my moments." (Pulp Fiction)
"I would rather believe that God did not exist than believe that He was indifferent."-- George Sand
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.-- Hannah More
Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: Uhh, yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?-- Douglas Gauck
Why serial commas are important: "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let 'em go because, man, they're gone.-- Jack Handey
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
The good critic is he who narrates the adventures of his soul among masterpieces.-- Anatole France
"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time."-- George Orwell
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.-- Voltaire
"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."-- Stephen King
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.-- Robert A. Heinlein
The goodness of morals depends upon what the morals say, not just the fact that they are morals.-- Rob Bernardo
“Love is a drug. It really is. I don’t care who you are, if you’ve got a line on the good stuff, the real stuff that isn’t full of crap, it consumes you. You become it.”-- Amanda Firefox
If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.-- Laurence J. Peter
"If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way."-- Jane Wagner
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."-- Douglas Adams
"In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist."-- Truman Capote
As far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.-- Bertrand Russell
[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.-- Mark Twain
If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.-- Marie Osmond
Critics think that things should be done in good taste. Most people think that things should just taste good.-- Gene Simmons
Cruel men believe in a cruel God and use their belief to excuse their cruelty. Only kindly men believe in a kindly God, and they would be kindly in any case.-- Bertrand Russell
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.-- George Bernard Shaw
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.-- Woody Allen
"Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much because they all look alike. It's not like they're going to meet a really new, great looking penguin someday."
"God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier."-- Bumper sticker
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.-- Franklin P. Jones
Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.-- D. H. Lawrence
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."-- Albert Einstein
"No man chooses evil because it is evil;
he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."-- Mary Wollstonecraft
"When the people fear their government there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."-- Thomas Jefferson
"I always say it was great for God to send his only son, but I'm waiting for him to send his only daughter. Then things will be really great."-- Candace Pert
"Even the AI hated [my book]?"
"The AI loved it. That's when we knew for sure that people were going to hate it."-- Dan Simmons (Hyperion)
I'm in love with a girl who doesn't even know I'm alive.
She thinks she got me with her long range rifle, but she missed.-- Jonathan Colan
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.-- Woody Allen
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor): That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.-- Elizabeth Taylor
I once listed all the good things I did over the past year, and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them. That was a good feeling.-- Robert Fulghum
The disarmament of fear, in ourselves and those that oppose, propels us. Every step forward brings the possibility of backlash. But forward we go.-- David G. Welton
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead. (RFC 1925)