196 hits
"With increased knowledge comes an increased capacity for pain. So if ignorance is bliss, enlightenment must be pure hell."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
"They say necessity is the mother of invention. And when the necessity is survival, she can be one mean mother. Of course, it's her child, invention, who's the real dangerous one."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
"Greek mythology says that whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. I'd never been sure whether 'mad' meant crazy or angry. Either way, the gods were working on me pretty good right now."-- Darien Fawkes (The Invisible Man)
For an instant I think I saw. I saw the loneliness of man as a gigantic wave which had been frozen in front of me, held back by the invisible wall of a metaphor.-- Carlos Casteneda
On-line, adj: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
The intensity comes from meaning, not from extremes.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.-- A. H. Weiler
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
Those who speak by the yard and think by the inch should be kicked by the foot.
Guru, n: A computer owner who can read the manual.
Education, then, beyond all other devices of human origin, is the great machinery.-- Horace Mann
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.-- Don Marquis
Reasonable, adj: Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.-- Ambrose Bierce
Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.-- George Bernard Shaw
All New: The software is not compatible with any previous version.
The greatest possible mint of style is to make the words absolutely disappear into the thought.-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art.-- Susan Sontag
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
The question is not so much whether there is life on Mars as whether it will continue to be possible to live on Earth.
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.-- Benjamin Dana
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.-- Albert Einstein
'Impossible' tends to be an opinion rather than a fact.
Television: the bland leading the bland.
Sometimes I wish I had a knob to turn up the intelligence on the Internet. I have one on my monitor marked brightness, but it doesn't seem to work very well, does it?-- Bryan Manske
"The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools."
355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation.
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords.-- Alan Watts
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.-- Mark Twain
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.-- Goethe
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
Elbonics, n: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.-- Rich Hall ("Sniglets")
Patageometry, n: The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant under brain transplants.
"We are at times too ready to believe that the present is the only possible state of things."-- Marcel Proust
Law of diminishing IQ:
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says; he is always convinced that it says what he means.-- George Bernard Shaw
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.-- James Branch Cabell
Belief is that which explains that we cannot reason. Therefore it is almost impossible to change someone's belief.
Computers save man a lot of guesswork, but then, so do bikini's.
Progress, n: The process through which the Internet has evolved from smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of smart terminals.
Moral behavior is survival behavior above the individual level.-- Robert Heinlein
On the internet, no one knows you're a CHICKEN! A GIANT CHICKEN!-- Denis Moskowitz
"The most merciful thing in the world...is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."-- H.P. Lovecraft
The BeOS takes the best features from the major operating systems. It's got the power and flexibility of Unix, the interface and ease of use of the MacOS, and Minesweeper from Windows.-- Tyler Riti
Half of the people in the world are below average.
"The bigger the information media, the less courage and freedom they allow. Bigness means weakness."-- Eric Sevareid
"A book should serve as an axe to the ice inside us."-- Franz Kafka
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."-- Goethe
Talk to your kids about sex. Tell them just how absolutely incredible it really is. (The Covert Comic)
Speer's 1st Law of Proofreading: The visibility of an error is inversely proportional to the number of times you have looked at it.
It is possible to believe that all the past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn. It is possible to believe that all the human mind has ever accomplished is but the dream before the awakening.-- H.G. Wells
"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."-- Mark Twain
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.-- Goethe
I'm tired of being this pristine little socially acceptable monstrosity
There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?', `Why do they die?', `Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?' (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
The irony is that Bill Gates claims to be making a stable operating system and Linus Torvalds claims to be trying to take over the world.
Pedestrian, n: The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
Sign in a Nairobi restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.-- Samuel Johnson
"Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones."-- Phillips Brooks
Renning's Maxim: Man is the highest animal. Man does the classifying.
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
"All the people stared as if we were both quite insane."-- The Hollies
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.-- Mae West
we make happen the stuff we fear will happen
Funny. All the wireless people seem to be the marionettes.
Only the good die young. Note the average age in Congress.
"The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."-- George Bernard Shaw
Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief."-- Arthur Schnitzler
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.-- Mary Little
"I'm not mad at the world... just at all the people in it."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila."-- Mitch Radcliffe
"The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists -- that is why they invented hell."-- Bertrand Russell
"I wanted to make a little spot in the context of the record where there was this break in the action. In the midst of this buildup of these ever-growing, terrible machines, I just wanted to remember that there is somewhere... else."-- Trent Reznor
"Here's a horrible thought: You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half the human race is even dumber than that..."
"If there is one thing that always comes out of a terrible tragedy, it is really dumb legislation." (Esquire magazine)
"I became insane, with long instances of horrible sanity."-- Edgar Allen Poe
God must love assholes--she made so many of them.
"Love makes you do the wacky"-- Willow
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."-- Mark Twain
"To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was tautology."-- Mark Twain
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.-- Chinese Proverb
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."
"It is up to you to give [life] a meaning."-- Jean-Paul Sartre
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.-- Albert Einstein
"Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away."-- Goethe
I do not like the man: he has all of the virtues I detest and none of the vices I admire.-- Winston Churchill
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame.-- Erica Jong
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.-- Carl Sagan
'The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.'
