142 hits
"One good turn gets most of the blankets"
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.-- Steven Wright
QUOTE OF THE DAY: `
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Insecurity is comparing our behind the scenes to others highlight reel.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Oh yeah? You wanna step out of the giant robot and say that again?
If you're not part of the freaks, you're part of the boredom.-- Perry Farrell
Half of the people in the world are below average.
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.-- Plato
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
Government of the people
By a corrupt subset of the people
For the people who can afford the corrupt subset of the people.
-- Chris Newport
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.-- Oscar Wilde
"I am not part of the problem; I am a Republican."-- Dan Quayle
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.-- Augustine
It is possible to believe that all the past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. It is possible to believe that all the human mind has ever accomplished is but the dream before the awakening.-- H.G. Wells
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
Lecture, n: Where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.
Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
Manners are one of the truly lost causes.-- John Simon
"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road."-- Stewart Brand
He was just... well, like a lot of madmen. Somewhat accurate view of the problem, really insane view of the solution. (Kid Radd)
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.-- Alan Watts
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.-- E. B. White
"Must... defy... laws... of... physics!"-- The Tick
I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears tower, but I can't talk my wife out of the bathroom or my daughter off the phone. (The Negotiator)
"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief."-- Arthur Schnitzler
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.-- Andy Rooney
"Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it."-- Tori Amos
TCP_UP - The 16-bit TCP Urgent Pointer, encoded as the hex representation of the value of the field. The hex string MUST be capitalized since it is urgent. (RFC 3093)
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"-- Basho
If we couldn't laugh at things that didn't make sense,
we couldn't react to a lot of the world around us." (Calvin & Hobbes)
Most children grow up to be adults in spite of their parents, not because of them.
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
"The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are."-- Mark Twain
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."-- Oscar Wilde
"Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex."-- Oscar Wilde
I do not like the man: he has all of the virtues I detest and none of the vices I admire.-- Winston Churchill
The Pet Principle:
No matter which side of the door your dog or cat is on, it is the wrong side.
X.400 is the mail system of the future, and I hope it stays that way.-- Erik Fair
Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.-- H. L. Mencken
The fact that I know I'm often a fool, but that I also have an IQ a fair bit over a hundred, scares me. What fools the rest of the world must be.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.-- Winston Churchill
Choconiverous, adj: Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."-- George Bernard Shaw
Do not go gentle into that good night... Rage, rage against the dying of the light.-- Dylan Thomas
Gina: "Isn't it customary for the suspect to leave the scene of the crime?"
Debra: "Definitely an amateur" (Empire Records)
There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.-- Oscar Wilde
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.-- John Stuart Mill
The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.-- Tommy Smothers
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.-- Solomon Short
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. But you know most of them didn't get the joke in the first place, the lying weasels.-- Wade Kwon
Now, in the Overall Schema Of The Universe, I would imagine that this sort of thing ranks somewhere down around gnat's eyelashes.-- George Madison
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have trained for years and years can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.-- Emerson
"Man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road."-- Alexander Smith
Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.
Mustard: That's right! (Clue)
Part of the difference of learning something by interest or necessity is how we file it, with what urgency, and how we think of it when we think of it again.
When you dig straight down, you won't reach the other end of the earth. There's a couple of reasons:
-You will drown in the water.
-If you brought scuba gear, you will burn because the center of the earth is too hot.
-If you even thought of that and brought a portable black hole� with you, you'll become disoriented, partly due to gravity, and start digging in circles.
