75 hits
Why serial commas are important: "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
I'm not doing this just to be weird.
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity
"I sound like a fruitcake sitting here saying all this shit."-- Trent Reznor
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with RAISINS in it.-- Dorothy Parker
"No, 'Eureka' is Greek for 'This bath is too hot.'"-- Dr. Who
Every four seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.
A thief believes everybody steals.-- E.W. Howe
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
This world doesn't need fixing. It needs changing.
"This space intentionally has nothing but text explaining why this space has nothing but text explaining that this space would otherwise have been left blank, and would otherwise have been left blank."
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."-- Mark Twain
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.-- Groucho Marx
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir.'-- Joan Rivers
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?-- Will Rogers
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"-- Jean Kerr
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"-- Bumper sticker
"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion."-- Scott Adams
The liberal does not hope for a better world, because liberal ideology already that this is the best world it can be.
"Improvised be damned! I thought of it this morning in my bath and I wish now I hadn't wasted it on this little crowd."-- Winston Churchill
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.-- Lily Tomlin
This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.
"People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases."-- Mark Twain
"I wanted to make a little spot in the context of the record where there was this break in the action. In the midst of this buildup of these ever-growing, terrible machines, I just wanted to remember that there is somewhere... else."-- Trent Reznor
Since before the Earth was formed and before the sun burned hot in space, cosmic forces of inexorable power have been working relentlessly toward this moment in space-time -- you receiving this fortune.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's this day-to-day living that wears you out."-- Anton Chekhov
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.-- Mark Twain
To in good days say "look what i've reached"
and on bad days say "why was this done to me"
..is mighty disproportionate.
"I didn't understand this at first, but YOUR CONVINCING USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS HAS MADE IT ALL CLEAR TO ME."-- J. Nairn
When I look around I think this, this is good enough. And I try to laugh at whatever life brings.
Cuz when I look down I just miss all the good stuff and when I look up I just trip over things.-- Ani Difranco
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.-- Eden Phillpots
In a church bulletin: This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.-- Oscar Wilde
"We say that the hour of death is uncertain, but when we say this we think of that hour as situated in an obscure and distant future. It does not occur to us that it can have any connection with the day already begun, or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so certain and which has every hour filled in advance".
Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Bitch - a cool babe who refuses to change her name.
"A man will call a woman 'bitch' when he can't control her, when she won't do his bidding, when she's not compliant to his needs. I like this in a word."-- Cynthia Heimel
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical.-- Niels Bohr
You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.-- Mary Pickford
A GUI is to a command-line as a TV is to a book.-- Scott Hess
Now, in the Overall Schema Of The Universe, I would imagine that this sort of thing ranks somewhere down around gnat's eyelashes.-- George Madison
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.-- Oscar Wilde
In a church bulletin: The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
did you know that in McDonaldland, you can get a license to hamburgle? It's true, the Hamburgler actually pays Grimace the purple guy for the same hamburgers he burgles, just for the opportunity to steal them for sport. He's neither a criminal nor an anarchist, he's a sycophant to the clown plutocracy.-- puddle (#xkcd)
Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.-- Homer Simpson
No, you may not speak freely. This is America. We have a high moral hypocrisy to uphold.-- Shannon Thomas Pricket
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog."-- Mark Twain
"Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think."-- Neils Bohr
Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused, but on a higher level.-- Enrico Fermi
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.-- George Bernard Shaw
Death (your own): This will be accepted as an excuse, but we shall require two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. (Corporate sick leave policy)
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.-- E. B. White
"A book should serve as an axe to the ice inside us."-- Franz Kafka