(Ford making his way out of Milliways whilst under the influence of enough alchol to make a rhino sing) (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Must... defy... laws... of... physics!"-- The Tick
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."-- Doug Larson
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.-- Albert Einstein
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
“How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.”-- Anais Nin
"I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers."-- Kahlil Gibran
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.-- Douglas Adams (The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Great Lover, n: A man who can breathe through his ears.
Dragons are the living embodiment of power, purpose, and real estate devaluation.-- Marc Gabriele
Angst, n: A form of suffering caused by too much thinking; a phenomenon probably considered incomprehensible by those who own a recreational vehicle.-- Rick Bayan (The Cynic's Dictionary)
The voters have spoken, the bastards...
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.-- Gandhi
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.-- Pablo Picasso
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. (Ladies' Home Journal)
People must think I'm a mushroom. They constantly keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired-- Robert Frost
"Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than through mortal friends."-- S. Weir Mitchell
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.-- Henry Peter Brougham
In a church bulletin: The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
In the beginning was the word, and the word was "aardvark".
"Television has lifted the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry."-- Nathalie Sarraute
I find "Yes, you _can_ do it that way, but the rest of the Internet community will point at you and giggle", followed by my walking out in a flurry of RFCs, tends to be quite effective-- Tanuki the Raccoon-Dog (a.s.r.)
I think it's adorable that our fans call me Shirl. It's preferrable to asshole.-- Shirley Manson
High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.-- Christopher Morley
No need crying over spilt milk. Unless, of course, you're a truck driver and you just lost nearly 3800 gallons on the interstate - then it's okay to cry.-- Dan Lantz
Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.
"The country has charms only for those not obliged to stay there."-- Edouard Manet
Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
It is a good thing to in your mind be able to seperate the artist from the art.
The music is the magic carpet that the other things take naps on.-- Tori Amos
If it wasn't for the optimist the pessimist would never know how happy he isn't.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again.-- Goethe
It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.-- Mae West
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with RAISINS in it.-- Dorothy Parker
As I stare into the abyss of the toilet bowl I try hard to rememeber the reason why I felt the desperate need to mix vodka and red wine with whiskey and tequila.-- Shirley Manson
"The I.S.O. standard unit of female pulchritude is the milli-Helen. This is the amount of beauty capable of causing the launching of a single ship."-- Terry Pratchett
Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets what the majority deserves.
Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside. (Calvin & Hobbes)
"I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course - the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end."-- Douglas Adams
"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."-- Norman Douglas
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The law should make men free. The problem is making the law free.
"The imposition of stigma is the commonest form of violence used in democratic societies."-- R. A. Pinker
Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate.-- Mike Hermann
Of all the truths in the world, humor is the most satisfying and often the healthiest.
"Remember the Golden Rule: Those who have the gold make the rules."
IRC is not 'more than a toy'. It's LESS than... a belch on a windy day. IRC is a little ant exploring the inside of a microwave oven for all five seconds of its short, happy, exploding life."-- Kibo
Imaginative writers are valuable colleagues and their testimony is to be rated very highly because they draw on sources that we have not yet made accessible to science. The portrayal of the psychic life of human beings is, of course, the imaginative writer's most special demand. He has always been the forerunner of science and thus scientific psychology, too.-- Sigmund Freud
"The first 80% of software development is the easy part. The hard part is the next 80%"
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.-- Brian Kernighan
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.
"[Men, particularly in the British press] come in asking me why I'm so agressive and why I hate them, and, and, what they don't understand with this record is that it's about incredible passion and incredible desire and incredible need and then, love. It's all gotta be in there if you're being fair about it."-- Tori Amos
Erotica is stuff that's meant to be read with one hand.-- Carl Manz
If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, it might be amor�, but I'd be more worried about the interplanetary gravitational effects from this cataclysmic event.-- Paul Paternoster
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
"To limit the press is to insult a nation; to prohibit reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves."-- Claude Adrien Helvetius
"If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd everytime, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side."-- Orson Scott Card
The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.-- Bertrand Russell
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to be insane in such a useful way that they can't commit you."-- Mark Edwards
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.-- Roger Noe
2, 3, 3, 37 - the prime factorization of the beast.
C++, the language in which only friends can access your private members.
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
Genies rarely have nightmares, for the same reason that elephants don't usually worry about being trampled underfoot. With the possible exception of bottles, there's nothing in the cosmos large enough or malicious enough to frighten them, or stupid enough to try.-- Tom Holt ("Djinn Rummy")
Monday is the root of all evil.
So many idiots, so few meteors.
Just as the whole is more than the sum of parts, the forest more than the tree and birds, so is mankind greater than the wanking of its nerds on slashdot.org.
The applied mathematician can find the solution to any difficulty, whilst the pure mathematician can find the difficulty to any solution.
And the pickles frolicked with the waffles, joyously.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide.
AFPer: Terry, what the heck was going on at the end of Strata? I've just re-read the ending again and come up with another possible explanation which takes the total number into double figures.
TP: See? Other people would just have given you one or two. Amazing value, I think.-- Terry Pratchett (alt.fan.pratchett)
I'm sick of tattoos, sick of piercings, sick of temporary tattoos. They are the white stilettos of the '90s.-- Shirley Manson
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."-- Mark Twain
Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.