There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?', `Why do they die?', `Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?' (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.-- Robert Benchley
The beasts of the field and fowls of the air did know Ridcully the Brown. They'd got so good at pattern-recognition that, for a radius of about twenty miles around the Ridcully estates, they'd run, hide or in desperate cases attack violently at the mere sight of a pointy hat.-- Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)
"I wanted to make a little spot in the context of the record where there was this break in the action. In the midst of this buildup of these ever-growing, terrible machines, I just wanted to remember that there is somewhere... else."-- Trent Reznor
"The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they will believe they are as clever as he."-- Karl Kraus
I usually shoot for that threshold of coffee strength that's just *short* of the coffee achieving sentience.-- Gretchen Wright
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, your're overdoing it.-- J. Jenkins
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
"You ever hear of the Spartans, Lewis? Ancient Greece...traditional enemies of the Athenians? They were a warrior society. I'll try to make it simple for you...they were Klingon." (The Rhipodon Society)
"The most merciful thing in the world...is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."-- H.P. Lovecraft
"One of the CIA's few endearing traits is its penchant for making headlines. It is the world's most fully headlined secret agency."
"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."
Pedaeration, n: Achieving the perfect body heat by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
-- Josh Billings
"In corporate religions as in others, the heretic must be cast out not because of the probability that he is wrong but because of the possibility that he is right."-- Antony Jay
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.-- Mark Twain
One of the problems with learning that many teachers fail to see is that until you really understand something, any argument made out of that understanding context tends to be pretty useless.
I find "Yes, you _can_ do it that way, but the rest of the Internet community will point at you and giggle", followed by my walking out in a flurry of RFCs, tends to be quite effective-- Tanuki the Raccoon-Dog (a.s.r.)
"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"-- Bumper sticker
Spagmumps, n: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.-- Kahlil Gibran
Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.-- Horace Walpole
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."-- Mark Twain
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.-- Henry Kissinger
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.-- Adlai Stevenson
You can't remember the plot of the Dr. Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
I'm sick of tattoos, sick of piercings, sick of temporary tattoos. They are the white stilettos of the '90s.-- Shirley Manson
The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking that we have done so far, has created problems we cannot solve at the level of thinking at which we created them.-- Albert Einstein
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.-- Plato
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.-- Goethe
The business of the mind is first and foremost the pure joy of knowing and comprehending, the pure joy of consciousness.-- Anais Nin
You're probably the sort who would have Dorothy arrested for throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West.-- Eric Holeman
"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."-- Richard Harkness
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.-- Woody Allen
Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over the table.-- The Anarchist Cookbook
"In America sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact."-- Marlene Dietrich
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
Be careful of the closeness of the signs lunch and lesbian. If you sign, "I'm hungry, let's eat lesbians", you should be sure that's what you meant.-- Steve Eastman
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
"The Hindenburg crash had 62 survivors and 35 fatalities. Of the 35 deaths, 27 resulting from jumping from the airship. Many of the remaining 8 deaths resulted from burns and injuries due to the ensuing diesel fuel fire."-- Dan Egnor
"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." (Calvin & Hobbes)
"The thing that I'm into is the philosophy of the music. I love the surprise of things, the accidents--just the sound of a word, to try to express them in the best way, so that the emotion is totally revealed."-- Beth Gibbons
On-line, adj: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Lust comes at first sight, love comes after staring at the same person for elongated periods of time.-- lj user slvrstarlight
The default Magic Word, Abracadabra, actually is a corruption of the Hebrew phrase ha-Bracha dab'ra which means "pronounce the blessing".
"I'm the Queen of the nerds. I love nerds- by which I mean, not a cool, bitchin' person. I guess I was a cool nerd. I wasn't shuffling my feet in the corner of the playground, I was the homecoming queen, but then, all the nerds voted for me."-- Tori Amos
I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.-- Dorothy Parker
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all--the apathy of human beings.-- Helen Keller
The BeOS takes the best features from the major operating systems. It's got the power and flexibility of Unix, the interface and ease of use of the MacOS, and Minesweeper from Windows.-- Tyler Riti
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his or her option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Monday is the root of all evil.
"Everything is convention, including law. When it is not the thought that led to the convention, but just the records of the convention that define morals, structural ethics are too dependant, and likely doomed."
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the living shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
As I stare into the abyss of the toilet bowl I try hard to rememeber the reason why I felt the desperate need to mix vodka and red wine with whiskey and tequila.-- Shirley Manson