40 hits
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.-- Steven Wright
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.-- Steven Wright
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.-- Steven Wright
"If you're one in a million, there are ten of you in New York."
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?-- Steven Wright
Thy sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.-- Steven Wright
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.-- Steven Wright
Murphy's Seventh Law of Computing:
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.-- Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.-- Steven Wright
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.-- Steven Wright
Not to expose your true feelings to an adult seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards.-- George Orwell
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.-- Steven Wright
You can tell how far we have to go when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.-- Steven Feiner
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?-- Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright
No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.-- Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings. Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...-- Steven Wright
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Machine learning, n: Automation of your biases
The skin of civilization is only 7 meals thick
Headline: Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."-- Steven Wright
"Not a Morning Person" doesn't even begin to cover it.
In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.-- Steven Wright
Five-step methods are the surest sign of an uninspired plan.
Odo: That's a very personal question.
Jadzia Dax: I'm sorry, but after seven lifetimes, impersonal questions aren't much fun anymore. (Star Trek: DS9 (Shadowplay))
The definition of easy work is work that someone else has to do.
It is always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.